notyourbiz Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I'm shattered on the inside, really... last night my ex broke up with me because he found my account at some other forums where I had posted our relationship issues to get help... he was pissed and now he broke up with me, he says he never wants to know anything from me again, that I never loved him or respected him and that he hates me... he even said he wishes I was dead... that he wishes he never knew me... We always had issued about my past... because of me not being totally honest about it, and because he didn't like what I did back then anyway... He found out 'cos we had argued over IM and he googled my screename which was also the one I used for those forums (not the same I use here). I don't know what to do... I still can't grasp it... I can't believe we're no longer together. My first love, first everything! True, I didn't open up about my past like he wanted me to and kept that account secret, but I gave him my world, I gave him all my love, I love him completely!!! My whole body aches and I want nothing! He put me down so much, my self esteem is so low now... Why is life so unfair? If I gave him everything why wasn't that enough??? How can I move on, I truly wish this was just a bad dream, I don't want to accept we're no longer together... he hurt me badly though...
Ronni_W Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hey, NYB. I am sorry for your pain. In my experience, the "first" is really, really tough. You already know from my other posts that I didn't think he was treating you very well. But that doesn't mean that I don't have empathy for what you're going through now. LSers will help you move through this in ways that will support you and help you maintain your dignity and self-respect. Be kind to yourself, and reach out to people who love you and care about your well-being. Sending Angels of Healing and Acceptance your way.
Lee725 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hi sorry that you are going through this. I can remember my first break up and it was tough. I wanted to die & i thought that i would never recover from it. i was 15.5 when it started and 18 when it finished finally. Men (& women) can be very sensitive when it comes to conversations about their relationships. This is not true for all men but a majority get VERY angry when they find out that their GF has discussed their relationship with someone else. Unless he has used these forums himself he would not understand that they are almost completely anonymous. It is better (as you know now) to use different screen names on different types of sites. I guess he would be feeling now that your IM user name would be known to your friends and his friends and if they did the same search they will also find out. Without giving you unfounded hope, he may settle down about it and you may get a chance to discuss it with him later. In the mean time do the best you can to stay active and busy, this will help to pass the time and to ease your thoughts of him. You will get over him, i can assure you, i can not tell you how long that will take but you will. I know the pain you feel now feels so deep, but it does get better. Good luck.
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