Still cant seem to leave it in the past, did I make a mistake?

[Cannondale]

I've posted a few times on here about how to cope with my break up from my ex-gf. It's been about 1.5mo. now and I honestly don't feel a whole lot better.

We only went out for about 4mo., but I did end up falling in love with her, and while the relationship was going on it was pretty serious. I mean we slept in the same bed together at least 3 nights a week and we also slept together a few times. On the weekends I was pretty much with her 24/7.

We broke up bec. the fighting was getting redic., it all came to boiling pt. one night when one of her fam. members got involved and I just told her we needed a break, she agreed without hesataition. Now after this she went out with another guy not even a week later and to the best of my knowledge slept with him., they broke up and now shes onto another guy already. When I break it down and remove the emotion, I can see that it really wasn't the best, and she was quite controlling during the relationship at times, would try to blame things on me that were not my fault, plus she was pretty spoiled. I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes, but I just don't understand why I cant get over this, I have never had this problem before.

I'm starting to think I should have tried to make things work with her, idk...

[Lee725]

To be having such difficulties at the 4 month mark that it ultimately caused the destruction of the relationship is to me a pretty clear indicator that splitting was probably the best thing to do, although you now have the feelings of not trying hard enough to fix it.

 

Have you made any attempts to date other people yourself?

Perhaps this will help.

no one can say exactly how long it will take to heal from this but you will start to feel better.

[Cannondale]

To be having such difficulties at the 4 month mark that it ultimately caused the destruction of the relationship is to me a pretty clear indicator that splitting was probably the best thing to do, although you now have the feelings of not trying hard enough to fix it.

 

Have you made any attempts to date other people yourself?

Perhaps this will help.

no one can say exactly how long it will take to heal from this but you will start to feel better.

 

I haven't made any attempts to date as I have never really been the one to go out an actively seek girls. I always end up meeting them through my friends or just circumstances in life. Idk thats just always the way it has been for me, lol. I know I tried my hardest to make it work, and I know I'm better off without her, but I just want to move on from this.

[Lee725]

Moving on will take time but in order to do it you have to help yourself.

I know what you are saying about meeting people through friends and circumstances, as i often find myself in the same situation.

 

I did try Lavalife once, although my experience with it did not result in a lasting relationship.

It was a great way to meet with people without all the embarrassment that comes with "dating".

 

Telling yourself you are better off without her is a good thing, but it does not always work. (been there too).

Accepting what has happened and believing that you will meet someone who can make you feel happy and loved has helped me more.

More than anything tho it is important that you are happy with yourself because true happiness & optimism for the future comes from within.

Good luck.

[Cannondale]

Moving on will take time but in order to do it you have to help yourself.

I know what you are saying about meeting people through friends and circumstances, as i often find myself in the same situation.

 

I did try Lavalife once, although my experience with it did not result in a lasting relationship.

It was a great way to meet with people without all the embarrassment that comes with "dating".

 

Telling yourself you are better off without her is a good thing, but it does not always work. (been there too).

Accepting what has happened and believing that you will meet someone who can make you feel happy and loved has helped me more.

More than anything tho it is important that you are happy with yourself because true happiness & optimism for the future comes from within.

Good luck.

 

Right, I know. I have been hanging out with my friends a lot more lately which has deff. helped. I do think meeting someone new would help a lot, but I know from my experience that a lot of girls out there(no offense to any girls/women here) are no good and I don't want to get involved with someone who will only drag me down.

[sedgwick]

1.5 months out is nothing. Of course you're still hurting. It's still very fresh. But after four months of a relationship, you should still be swooning over each other! If you're fighting at all after four months, it's probably a sign you're not compatible. Can you imagine how you'd have been after a year?

[Cannondale]

1.5 months out is nothing. Of course you're still hurting. It's still very fresh. But after four months of a relationship, you should still be swooning over each other! If you're fighting at all after four months, it's probably a sign you're not compatible. Can you imagine how you'd have been after a year?

 

Right, thats what everyone told me. Makes a lot of sense. Everyone I have explained the situation to has told me shes the one in wrong and that she is screwed up. Granted a lot of this is coming from friends so I know they're going to say things to make me feel better, but they also wouldn't lie, if I were in the wrong they would tell me. I just can't help feeling like what if I did this or that, maybe it would be different. And I just feel so dumb whining like this over such a short relationship, lol...

[Lee725]

I just can't help feeling like what if I did this or that, maybe it would be different. And I just feel so dumb whining like this over such a short relationship, lol...

 

There are HEAPS of people on here that have had short relationships which have affected them immensely.

Don't feel dumb, i am in the same boat with my last one (i was a 3 month rebound for him), as much as i saw the prospect for a long term relationship with him, i am out the other end now and know that it just was not meant to be.

 

the feeling of "if i did this or that", it is pretty normal - that one still creeps up on me from time to time, but hey, i could do this, that or the other and i could have ended up in the same boat anyway! - just later on.

[sedgwick]

Don't feel bad -- it sometimes doesn't take long at all to fall in love. I've been really in love, really deeply truly in love, twice in my life. The first time was when I was 23 and we were together for three months. It took me a decade to get over him. I was with other people in that time, of course, but it was a little over 10 years before I saw him again and thought, what was I thinking?

 

The second time was with my most recent ex. The very first time I ever saw him, I said, "That's my husband." The friends I was with were like, "The scrawny dude with the bass who looks like Abraham Lincoln?" I was like, yup, that's the one. Totally thought I was right. We made it almost a year before he ditched me and proved me completely wrong.

[LoveIsABeauty]

Omg sedgwick!!! That’s exactly what I said when I saw my so called man before he did what he did for the first time. I was like there is my husband right there and my friends were like yep you both are going to get married to each other. Memories…I’m so sad. Damn these guys. Maybe they aren’t meant for us right now but down the road maybe? Can’t lose hope now can we lol!!

[oppath]

It's not always the length of the relationship, it is the intensity of the feelings. Some 2 year relationships aren't worth a damn and the people were never madly in love. Sometimes you date for one month and it takes a year to get over it. You dated long enough to have real feelings and 1.5 months is not long enough to be fully over it. It will happen when it happens and if it takes a while, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm still grieving a 6 month relationship 1 year later.

 

While I wish I didn't think about it, and I feel pathetic at times, in that year I've made the most of my time. I've really grown as a person and taken a dozen rec classes, sports, etc to really expand myself. I am a better person for it.

 

If it takes time to move on, that is fine. Just make the most of that time. Even if you grieve and think of it long past to the point you feel pathetic, do something with that time.

[Cannondale]

It's not always the length of the relationship, it is the intensity of the feelings. Some 2 year relationships aren't worth a damn and the people were never madly in love. Sometimes you date for one month and it takes a year to get over it. You dated long enough to have real feelings and 1.5 months is not long enough to be fully over it. It will happen when it happens and if it takes a while, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm still grieving a 6 month relationship 1 year later.

 

While I wish I didn't think about it, and I feel pathetic at times, in that year I've made the most of my time. I've really grown as a person and taken a dozen rec classes, sports, etc to really expand myself. I am a better person for it.

 

If it takes time to move on, that is fine. Just make the most of that time. Even if you grieve and think of it long past to the point you feel pathetic, do something with that time.

 

That makes a lot of sense, I never thought of it like that. I deff. did have very strong feelings for her, I still do to a pt. but I'm not in love with her anymore. The thing that gets to me now is she jumped so quickly in with other guys, and then she just creates lies to try and justify her behavior.