onmyownagain Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) Been married to my ex wife for 12 years, a couple of weeks ago we reached a stage where we couldn't go on as we were, so I left in the hope a bit of space would help. Since then she has turned really bitter and angry and doesn't want to know. How am I supposed to move on from this? I'm hitting 40 this year (guess no big surprise party now) and really don't want to start all over again. Edited January 16, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
amaysngrace Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 How am I supposed to move on from this? I'm hitting 40 this year (guess no big surprise party now) and really don't want to start all over again Have you considered seeing a counselor for your problems? Not just a marriage counselor but on your own? You may be having some sort of mid-life crisis.
Author onmyownagain Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 I would gladly go to councilling but she always refused. I don't think I had many issues about my age until I found myself if this position. I am a bit controlling and have a temper (not one where she needed to be scared of me) which ment she put up walls I couldn't get through. She doesn't think I can change and I couldn't change all the time she had the walls up.
amaysngrace Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I would gladly go to councilling but she always refused. I was saying you need to see one on your own. That's the only way to truly change. Not for her. For you. You sound like you won't go unless she holds your hand. It's your responsiblity to get help if you think you need it. The age thing maybe just came up but it's probably been playing on your mind for a while now. I'm not saying that's the problem but it could be a part of it. I think you should go and talk to somebody.
cj1988 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Wow, we shoul dbe twins. I am leaving a 13 year M and I am 41, scary huh? I am asking the same questions, but am finding out with all the answers, I am the only one that can make decisions......it is hard knowing that after all this time you are not going to see them everyday, sleep with them at night etc.....BU, in the end, I will be happier without all the struggles and fights we have now ! That is what I keep telling myself everyday.... although I am so hurt and scared, it has to be better than this !
Author onmyownagain Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Probably will get some concilling at some stage but not really ready for that at the moment. Only left last Monday and find it strange that my old best friend and lover just isn't there for me any more. Staying with my parents while I sort out somewhere to live but I am sure will feel better when I move in to somewhere I can call home and get a few of the bits from my old house. cj1998 - I really no the answers to be honest, gone into no contact etc. but still hard and I find getting feed back on here sometimes helps for a while.
carrot10 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Hi-I left my h after 11 years of marriage. It was the absolute best decision for the both of us. It was very hard though. We both are soooo much better now-it's been 2 years since I left. We are the about the same age as you and now are both in different and happy relationships. It took me a year to start dating after I left. he began right away. I have realized so many things about myself that I don't think I would have otherwise. We have finally accepted each other and are really good friends now. The beginning was tough-alot of the same behavior-yelling, manipulating, etc.. but time and forgiveness took care of that. My looking inward and working on myself has also helped. I wish you the best.
Author onmyownagain Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if someone else had been involved, because there would be no going back for me if that had happened. I know she has had enough now but think given half a chance we might have made it. She would say I have had many chances though I guess. We are fighting a bit over my daugher (11) who wants to spend a week with me and then a week with my wife. Wife just wants me to have her weekends.
carrot10 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 We also have a daughter that is 8. she was almost 6 when I left. It was really testy at the beginning in reguards to her. we are both very stubborn and alot of threats were made. we live in 2 different states (4hrs apart) he travels alot for work. It makes it very hard to coordinate equal amounts of time. We meet half way. We don't have a formal aggreement about times so most of the organizing falls on me. The best thing I can say is even if you wife is bitter and is being demanding try not to fall into a nasty battle about your little girl. She will be the one who suffers. Its very hard situation.
Author onmyownagain Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Thanks carrot10. My daughter suffering would be the last thing I want. I do need to know the answer soon though because a work mate here needs to get a flat and would like to share one with me but I wont do that if she is with me. Not a problem if she just comes over at weekends because he heads back up north to be with his family (only down here in the week because of the office). Wife and I haven't had much contact since the split and then only in texts but hers are really bitter towards me. We split before for three months and she was similar in the begining but became nicer as time went by (enough to get back together) and I am a bit strange in that I wont want to see or hear from her at all if I can avoid it so this isn't doing me any good at all.
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