randuff Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I met a girl. I totally dig her. She is everything I could ask for in a woman. She is intelligent, funny, sensitive, caring, likes to get crazy in the sack and is smokin hot! But I can't get my ex out of my mind. It has been 8 months since we split after 4 years and about a year after I found out that she had cheated. I would like to say I don't think about her and I have moved on but I haven't. The new girl is concerned about her as I figured she would be. I just don't know what to do. I am so into the new girl but I don't want to hurt her, she does not deserve that at all. I don't know what it is about my ex that draws me to her. Is it because I want what I can't have??? The new girl digs me too. It's crazy. Two or three months ago I was hoping to meet someone that I was into that was into me. Now that I have that I am having second thoughts. We haven't officially started "dating" yet and I am worried I will hurt her if we do. Any thoughts on this? I am just confused about what I should do.
vivrantflo Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Hey Just because it's been 8 months since you split with your ex, that doesn't mean it's wrong that you're not over her yet. The new girl sounds great for you, but maybe you're just not ready to date yet. And there's nothing wrong with that man. Just give yourself more time. Hell my breakup was just over a year ago, and I STILL can't date. I'm not putting pressure on myself though. When im ready, Im ready.. Take care
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 The best thing you could do randuff is get your ex out of your mind. Focus on the new girl and moving on. Work through your past issues. You only torture yourself when you think about your x.
sedgwick Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 If you're not dating her and you're still in love with your ex...please, please don't sleep with her. That hurts so much.
Author randuff Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 I don't plan to as much as I want to because that will screw me up too
Ronni_W Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 ...I was hoping to meet someone that I was into that was into me. Now that I have that I am having second thoughts. Hmmm...that is a head-scratcher If someone offered you $10,000 to GUESS what's going on with the confusion, what would you tell them? (And I promise...if I win the $25million lottery tonight, I will pay you Cdn$10,000 )
Lee725 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Hi Randuff, many many years ago people "courted", they didn't sleep together, they had simple dates and enjoyed each others company as people rather than committed partners. One may label this these days almost as being "friends", but in those days there was intention & that intention was to investigate a long term partnership. Point: enjoy her company, get to know her better as she does you, let her know that you are into her and wish to see where this may lead but you would like to take it slow. Discuss exclusitivity therefore she will not feel like you may be taking advantage of her in the sense of wanting to be with her yet not wanting something so serious so quick. You know what it is like to be hurt therefore i doubt you will truly hurt her. Thinking of your X is normal because she is the last reference point you have for relationships, you have acknowledged you have moved on but you can not forget her. I can assure you that there are many of us who wish we could simply forget the X. I really hope this works out for you. Having faith in yourself and in the decisions you make will guide you along the right paths when it comes to the new wonderful girl.
Author randuff Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Thanks Lee, I really appreciate that advice. I don't want to rush into things at all with her. I really like this girl and maybe I think of the ex as you said because she is the last reference I have. Hopefully things will be nice with this new girl and it will help with the feeling of not forgetting the ex. I will just enjoy the new girl and take things very slowly.
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Go SLOW with the new girl and definately don't have sex with her. Make sure you're honest and upfront about everything.. Have you blocked your ex yet? Email, text messages, IM's? If not, DO SO NOW.
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