gullible Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 The weekend after Thanksgiving I finally had a conversation with my W about what I consider to be an EA with a man that she's know for years. She's been sending him emails and has met him (supposedly just for drinks) at least twice. I found out by spying on her email. I have no evidence that she's had a physical relationship with him since we've been married. She assured me over and over that he was just a friend and that she had done nothing wrong. She suggested a meeting between the three of us so that I could see for myself that he was just a friend. I eagerly agreed to that. The next Monday she told me that the meeting would be a week from Wednesday. I asked why so long, why not make it this week. She said 'That's just the day that's best for him.' The next Monday she asked me if I still wanted to meet with J. I said that I did and she said 'OK, I'll call him and try to set it up.' I said 'I thought you talked to him and he said that this Wednesday would be best for him'. She said, 'No, I never talked to him, I just figured that this Wednesday would be best for him.' On Wednesday I received an email from her saying 'The meeting with J is going to be next Wednesday instead of today.' She gets off work at 4:30 and normally gets home about 4:50. That day she didn't get home until 6:15, so my suspicion is that she met him without me. She did stop at the mall on the way home, but that could have been a 5 minute trip in and out. The next week she had to be out of town on Wednesday for a business meeting. She didn't say anything about rescheduling, and I didn't question her about it. The next week was the week before Christmas, the following week was the week between Christmas and New Years, so I didn't bring it up during those times. Just after New Years she had an Xray and the doctor told her she might have bone cancer, and she was very anxious about that, so I didn't bring the meeting up. Last week she got the results, and it wasn't bone cancer, so I thought that surely she'll schedule the meeting. Yesterday I got the cell phone bill and found out that she apparently had never called him and discussed meeting with me. This morning I acted like I was thinking about changing the cell phone plan and casually asked if last month was typical of her usage, and if she made lots of her personal calls from work. She said she never made personal calls from work. So, either she was lying about that or she had never called him to discuss any meetings. However there were two calls to him on the cell phone bill that upset me. On December 14 (Friday) she called me at 4:30 to let me know she was going out for drinks with a co-worker. About 6:30 she called and asked if I would like to come and join them. She apparently had already had too much to drink and didn't think she should drive home. Her co-worker left about 8. About 8:30 W went to the restroom and was gone for a long time, so I went looking for her. She was sitting at a table outside making a phone call. She hung up as soon as I came up. I asked who she was calling and she said her co-worker to make sure she made it home safely. From the cell phone bill I found out that she was really talking to OM. It was only 4 minutes (probably because I came out and she cut it short). The following Monday she called him again, also for only a few minutes. Apparently when she's had too much to drink she thinks of him. I was really looking forward to the meeting with OM. Everyone that's responded to my prior posts, plus my counselor tells me that I'm in denial, which is probably true. However, I really want to believe that there's nothing more than friendship, so I thought it was worth meeting with him to see if they could convince me that there was nothing more than friendship. If they were unable to convince me, I had several questions that I was going to ask, and if I could catch them both in several lies it would make my decision on what to do much easier. What I'm trying to decide is I should ask again about the meeting again, or should I just file for divorce. I can't live like this any longer -- I must get it resolved one way or another.
cj1988 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 She is obviously not telling you the truth. They say that when you drink the truth comes out, I am not sure about that, I know when I do drink, whatever mood I am in before I start will be what comes out. I would tell her you are sick of her lies and if she contacts him again that you will serve her with papers. OR you can go ahead and tell her that you want a divorce and WHY, show her the 4 minutes she called him when WITH YOU.....and see if that snaps her out of it, if not, she does not care. I know this from experience....I am leaving my H now, I have no other choice, I will not live with lies, doubt and the UNKNOWN anymore, that is the worst....not knowing what they really felt and or did !
Author gullible Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 I know this from experience....I am leaving my H now, I have no other choice, I will not live with lies, doubt and the UNKNOWN anymore, that is the worst....not knowing what they really felt and or did ! And there is no way to know what they feel or do. Every time my W is late coming home from work I will wonder if she is with OM.
Bryanp Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 It is ridiculous for you to live this way. Based on your previous posts as well, it is pretty clear that your wife has been playing you and has no problem about lying to you about this man. My friend if you do not have trust and honesty in a relationship then what do you really have? It seems pretty obvious that she is playing you and it shows how little respect she has for you. You should contact an attorney to understand your options. When you wife starts to lie to you ask her that you will set up a polygraph test for her. It costs between 300 and 400 dollars. Do you really want to spend the rest of your married life being made a fool of by your wife? I wish you luck.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I think that when people lie, they often do so to protect something that is important to them. Ask yourself why your wife's relationship with this OM meets that criteria... Mr. Lucky
Owl Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Dude... You need to tell your wife that you're no longer comfortable with the amount of time/energy/etc... that she's invested in her relationship with OM. It doesn't matter whether or not you feel its an affair, or even if she does. Its a relationship that's creating strain on the marriage. Your wife is clearly not being honest about it with you. There is nothing more that needs to be said at this point. Explain to her that you're no longer comfortable with it. That she needs to end this relationship with him so that your marriage can prosper. You're no longer willing to sit back and be hurt by it but do nothing about it. end of story
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