base618 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Just wanted to share this with the community. To bring everyone up to date, found wife cheating over thanksgiving, she moved in with OM right away, divorce papers are filed, house is for sale, etc. Biggest hurt was we were trying to have a baby for over a year and in the midst of fertility treatments when it ended. (I have plenty of posts scattered around LS with my whole story) So... things had gotten kinda nasty the past few weeks. We pretty much have no contact unless it relates to the divorce or selling the house. Occasionally she would do something that would piss me off, and I would reply with a nasty email, some of which must have hit a nerve. I haven't seen her or spoken to her on the phone since I caught her with the OM (caught her away with him via phone, so didn't actually walk in on it, but she admitted it). In retaliation of the mean emails, she started doing things that were technically in our divorce agreement that we signed. For instance, the items in the kitchen were hers and she would keep them after the divorce. It was 'assumed' that they would stay in the house until the house sold, instead she's coming this Saturday to put them in storage to just screw me over and make me get a microwave, dishes, etc. I think this is the email I sent that really set her off (I'm guessing because it's accurate): The "babysitter" was there not because I don't trust you, it was to make sure the tables went with you and didn't end up at ***'s rental unit. He already gets to f**k my wife in exchange for free room and board until you move away, you think I want to help him furnish his apartment as well? I doubt he will quit his job, sell his house and rental unit and move away to a new city with a liar and a cheat, so that's pretty much what's going on right? And now that you don't want the tables, that's probably what you had in mind. This is the part I wanted to share. Monday night my cat got out of the house. A brief background is that a few years ago when I was alone I had bouts with serious depression. A friend of mine asked me to keep a stray she found at my place until she found a home for him, so I obliged, even though I don't like cats. When I got depressed there were days that the only reason I wanted to wake up the next day was so that he would get fed. He really helped me through it. I ended up keeping the cat and he means a lot to me now. While I was out looking for the cat, I got an email from my stbxw stating that she needed to stop by the house the next day at lunch. I replied and told her that the cat got out, and if he wasn't home by morning that a family member would be at the house incase he showed up. I must have sent this after she went to bed, since I did not get a reply from her. at 2:00 in the morning, I got my cat back. The next morning, I got to work and checked my email and there was one from her. Mind you that the past 2-3 weeks our emails have been short, cold, nasty emails and I was expecting the same on this one. Instead, she was very upset and offered to leave work and go to the house and look for him since he knew her and her voice. She offered to walk through the woods all day shaking his treat can if she had to in order to find him. I'm very much a "guy" and can control my emotions, but I had to go to one of the private bathrooms here at work and just cry. So I emailed her back and thanked her for her offer, but told her he had come home late last night. I took the opportunity to apologize for some of the nasty emails I had sent as well. She replied back, and was 'talking' in this one, and she asked how I was doing, if I was eating OK, etc. She even said that she was so worried that I wasn't eating enough that she was going to prepare me some meals and leave them in the fridge on days she checked her mail, but figured I was so angry with her that I wouldn't eat them. We ended up deciding to take a break from our "no contact" rule for one day only, and sent a bunch of emails back and forth. There were lots of apologies and concern for the other person. We both got to say a lot of things we never had the chance to when things ended. In particular was this,which I never expected: All I've ever wanted for you was to be happy and I don't know why I couldn't be happy with you. I am trying very hard to figure that out with help. I miss talking to you so much sometimes I can't do anything but cry. I lost the best friend I will ever have in my life because I can't seem to get it together. I am not sure I'll ever forgive myself for that. I had always just assumed she was happy go lucky in her new life with her new man in the 'honeymoon' phase of a relationship. So near the end of the day, we got to say our "good-byes" since the next day we needed to go back to no contact. I think I got a good deal of closure out of it. If nothing else, prior to that day, I only thought of her as a lying, cheating, b**ch. Don't get me wrong, one nice day of emails doesn't change that, but in addition to being those negative things, I now see her as the person that I decided to spend the rest of my life with, someone who has feelings, and is a real person, not just a source of pain. Just something to keep in mind as you're slinging the mud with the stbx. This really helped change my outlook, helped diminish my anger towards her and will definitely make it easier to forgive and move on. I guess I owe my cat some more treats for figuring out a way to help me get over my wife leaving....
inshock Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Im so glad you found a way to get some peace from the pain... Im over the pain of missing and wanting him back,but the fact he lived a double life for 7 years has been really hard for me to overcome.Been with him for 27 years and never knew he was capable of this. We are just starting the divorce/settlement stuff and I figure it will get nasty. Wish I had a cat to help me too....
LakesideDream Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 You are a lucky man. Few of us get a chance at a nice day, to clear the air, and settle down some of our bad feelings. I didn't. Treasure your kitty. My kitty literally made my life worth living for quite awhile after my divorce. He was full of unconditional love, and a fount of companionship and affection. He passed a few months ago and I'm still mourning the loss. Good luck in the future.. my best wishes.
sedgwick Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 cats=rock. i have no idea how i'd have survived this breakup without mine. i love my cat more than anything in the world and he's the closest thing to a child i'll ever have. i'm so happy for you that you finally got that email from your ex. i think all the time about how "happy-go-lucky" mine is too. sometimes i doubt he even remembers me. i'd give anything to hear from him, and especially to hear that he thinks of me every once in a while. i know that's never going to happen, though. i'm envious of everyone who gets that email. revel in it.
LostHusband Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) Best part of the story? "I got my cat back". My STBXW hates my cat - had it LONG before I met her, and hope to have it long after she leaves. She (my cat) use to sleep in my bed every night when I was single, but that stopped after I got the house with the wife. My cat knows whats going on, she's seen me go through breakups before. She use to hang out downstairs all the time because the wife won't let her upstairs. Now she knows the wife is leaving and she constantly hangs out at the top of the stairs, like she's just waiting for her chance to come up and sleep in my bed. :-) Edited January 20, 2008 by LostHusband
Gunny376 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 These days? On the "randon day" I think of her? I think? "Thank God ~ and Greyhound!" She's gone!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 These days? On the "randon day" I think of her? I think? "Thank God ~ and Greyhound!" She's gone! Go Greyhound!!!!! But seriously If I was you base I wouldnt even be communicating with the Ex, how she left says it all about who she is and what she valued. For your own growth move on without her. Be cordial but keep it moving. You aint got no kids right? Then what's the point of talking? She made her bed let her live in it. You'll find someone else who's worthy and aint gonna hurt you. Who aint gonna cheat and have issues. Who's gonna be loyal. I think for me once a woman breaks my heart it is 90% impossible for me to go back. I will always remember what she did. I will forgive but never forget. It would be hard to look at her in the same light of the woman I loved. How could the woman I loved and trusted betray me so deeply? Knawhat I mean? I dont move backwards, my only aim is forward.
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