iamsoveryconfused Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Many have probably read my previous post where my bf of 3 years wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. Well, that was 3 weeks ago now and currently we are in the relationship we had prior to all of this. Here is the catch: he will not talk about what he had said, or why he had said it or where our relationship is going now. He calls me every day, several times a day, to tell me he loves me, see how my day is going, have phone sex, etc (we are in a LD relationship). I am visiting him tomorrow for 5 days so the last week all he has talked about is how excited he is to see me and snuggle, and walk on the beach and all the special surprises he has planned for me. I want to be happy and think that maybe he realized he was being a big idiot and wants to move on but I am finding myself wanting/needing closure to the mess he has created. While he is being a sweetheart to me, he has emailed his best friend (who happens to be a mutual friend) and told him that he "has made it clear to me that he doesn't want me to have false hope and that he is still interested in being alone for a little while". Now what on earth is that suppose to mean? And which part of I love you made that clear to me? He has never said that to me and I'm not sure if he said it to his friend to seem like a tough guy and not that he came crawling back to me or if he truly means it. I am not going to tell him his best friend told me, but it makes me leery. I just don't know what to think of the situation. He has nothing to gain by calling me all day and telling me he loves me. For over a week he wouldn't tell me he loved me. Up till about a week ago we were on first name basis, but now he has gone back to calling me the nickname he has for me. I thought things were getting better... why would he send an email to his friend like that??? If that is truly how he feels why is he calling me so much and telling me he loves me and that I'm his gorgeous girlfriend and everyone where he is can't wait to meet me because he has talked so much about me?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Um sounds like hes got some one or more likely is trying to have some one else. But maybe the deals not quite done yet so he still feels on shakey ground with that other person. So he figured he better smooth things over with you just incase it falls thu sorry to say..
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Mine is doing the exact same thing to me. He broke up with me in October, and ever since then it is like we never broke up. He is acting the same as your is: telling me one thing, and telling others that we are broken up. Why? The same reason your guy is doing it. He likes all the benefits of having a relationship without having to actually having it labeled as such. I am finding myself wanting/needing closure to the mess he has created. Same here, but I am finding myself still holding on to false hope and wishful thinking. In my situation, I am reluctant to give up anyone, regardless of how little they are giving. If my situation were different, I probably would be thinking differently. He has nothing to gain by calling me all day and telling me he loves me. He does. By doing so, he gets to express how he feels and he gets the comfort and security of you being there for him. He cares for you but he does not want the relationship. By doing what he is doing, he gets to have you but he can continue to tell himself that it isn't a relationship. Why is he doing it? Because it works for him, and because he can.
PLAYBRAT Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) First of all.........you are getting second hand "information" that could be completely FALSE. Some people have a very nasty habit of repeating things they should not. Your B/F could have told him something in confidence when he wasn't sure of what he wanted. You need to trust your B/F. If his actions are showing that he wants to be with you then trust him. I think calling him out about something his friend told you will cause unneccessary problems. I would wait and see what happens. Enjoy the time he is spending with you and how he IS treating you. There is a possibilty that whatever issues he was having are no longer a problem and he is just trying to move on from it and show you through his actions..NOT what he says. Also how would you feel if you told a girlfriend something in confidence about your B/F....then found out later she snuck behind your back and told him...and he then freaked out on YOU. How would you feel?? Put the shoe on the other foot here and think ahead of yourself...not just in the moment. Edited January 17, 2008 by PLAYBRAT
Always Wrong Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) Ego! Ego! Ego! Men say stupid sh*t to one another we wouldn't say to our women. There is "very" likely nothing to it. But it sounds likely you're going to make something of it. Don't be surprised when, forcing your man to explain the stupid sh*t we say to one another, blows up in your face. Edited January 17, 2008 by Always Wrong
Author iamsoveryconfused Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 ok... maybe I wasn't clear. His friend told me but I haven't and don't intend to say anything about it to him as the friend that told me is also my friend and I don't want to lose that friendship over a boyfriend. I, also, have not acted any differently towards him since I heard this information from our friend. I was asking the forum what they thought... I don't intend to ask him what the deal is. I want to believe it is his ego, but then he hasn't told anyone besides his sister and our friend that he was considering breaking up with me. Everyone else he is around right now he has just ranted to about what an amazing, gorgeous person I am blah blah and now they all want to meet me tomorrow when I fly in. He met these people the day after he told me he thought he needed a break, he is over a thousand miles away from me right now... why wouldn't he tell them he didn't have a girlfriend/was breaking up with her? Seems odd to me. Especially since they are all guys ages 23-30, mostly single. I just don't get it. Any insight??
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Ok... I'm confused too. I don't know iam........... I feel for ya. I'd be a little concerned too. I wish my imagination would come up with something. I'm drawing a blank. I sure hope it's just one of those stupid guy things. We really do engage our mouths before we engage our brains sometimes.
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Is there any possibility your friend is stirring the mix for what ever reason? Maybe your friend has a crush on you? or thinks you could do better?
SadShamrock Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I'm not sure why you don't talk to him yourself. I wouldn't trust this "friend's" information until you have spoken to your man. I don't think you are being fair to yourself or him if you have all these doubts and uncertainties- and you are not discussing them with him. If you aren't able to talk to him about this stuff- why are you making an effort to go 1000 miles to see him?
Author iamsoveryconfused Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 i would LOVE to talk to him about everything that is going on...but as I said he will not. Every time I bring up what is going on he has some excuse to get off the phone, gets very quiet or changes the subject. I am hoping my trip and standing there in front of him will help me get some answers. And the friend source... it was kind of an accident that he let me know this information. I told him I was going to CA and he was like why would you do that? and I was like to talk to him about what is going on... and he was like even after he told you he doesn't want to give you false hope and wants to be alone you're going to throw your money away to visit him? And how can I possibly believe my boyfriend right now? I love him, which is why I want to work this out, but he is going to have to regain my trust. You don't tell your girlfriend of 3 years the things he has said to me and expect her to believe you!
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Oh wow, I didn't know it went down that way. That's totally innocent on your mutual friends part. Well... I don't know... your friend has a very good reason, being the unfortunate one who's caught in the middle, to express concern for you. You might need to find a way to fall out of love with him... and flying out to see him just might do the trick. Good luck... and let us know what happens! Be careful... discuss this in a public place... at the airport bar maybe? If you demand an answer there, he'll know you aren't kidding around. He either supplies a valid answer, or you're outa there! Keep us posted!
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