inshock Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Just wondering how most settlements turn out. Married 22 years,no children,I am unable to work ,we have an IRA and a house that probably wont sell.He makes about 45,000 a year.We have lots of debt... Hes been having an affair for 7 years with a girl 20 years younger. Did you get alimony? What percentage? How long? Just wondering,while waiting for my divorce to get into high gear. Any warnings? Things to look out for? I live in Michigan which is no fault,but they say fault can be used to increase the settlement. Thanks in advance.....
amaysngrace Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 My settlement was fair. We went back and forth on a lot of issues before we came to mutual agreements but we both bended a little from our original demands. If you can afford to, have your lawyer draw up the settlement agreement rather than his. It will be more beneficial to you that way. Why won't your house sell? Anything can be bought if the price is right. You may not get the full appraised value on the home but after living there for 22 years you may find your loss is worth it if you break it down year by year. Every situation is different. I have kids with my ex. We weren't married even half as long as you have been married. Seeing how you can't work makes me think you should be entitled to a lot more than I was. That's why having good representation is crucial.
maritallyconfused Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 If you have any kind of college education or have been working most of the time you will MOST likely not get alimony, unless he is making BIG bucks.. There is no such thing as entitlement, and you really should do what you can to prevent things from going to trial.. If he has a pension you may be "entitled" to a portion of that. Otherwise you will likely split assets and get child support payment for any minor children.
Trimmer Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Married 22 years,no children,I am unable to work ,we have an IRA and a house that probably wont sell.He makes about 45,000 a year.We have lots of debt... Why do you think your house won't sell? Do you have much equity in it anyway? If the "debt" you are talking about is a second mortgage or equity line of credit that has eaten up most of your equity, then you may have to sell just to pay off the debts. What is the basis of your inability to work? I'm absolutely not casting doubt on your assertion here, just trying to understand in more detail, as "haven't worked for 22 years" or "don't have marketable job skills" may be treated differently as "physically unable to work", etc... What is your net worth overall, if you consider your assets (house, other real-estate, cash accounts, IRA, etc...) vs. all of your debts? You have to know that to have a useful starting point. Are you very far positive? That's really the pot that you have to divide. You say you have lots of debts.... if your debts substanially balance out your assets, then there won't be much to divide up anyway, will there? Assuming that you are somewhat positive, and that most everything is "on the table" (in my state, any assets or debt acquired while being married is subject to division...) then let's say you have a quarter-million dollar house and a $150,000 IRA (for assets of $400,000), but you owe, say, $250,000 in total debt (could be a $200,000 mortgages plus equity loans, and another $50,000 of other debt: car loans, credit cards, etc.), then there's really only a net worth of $150,000 of value to divide up. Assuming you are looking at splitting 50/50 (which is how my wife and I have agreed to do it, as we are in a "no-fault, fair and equitable division" state...), then one example of how it could work is you could get $75,000 of the IRA and "walk away" with none of the debt if he takes everything else including the debt - this way, you would both end up with an equal $75,000 share of the total net worth. Another way would be for you to get the $250,000 house and $175,000 of the debt (refinancing the house in your own name...) or any similar combination that lets you both end up with $75,000 of net worth (assets minus debt.) So again, whatever is your current net worth (assets minus debts) is your starting point for dividing up your current property. Even if you have a big house and a fancy car, if your net worth is small (i.e. your debts are a good proportion of your assetc), then you don't have much to divide up anyway. If the percentage of the split changes due to "fault" then the concept is the same, it's just a matter of the proportional split of the net worth that you settle on. In direct answer to your question: how was our settlement, I alluded earlier that we're in a no-fault "fair and equitable" state. We agreed from the start that we would split our property 50/50. We had 2 houses and significant mortages against both, but we did have some positive net worth. We sold both houses and paid off all our debts, then divided the remaining cash proceeds equally. We each took one of the two cars we had that were roughly equal in value and "called it even" on those, and generally negotiated how to split up the personal property so we both felt OK about the outcome - for example, she asked to take most all of the kitchen stuff, and offered some "extra" furniture in return that we agreed pretty much balanced things out, for example. In one case, I paid the entire tax bill due on the sale of one of our houses myself, out of my proceeds, and we agreed that we would reduce the portion of my IRA that she would get (which was all built during our marriage, so was to be split 50/50) by an amount to account for "her half" of that tax bill that I paid. And so on and so on.... At the end of the day, we'll have equally split our balance sheet, with some flexibility in how we got there. A little give in this spot, a little balancing offset over here... I don't know much about alimony - it seems to be strongly state-dependent. There will be no alimony in our case; she can work and isn't asking for any. Given our circumstance, I think that is honorable.
amaysngrace Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 There is no such thing as entitlement Yes there is such a thing as entitlement. It's called the price someone has to pay for being a lousy spouse.
Author inshock Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Thanks everyone.Here is brief discription of my situation. I am 61 years old,a 9th grade education.I worked cleaning houses for cash during my whole marriage,until 2 years ago.Made decent money. Because I have no work credits I cannot get SS and he is 4 years younger so I cant get his until he is of age to file which is 7 years away. Our house is 9 years old and may appraise for 50K more then we owe.But we live in Michigan and the few houses that have sold here are going for less then that and are bigger and better. I have severe asthma and do breathing treatments daily and cant even laugh w/o losing my breath.I also was scheduled for an ankle replacement in 2005 but canceled it.Now that will never happen.I limp and am in constant pain.Getting a job will be very unlikely and very low pay. During his 7 year affair,he allowed me to bring my mom here to live(she has dementia) and also allowed our granddaughter,who we raised to bring her baby here and we promised to help raise her.She will be 2.So now the 4 of us are sitting here wondering what our lives will be like. He also allowed me to spend ALOT of my moms money and said if it had to get paid back,we would get a refi/home equity loan to do it.That wont happen now and I am probably in trouble.Is that considered intent to defraud?He knew he would never be here to fullfill any of this.He now lives with his G/F and is engaged. Our IRA has less then 100K and is losing money daily.He makes about 50K a year.I was hoping for cash from the IRA and some kind of alimony so I can buy health insurance.I am also w/o a vehicle as mine blew up the day before he left. I filed for divorce in Nov 07 ,he came home we canceled that one.I caught him on Dec 21 with her and now hes filed.I have a lawyer and he seems fine but who knows. My life is a bad soap opera......
Author inshock Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 WE have just posponed his divorce action and are working on a POST nuptial agreement so we can stay married. He still lives with her and seems happy. IM still missing him and IM miserable. Ive put on NO PERSONAL CONTACT,a long as hes still living with her. Hes not even allowed to come to our home. Just started it so I dont know. Anyone here familiar with Post nuptials? Are they legal?My lawyer said they are legal but judges dont have to "honor" them..... I have no idea why he wants to stay married,except its proably better for us both financially.Guess his young g/f has been waiting 7 years and doesnt mind a few more.Or hes lied to her.Who knows? Am I crazy to do this?Should I just insist on divorce and make him pay the big price that most cheaters have to pay?Yes it helps me also but can I even handle this emotionally?He talks about how hes not ready and gives off false hope about coming home,but hes still in her bed every night. We are back in court on Apr 29 so I have to make a decision soon....
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