maria22 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 After a small argument last night my fiance and I sat in silence for a while, me pretending my smiles were real to calm his temper, him texting his ex girlfriend to complain about me turning his silly game off on the computer. Then he suddenly came out with "why is it that you always jump when you are asleep" I'm writing this because i've just sat here wondering whether it was a personal attack to hurt my feeilngs because I turned off his game. He knows, that I am a victim of past trauma. He knows this very well. He knows I sleep badly at times, he knows I am strong and I dislike talking about it. I told him he knows why I sometimes have bad dreams, I have trauma now and then, not all the time.. I'm fine. He said to me, "why didnt you tell me you hate sleeping next to me, that's it, I'll sleep on the floor- if you don't want to be near me, I'll sleep on the floor!" Well I sat there for a few minutes, wondering how to calm him down and make him realize that I wasn't attacking him. No, I couldn't find the words so instead the tears started flowing. He ended up sleeping in bed with me and today it's as if nothing happened. What the heck is going on I love this man, where on earth did this weird personality suddenly come from... I feel as low about myself as I could.
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 How could you feel awful about that? You didn't do anything wrong! Just reassure him how much you love him. (make it wordy... don't use the condensed version) Then ask him, "Do you feel the same about me?" When he says, "Yes", then say, "So lets get back to loving each other!" And by the way... lately when I jump in my sleep, I'm kicking you in the balls for saying stupid sh*t!
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 This guy sounds just awful. Does he ever do anything to make you happy? Are you really okay with feeling so horrible about yourself?
jdeedee Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 He may be a victim of self esteem issues. I don't know much about your relationship but I do know that I had a lot of issues with sleeping arrangements with my ex. If I was feeling especially low sometimes I would overwhelm her in bed (by that I mean press against her while sleeping). What he told you sounds like something I might have said to her when she'd tell me she pushes me away during sleep. He is looking for reassurance that you want him to be with you in bed, that you enjoy being with him, etc. I may be reading into the situation more than there is.
Author maria22 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 thankyou all for being so caring to give me a reply... I still don't know what is going on between us, but I know that i am stuck with him and no matter what i say he finds it offensive. Oh well, hopefully time will make things better. Thankyou for being so nice maria'
Always Wrong Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 maria22 You indicated that you turned off his computer? Did you turn it off while he was playing it? I know some guys are extremely touchy about how their computer is shut down. If you just pulled the plug out of the wall while he was playing... well... that is a declaration of war for some guys. Tell us more about the small argument. Don't just let this lack of communication go! If you don't work on that skill set, it will only get worse. You only get out what you are willing to put in, and that goes for him too! If you're the only one working on it, you have a tough road in front of you. Your comment, "I know that I am stuck with him and no matter what I say he finds offensive," should concern you. Listen to your words... does that sound healthy? You will find some very good support here on LS. Sometimes not knowing the whole story can make the advice way off track, and I want to appologize in advance if that is the case here. Take care, AW
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