miami45uconn Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I have posted before i just like letting out how i feel because i havent been blessed with good friends and the only friend who would care is the one im writing about. The first part is what is new and the 2nd is just copied and pasted just info about our relationship. Im going out of my mind I felt better in the first 4 weeks than i do now. Its been a month and a half since she left and it has gotten worse. This week i started back college courses and i try to sleep and havent but 3 hours in the past 4 days. Nyquil nor does alcohol really work. ( im not gonna drink til i pass out when i have class in the morning). When i try and sleep my heart races memories and thoughts go crazy in my head. I do my best to shove out the thoughts but after a couple hours of laying there just forcing memories and thoughts out of my head i guess i get frustrated and i just cave in. I dont eat i feel sick always. Whenever i even talk to a girl a friend even i feel so sick to my stomach. I love this stupid girl and she has all of me and i have no way of getting it back. Is it really this normal to have things go this wrong. I cry about 12 times a day, ppl who pretend to be good friends r tired of me talking about it and im just stuck caring about a girl who used to beg me not to ever leave to leaving me and not speaking to me and being so cold. Has anyone gone through this i mean i thought time would help but i care more and more it seems everyday im without my love my best friend. Its not like she didnt know i loved her i gave her all of me and did my absolute best. HERE is what i posedt before u dont need to read but u can I posted before but its been about two months after my girlfriend broke up with me and I have tried everything to stop this feeling. She told me for 2 years how much she loved me and wanted to be with me and saw us and a future as being a real possibility. I got on board because i loved her i just was young and she made me believe we had something special. In september of last year she wanted a break. I was hurt and didnt know what to do. We kind of tlaked during the few day break and she came back saying she couldnt live without me. Then this thanksgiving she wanted a break and she she doesnt want me to wait for her. I took that as her saying im probobly going to break up with you i just want you to move on so i dont look like the bad guy when i break your heart. I told her forget that just break up with me. I have never had a broken heart before so i was unsure what to do. I dont have many good friends who will actually be there for me and listen to me. She was my best friend and was the only person i could always go to when i had a real problem. And since she just left my world i really had no one and still dont have many people to turn to. I did some dumb things by calling her alot within the first week. Then after that i just had a few break downs where i called her into the night praying shed answer. yes that was dumb but i didnt know what to do. And just a note it bothers me she makes me out to be the worst guy on earth when i broke up with her a few times because we werent working out and she came to my house opened my garage withe the code and di alot of things to push me away like i did to her and then she makes me look like the crazy one, we both did crazy things when in love. The point is she blocked off all communication I guess which is good for me in the long run but makes me feel terrible currently. She cried before we broke up and said she didnt want me completley out of her life but now she is cruel to me and has even basically stolen some of my friends. I dont know how to stop loving someone. Im afraid i will never be able to deny her if she wants me back. I dont sleep, i get these stupid thoughts in my had of if she wanted me back if she realized she loved me and have all those dreams which are good but then yo have to wake up to reality.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I read both of your posts, and I don't think you mentioned it, how long were you two together?
Author miami45uconn Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 started dating march 05 ended begining od dec 07
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Well that's a long time. I had a two year relationship a few years back and it ended pretty cruddy. So I've been there, and I'll tell you what I did. First, I refused to call him. I refused to email him. NC all the way. He wanted to treat me the way he did, I'm gonna pick up the pieces of my heart and mend them back together. Friends. Make more friends, become one of the many people here on LS to post often. It helps. Go out on your spare time, you know what one of the things I did? I'd go to a book store/coffee house, grab a book, order a piece of cheese cake and a mocha, and just relax with some me time. The physical symptoms you are dealing with are not as unusual as you might think. Stress, hurt, pain, all manifest them selves in different ways for different people. What you have to first do is stick to NC. Focus on YOU and not HER, and not focus on WHAT IF she wants me back? You can't live in the past, what was, or in what you think might happen. What IS happening is what counts. She's not in your life. She left you. It hurts, and you are heart broken. But dwelling on it, making yourself suffer, is not healthy. And I think you are punishing yourself by not eating, not sleeping, because, stop me if I'm wrong, some part of you thinks you're to blame, what could you have done different. Am I right? Don't focus on ANY of it. You have to pick it up and mend it. Meet new people, do volunteer work even, go out and do the things you enjoy, call friends to spend time with. Don't talk about her, because it will only make you dwell even more. Work out at a gym, watch movies, read books, start a new hobby. What ever you enjoy doing, do it. By doing this you are harnessing the pain with a more positive outlet. Beating yourself up about it, dwelling, bodily sufferage (lack of food, sleep) are negative outlets. Simply put, she is no more. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and don't let it have this total control over your life. YOU are in control, you can heal from this. Just read some of my threads if you don't believe me. You WILL be ok. You just have to make it happen. Please take the above advice I gave you. And stay strong hun, i KNOW it hurts. That's how you know you're human and you care. *HUGS*
cj1988 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Most on LS have been where you are now. It is the WORST part of the stages you will fall into.....just try and concentrate on your classes, do something FUN (very important clue) and know that one day that gray cloud above your head will go away. You will be fine.....my cloud is there, but it is becoming smaller by the day.
Author miami45uconn Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Well i dont really know if im to blame or what. Whats so hard is its like she wants to be free. And she has been influenced by her best friend by default and everytime she got to talking to this girl who cant get her own relationships straight, my ex would always have toughts or doubts or i did this or shes not happy. But when her bestfriend goes back to school and my ex is here with me she loves me and nothing is wrong. I just dont get it she said she hadn't felt the same for the last two months(said this end of nov.) but she would still tell me she loves me, and even sent me a text at the end of nov. when she wanted to break up saying i love you. I was just so built up to be so let down. i just ant see how someone can forget about love and their best friend so fast and easily.
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