woodthorpe Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I have finally called an end to an on and off relationship that has lasted over two years. I really thought he was the great love of my life but it turned out the feelings were not returned. We parted as friends but he still has the capacity to cause me pain as a part of me will always want him back. NC is the only way forward. I lose a very special friend, but it is the only way to cope right now. (He by the way is coping fine - living the high life with a shed load of new friends he met at Christmas) My question is this - I don't want a new relationship at the moment. I don't even want to date. This is the first time in 30 years I have been on my own (boyfriends - marriage - serious partnership) and I think my life would be better in the long term if I spent some time concentrating on myself as an individual and not as half a couple, but how do I do this? I don't mind being alone in my house, but my mind strays to HIM every second. I work Mon - Fri which keeps me occupied, but in every quiet moment HE pops into my brain. It's not really pain any more, just a thump in the stomach every time I realise he isn't part of the "plan", and a feeling of wasting my love - a love I thought was strong enough to withstand anything. I live miles away from anywhere so clubs etc are not easy to find. I like my job and my house and don't want to change either, but how do I change my life and stop talking to him in my head day after day after day? Any suggestions would be more than welcome. x
jdeedee Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 When you figure it out please let me know too I've been dealing for the past two months. Like you I am tired of the cyclical relationships I've been in. Break up with someone and spend the next X number of months looking for a replacement. I can safely say for the first time since I hit puberty oh so many years ago I am not looking for a girlfriend. It makes getting over my ex that much more difficult but in the end I know it's the right way to heal. I've been keeping busy, posting on these forums, exercising (30 minute walks are more than enough to get your endorphins going), eating right. I can't honestly say that my mind still doesn't wander towards her constantly but its slowly been getting better. My thoughts are with you. It's difficult but knowing it's the right thing to do does help.
Author woodthorpe Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 When you figure it out please let me know too . Hi jdeedee just seen an interesting prog on the TV. To boost your self confidence you must choose two or three things about your self image you need to improve and tell your reflection AT LEAST 10 TIMES EVERY DAY how good they are. For example look at your self and say " I am an attractive and sexy man/woman" or "I am a happy, successful, attractive woman" etc. I tried it - not only does it take your mind off THEM it makes you straighten your back, hold your head up high and smile. Don't know why it does but it does. Take care xx
Jmina Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Love is never wasted. It is always recorded into the universe! You also know what your heart is capable of now too. The thump will go away , maybe it will take 6 months or a year but it will go away. its not going to be there in 4 years 5 years 6 years time. While you are still vunerable its a great time to just focus on yourself. start writing if you havnt already all your thoughts and feelings, good and bad, so then you will have a clear head for direction. You cant start without direction right? and the only way to get it is getting what is inside your head out onto paper or out into the atmosphere, or loveshack either way just get it out. you will have to make room for direction most days maybe more than once. and that is what its like being on the rollarcoaster- but the benifets really do outweigh the past. you will gain a lot. Clear your head and then sleep on it, or clear your head and decide what a good plan would be to do for the next free day that you have. maybe you might sign up to something, or just continue to have 'you' time. see how its all becoming about you now? and really he isnt there at all. dont define who you are by what he has done, or what your relationships are like YOU are your TALENTS MORALS and WISDOM and you will benifet in all 3 areas in no time. Personal growth isnt always a hard thing to do, its a wonderful thing to feel your mind, soul and body become nsync try to keep him no more than a passing thought when you arent writing. leave him unitl you need to unload into a journal. if you dont have a pen in your hand or a keyboard infront to get it out dont think about him. hope i helped someone Jmina Edited January 23, 2008 by Jmina
PinkRibbon Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I am going into my 4th month of seperation and honestly I don't want anyone except my stbx and even right now that is iffy. I am taking a grad class, working out and spending more time with my daughter. Just find things to do to better yourself. Nothing like a work out and knowing your body is getting in better shape to make you feel good about yourself. But don't get me wrong I think about him every hour.
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