Cloc1106 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Ya know, it took me a long time to finally throw in the "better off alone" towel and start dating a man that I have loved since I was 17. Now that we are together and all seems well, he lies to me. The stupidest lie on the planet! You see, I don't get along with his cousins girlfriend. We were friends for a long time but since my boyfriend and I got together she has been telling his cousin lies about me because she knows that he will tell my boyfriend. I have tried confronting her about this but she will not answer my calls. So one night while I was at work, my boyfriend, his cousin and one of their mutual friends went and all hung out together. All fine. Until I called him on the phone and clearly heard a womans voice. I asked him and he assured me that there was no woman there. Come to find out she was there and he knows how I am about her and the lies she was telling. He said that he didn't want me to flip out and ask to talk to her and be mad that he was around her. I have deep trust issues with people which is why it took me so long to be involved. What do I do, because now I am super suspicious about EVERYTHING he does. I love him with every curve in my body but don't want to stand around and wait to be hurt again. A lie is a lie, no matter what it is about. What should I do ladies?
Keara Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 So you're saying he lied because if he had told you the truth you would've demanded to talk to her, probably gotten really mad, pissed the other girl off, and the two of you would've basically caused a huge scene? What does it matter what this girl is saying? And secondly, what could she possibly say that would hurt your relationship with your bf MORE then the way you're behaving? You don't trust your bf. I think that's really the message I got from your post. Maybe you have reason not to trust him, I don't know. But I think you're problem is a LOT bigger then this one little lie he told you.
Lyssa Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Your BF's cousin's GF is immature for telling lies about you (whatever the lies may be). Have you had a bad experience in Rs before this for you to take your time to be involved with someone? Does it bother your BF about the lies she's telling them? If it bothered him, I'm sure he would have let you know. I just find it annoying that he hangs out with her - knowing that she's talking about you.
Author Cloc1106 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 I know I have issues....that is the reason that I have serious trust issues to start with. I have never had a serious relationship because I have been hurt too bad, not by men but by family. So I figured if my family could do such damage imagine what someone I am deeply in love with could do. And yes, it does bother him that she is saying the things she says. He has expressed his opinion to her about it. But, if he could tell such a stupid lie that was so unnecessary, what else is he lying about?
Keara Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 And yes, it does bother him that she is saying the things she says. He has expressed his opinion to her about it. But, if he could tell such a stupid lie that was so unnecessary, what else is he lying about? That's a valid point. But I don't see that as the real issue. Most people lie because of fear. Either fear of losing something, or of retribution, or of hurting someone. To me, it seems that your bf lied because no good would have come from being honest with you. He would've been screamed at, you would've been fighting made at the girl, at him, you would have acted irrationally, and nothing he could've said would make you feel secure. What do you really want from your bf? It seems to me that you are scared he'll leave you. That he'll suddenly realize that you aren't worthy of being loved and he'll leave you. And because you fear you aren't worthy, then you believe he'll actually take what his cousins gf says to heart and dump you. But is that reality? Or just your fears getting the better of you? That girl, even though she is a little b*^%h, isn't going to influence your bf enough for him to ever dump you. The only person who can do that is you. No one can EVER say anything that would ever pull his mind away from how great you are if you are actively working on fulfilling his needs/desires. Works the same the other way around. If he's giving you the things you need to feel loved and happy (hugs, cuddling, surprises, etc.) then there isn't a damn thing anyone could say that would make you feel differently about your bf. Especially not some third person who's dating a relative of yours. I don't think the two of you discuss the real issues in your relationship. I think you're projecting your insecurities onto this other girl. And I think your bf lied because he knew you'd act irrationally, and wanted to avoid it. It was wrong of him. But I don't think you react in a healthy way toward conflict, and he isn't channeling that negative emotion from you into a positive outcome. You both need to invest some effort into how to communicate the issues in better ways.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Why are you upset with him? I mean yes he did lie about who was over there , but it seems she said it to avoid an arguement. Does he seem suspicious of you , since the cousin g/f is speading lies? Does he believe your cousin's g/f accusations? if not , then I wouldnt worry about it. Im sure your boyfriend is able to reconize that she is full of lies and deciet! If you confront this girl and tell her what she is doing is wrong and basically none of her business , what do you think her next action will be? Definately not to stop. She will just think of more juicier things to lie about. Do your self a favor and let her wear her self out from worrying about other people's business.
Author Cloc1106 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Right, you guys both make valid points. I guess what ticked me off is not that she was spreading lies but that he lied to protect her, or he lied to protect me and my temper, which I know I have. I guess it just makes me nervous because I would never lie because I always thought that once someone has the ability to lie to you, they have to ability to leave you. I am over it and was only thinking in the moment. She will have to deal with kharma. Let's just hope this was his last lie.
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