anotherother24 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Another happy member....of this miserable club. I have also been broken up with, apparently. It's been about 4 months now...4 LONG miserable months (god, how I wish the day would come that I couldn't even REMEMBER how long it's been) and I'm still struggling. So, I figured this just might be where I need to be. Everyone else tells me to get over it, move on, forget about him, I deserve better, you name it, I've heard it...just like you all I'm sure. I don't know HOW though...how do I forget about him?? How do I forget about all the plans, all the promises? We didn't have any fights or real problems. Ok, So...there was a problem...he was (is!) married. I know, I'm an idiot. I should of expected this miserable heartache. I honestly didn't see it coming. He really suprised me. We were sort of like friends, well, he was my boss, for 3 years. I always trusted him and worked hard. Him(..and his wife, sadly) were always good to me and looked out for me at work. Then one day, he mentioned problems with his W, how she wanted to leave him, the usual story apparently. I wasn't interested though, not at all and I told him so...but being that we worked very close, we would talk and I gave in and went out to dinner with him. Big mistake....we ended up being together for a year. His W found out, we denied it, but she knew...she was very mad. We continued to deny it for the entire year and she kept insisting he fire me and everything else but he refused. In the end, I ended up losing my job, my virginity and my heart. Of course, karma hasn't been very kind to him either. He lost the whole business and his cars....he still has his W and kids though, I don't know what the status with that is but they are still living together so I can only imagine they are trying to work something out. I believe she is with him still because she doesn't want him to be with me, or someone else. I heard her tell him that once, that she didn't love him anymore and she was only with him to make him miserable. Of course, it's all pretty irrelevent. He started acting a little funny. Didn't give me much explanation, then he said maybe it would be better for me if I tried to kind of forget about him for awhile. He said he loved me and he wanted to marry me but it looked like his W wasn't going anywhere as long as she thought I was around. He said he was sure they would divorce eventually but he couldn't tell if it would be tomorrow, next month, next year or longer and I deserved better than to keep waiting for something he didn't know when would happen. He didn't want to keep telling me to wait, or making promises because it wasn't fair. So, I guess in reality, he was doing me a favor. I don't know if he was trying to let me down easy or if he just didn't want to keep hurting me. Of course, I took it all wrong. I thought he was obviously trying to make things better for him and his wife or something and was just trying to make it easier for him. I felt completely caught off guard, betrayed and extremely hurt. So, I told his wife the truth, that we had been lying to her and I was so sorry. Of course, I am sorry. It's kind of a ridiculous thing, in a way, I never wanted to hurt her...but I also am in love with her husband and would like to be with him, so how can *I* say I'm sorry?? I never meant for this to happen. I should of stopped it before it even started but I was weak. I was unexperienced but I should of known better. I wanted to believe him though, and I did, and I still want to. So, basically this whole heartbreak shouldn't of even happened. I don't know if the other woman gets much sympathy and that makes it even worse. I feel like someone ran my heart over with a train and I can only blame myself. This was my first love though, the first man I was really ever with. Now, I don't know how to let go. How to accept that it's probably over for good when I don't want it to be. We didn't end because we were angry at each other, we ended because he wasn't available. He just made me believe he would leave her, and he honestly did try to make her leave him but she didn't. Now she's laughing at me because she thinks she's the "winner" and I lost because he's with her in the end and she told me so and it hurts. Now I have to question wether he ever meant anything he said to me, or if it was all a lie. In my heart, I don't believe it was but theres no way to know for sure. All these questions with no answers. It makes me feel miserable. I'm sorry this is so long but I just needed to get some things out lol if anyone is still reading...I guess that's some of my story...
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