FoundMe Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 So, I've been with my boyfriend for roughly 4 1/2 years. When we met, things were great...we moved in together after just over a year. Since the night we met, he knew I was going to law school, and when I got my acceptance letter, we started talking about him moving with me. He did. That was 2 years ago. I began law school in fall of 2006. I've realized for quite a while that he's perfectly content with the small town life we HAD back home; I was ok with that at one point, too. Since I've started school, though, I've grown & changed so much, and I keep finding things I want to see and do and experience. I try to get him excited about these things, because I want him to share in some of this stuff. While we were home over the holidays, he made it abundantly clear he's not interested in "stepping outside [his] box." I can't deal with it anymore. I've got a letter all written up on things that I need to change that haven't in the past 2 years, I just need to find the opportunity to give it to him & sit and talk with him. Currently, we have a leased townhouse together, and the lease is through September. My problem is that I don't think there is any way out of the lease given the current market in our area (we rent, but the property is technically up for sale, so I don't think the owners/managers will be willing to let us sublease). It will potentially cost us about $10,000 to break the lease. I can't afford that place on my own, and he's in school part-time as well, so he still needs to be in the area. First, do I break up with him now (I've essentially been "checked out" of the relationship for a solid 6 months now), and we go to being OFFICIALLY roommates (as opposed to just effectively roommates, as it currently stands)? Or do I try to stick it out until it's closer to the end of the lease (which doesn't really seem fair to either of us)? Second, I've already been asked out by a guy I'm very interested in. Do I tell him, before 'accepting' the date, that I'm going through a breakup? Do I not say anything at all? Do I not accept at all? If I do accept, I just want him to be aware of what's going on with me. Thanks in advance for any clarity you all might bring me!! I'm just so confused...
LakesideDream Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 You BF is so very lucky. You have "checked out" of the relationship, but he's nice enough to continue sharing the rent. Do you at least treat him to a chunk of butt occasionally? Why don't you let him know you've been "asked out" and you are interested in the other man sexually/emotionally? You aren't doing him any favors the way things are not. Hope your cake is tasty.
Lee725 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 unless i am reading this wrong, you want to date a guy (& effectively cheat), while you have not yet "found the opportunity" to break up with your current BF of 4.5 years who you live with? Hmmmm..... Your questions: 1) if you want no longer want to be with your BF tell him & move out whether you can afford it or not, from what i have read otherwise you are using him. 2) Dating anyone right now at all Untill you have broken up with your BF and moved out is a REALLY bad idea. (i could say a lot more but wont).
MakeLemonade Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 You BF is so very lucky. You have "checked out" of the relationship, but he's nice enough to continue sharing the rent. Do you at least treat him to a chunk of butt occasionally? Why don't you let him know you've been "asked out" and you are interested in the other man sexually/emotionally? You aren't doing him any favors the way things are not. Hope your cake is tasty. While I agree with the ultimate point of this comment - the way it was worded is unneccessary & rude. Unless you can prove this poster is a troll or something..... OP - please don't let this reply put you off of LS all together my dear. Most of the people here are a little more polite than this even if what they think you are doing is atrocious, whatever it may be. I would advise that you should at all costs be honest with your boyfriend. I am sure he can sense things have changed and if you can agree to go forward as roommates only, do so - I wouldn't be accepting any dates for awhile - geez you're going to have only just broke up with him. I can tell by the way you've written you would really prefer to just move out but the lease thing is binding you, at least you have the decency to not leave him hanging with a huge rent payment, you could easily just pack up and move out. Be honest, that is the best advice I can give you. And follow your dreams. You and he have obviously grown apart but after all the time you have spent as BF/GF you owe him the respect to be honest and to work out the rental situation at hand. Good luck to you.
Ronni_W Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Easy part first: I would hold off on all 'dating' and 'coffee meetings' until AFTER I've resolved the status of the current relationship. More difficult part: What will you do if he has no interest in becoming "just" roommates until September? It will be INCREDIBLY tough on him if you start dating immediately -- are you okay with that? And if your dating life doesn't go according to plan BUT he all-of-a-sudden becomes Mr. StudMuffin -- are you okay with that? Going from romantic to platonic roommates CAN be done...it's just not all that easy.
Author FoundMe Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Wow. I expected some harsh responses, but wow. I know what I have to do, I just wanted some 'outside' perspective, I guess. And I got it. Thanks.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Wow. I expected some harsh responses, but wow. I know what I have to do, I just wanted some 'outside' perspective, I guess. And I got it. Thanks. Hey feel free to come back anytime we'll continue smacking idiots with 2x4's to get our points across!!! Thank you, come again!
vivrantflo Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 While I agree with the ultimate point of this comment - the way it was worded is unneccessary & rude. Unless you can prove this poster is a troll or something..... OP - please don't let this reply put you off of LS all together my dear. Most of the people here are a little more polite than this even if what they think you are doing is atrocious, whatever it may be. Hey, there are different personalities on Loveshack, and that's my buddy Lakeside.. he gives it to you straightforward.. I should know, he beat the hell out of me when I first joined. lol Welcome to the Loveshack!
Author FoundMe Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Hey, there are different personalities on Loveshack, and that's my buddy Lakeside.. he gives it to you straightforward.. I should know, he beat the hell out of me when I first joined. lol Welcome to the Loveshack! Thanks! I guess sometimes it takes writing everything down and having very blunt critics to make a person realize what a stupid thing they're thinking about doing. Update as an aside: talked to BF, we're going to see where to take things from here. Talked to other guy, told him NO. See? Sometimes a girl just needs some outside perspective to straighten things out a bit.
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