GlamourBabe Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hi If you look through my posts you will be able to get a jist of my story between me and my ex. That is if your interested. I am 21, ex is 26. I did all the common mistakes when he first broke up with me, begging, pleading, crying. Telling him over and over how much I love him. I have now stopped after reading all of this info on Love Shack. I am trying to distance myself from my ex because since breaking up we have met up on several occasions and been intimate on all occasions. Since breaking up he says he " never wants to see me as just a friend" and that " I am very special to him". He still tells me he loves me also. He just does not want a " relationship right now". I am starting to get some self respect and said to myself I am not going to allow this man to sleep with me, if he is not commiting himself to me. "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free" springs to mind!. Mentioned that to him, and he didnt take too kindly to that statement!. He makes comments like " I never said I didnt want to be with you ever again" e.t.c For the past week I have not initiated any contact. Yet he called me yesterday, I did not reply untill this afternoon. Sent a message saying " Sorry I missed your call e.t.c " He sends another asking me if, " I am alright?" I reply, saying " I am good thanks". He replys saying " Good, glad your alright" What I am asking here, is am I carrying myself in the right way with him? I do love him, and if he called me up today and said he wanted to be with me again I would be happy ( Funnily though, not as happy as I would of been 9 weeks ago its amazing what time does to you) I never want to initiate any contact with him, I just feel that reconcilliation needs to come from his end. The old Glamourbabe would have called him after that last text and had an hour conversation with him on the phone about general chit chat!. I have been thinking a lot, I made mistakes in my relationship but I was a decent girlfriend too. I always supported him, encouraged him, loved him, praised him and have done up untill 1 week ago. I just feel like in order for him to have those things from he, he should be with me. I dont feel like he should have these things from me if he kicked me to the curb! I know that he is secretly thinking I am going to call him and express my undying love to him but I wont. Lately all I have been feeling is disappointment on my part. I gave everything of myself and left with nothing. I worry that he will forget me if I dont call him because I only sent him a " one liner reply text". Do you think I am carrying myself in a better way?
serendip Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 If he broke up with you but keeps you hanging on...which is not cool just tell him you need space to heal and get over him(the next time he contacts you)...and then ignore him(don't answer...don't respond until you get what you need)...make sure you stick to it it'll drive the dude nuts...if he still loves you...he'll come back...if not then you can move on
s_n_d Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I think your doing great. Ive been on NC with my ex for eight days now and I think it has helped a lot. Blocked him on msn as well. If he really wants to talk to me because hes dying without me, he will call me or text message.. Meanwhile, Im going to try to learn from the mistakes i made in the relationship with him. And I agree with you.. Since hes not your bf anymore, he doesnt deserve all those things like long phone conversations etc... Its hard always when love is involved. But whats meant to be will always find its way.
Author GlamourBabe Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Hi, thanks for all your replies. I am glad I am doing the right thing. Yeah he loves talking to me on the phone, because I encourage him, praise him. e.t.c He loves all of that and up untill a week ago I was telling him I loved him loads but I have stopped. OUTRIGHT COLD. I thought to myself, what about me? If he wants me, he has to have all of me. It is so hard because right now I have got an awful urge to call him but I wont. Please give me the reasons why I shouldnt contact him? I need to get it in my thick skull!! Thanks x
serendip Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 He loves all of that and up untill a week ago I was telling him I loved him loads but I have stopped. OUTRIGHT COLD. I thought to myself, what about me? If he wants me, he has to have all of me. It is so hard because right now I have got an awful urge to call him but I wont. Please give me the reasons why I shouldnt contact him? b/c he doesn't need to be in a relationship with you if you already give him love and support you are meeting his needs...meanwhile he doesn't have to meet yours as long as you contact him or respond to him
Freddy Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hi Glamourbabe, You are doing the right thing. Don't contact him because: 1. You deserve better treatment. 2. If you contact him you'll just want more than he can give. 3. He just using you for sex when he wants it. 4. He knows your weak and will take him back anytime. 5. There's lots of guys out there that will give the love you need. 6. Your still young and now is the time to explore. 7. He can't just go do what he wants and leave you hangin. 8. He doesn't deserve you. 9. He maybe is seeing someone else. 10.He hurt you. Hurt you. Hurt you!
Author GlamourBabe Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Hi, thanks for your replies. Serindip - Yes your completely right do you think I should not respond when he contacts or texts me? Freddy - Some of the things you said are right. I dont think he is seeing anyone, he tells me adamantly that he isnt. To be honest in my gut, I dont think he is. But you never know. I hate the thought of him being with someone else but I cant do nothing about it and I told myself I am not going to get myself upset over something I have no control over whatsoever. That would be wasting valuable energy. Do you think I should ignore him, or just reply with my " one liner " texts. I am not initiating any contact and I am not telling him I love him or miss him either. I have made a lot of progress. I just have this ache in my heart that makes me want to run into his arms when I feel like I am not showing him I love him. Stupid I know. Also, I was neglected as a child. I have a lot of abandonment issues so its been particuarly difficult for me this break up. Thanks for your support guys. xx
Freddy Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 You may want to tell your feelings for him and then go strict NC. Let him realize his feelings for you. LC will only confuse you further cause it lets him know your still there for him.
serendip Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hi, thanks for your replies. Serindip - Yes your completely right do you think I should not respond when he contacts or texts me? Don't respond at all....but if you have to...wait til the 3rd time he contacts you and tell him you need space to heal so that you can move on. It'll give him the impression you are serious. If you have abandonment issues...seek professional help...don't let your neediness turn you into a doormat </of course you are getting advice from the ultimate doormat>
Author GlamourBabe Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Hi Freddy I have told him so many times that I was going to do NC and then half hour later I have changed my mind. It made me feel sooo uncomfortable at the thought of not speaking to him again. I just started shaking and crying uncontrollably. Sounds pathetic, but I think this stems to my abandonment issues. I was abused as a child. And also he tells me he likes having me in his life and he doesnt want to not talk to me. So he tells me to forget NC. I feel so weak when I cant carry it out . I feel stupid that I love him so much and I miss him. I hate having this strong urge to contact him. I am building on my self esteem and I am an intelligent girl, at university at the moment. So , its not that he is the only thing I have in my life. But I do feel empty without him. I worry that he will forget me.. I feel so upset now.
Author GlamourBabe Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Serendip - I know what you mean about being a door mat! I reccomend every woman on here to read "Women who love too much" - Robin Norwood An absolute eye-opener. I felt like the book was written for me.
Recommended Posts