fizzbomb Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 My boyfriend dumped me without warning. We'd even been intimate and talking about a holiday the night before. There's noone else involved, and he couldn't give a reason, saying he still loves me and still fancies me, but something's wrong. Any idea what's going on in his head? Can I get him back?
amaysngrace Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I'm not a guy but I've been like this before due to commitment phobia. Getting closer to another or making plans with another doesn't make me feel comfortable. Usually it makes me feel suffocated.
momma3179 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 It could be a multitude of things. He could be a commitment-phobe like some others have said; stressed at work; things could just be moving fast? How long were you two together? A little background might be helpful if the advice already given hasn't helped as we really only know that he has broken up with you out of the blue...
FindingMyselfAgain Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 My boyfriend dumped me without warning. We'd even been intimate and talking about a holiday the night before. There's noone else involved, and he couldn't give a reason, saying he still loves me and still fancies me, but something's wrong. Any idea what's going on in his head? Can I get him back? I'll answer your thread; you answer mine. Bottom line is without a reason, you cannot truly know what's going on. If he's not EMOTIONALLY intimate with you, you'll never know what's truly going on in his soul. So... without more info, I cannot truly tell you what will or is going on. If he honestly doesn't know himself, it could be because the commitment is making him freak. It could be because he thinks he wants to try to do 'better'. Hell, without more info, it could even be because he's bisexual or gay! Tell him you'll give him a week to find out what's up, if you are in communication still. If not, let him call then ask him what the real deal is.
Author fizzbomb Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 More details are on the thread "Just been dumped - is there any hope?". Thanks for your responses. He's definitely not gay, but I think maybe he's confused about something, and it's not me. We'd been together 18 months and best friends for 2 years before. We are definitely emotionally tuned in to eachother, so it's not that. My greatest concern is that we don't lose our friendship. I don't think setting an ultimatum for telling me whats wrong will work because a) he's already dumped me and b) I genuinely believe he doesn't know himself.
momma3179 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Just give him time then. You were friends before the relationship and you say you are tuned into each other, then time will tell. But, I'd definitely let him come to you. If you keep on him or offer an ultimatum he may push you further away and then you will not have only lost him romantically, but as a friend as well.
Author fizzbomb Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Thanks for ur help. We've had some contact - at first everything was as well as could be expected, but then a mutual friend got involved trying to help, and from my perspective at least it really didnt help. So I've set the record straight with her, and emailed him just to make sure he didnt get the wrong idea about our friend's idea of helping. So now that's it, I'm gonna leave him alone for as long as I can. But, tbh, I don't have much hope, and I'm devestated.
FindingMyselfAgain Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 My greatest concern is that we don't lose our friendship. My experience is that friendships go too. The friendship is loaded with too much other stuff, and -- especially when another party enters the picture -- the jealousy of the other party prevents the friendship. I had to give up my friendship with my S.O. It was gone when she moved the guy in. No way to maintain the contact any more. I'm getting other friends today.
Author fizzbomb Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 ARGH! He just called me. It was for a favour, but he called me none the less. It was something he could have found on the internet if he looked properly. Everytime I go to start NC something happens. I don't know if that's good or bad. What do you think? And I know I probably shouldn't have answered....
Author fizzbomb Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 So - I've been trying to go NC, not strictly, just enough so that if he wants space he's getting it. He has been contacting me though, and since I want to maintain our friendship, I've been replying. We had a brief conversation by text, only a few texts each, and he said he "isn't satisfied with life at the moment". He then implied that he didn't regret ending our relationship though. So I don't know. I'm kinda hoping that if we just carry on casually talking to eachother now and again maybe we can grow closer again. But having said that we were never not close... I suppose as it's a long distance relationship we're used to not seeing eachother so him missing me is gonna take longer. As well as him being on a dumper timescale and me being on the dumpee timescale. AND him being at uni with loads of friends around and me being in our home town with not much to do... Am I clutching at straws? I'd like to think that when we do see eachother next (hopefully the end of Feb) those feelings will come back, but...I'm scared. The fact that I don't know why he dumped me makes it hard to try and work out what would make him come back. Any thoughts? x
82knightrider Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 He is confused.Leave him alone for a long time.
Author fizzbomb Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Completely alone? For how long? I'm scared we'll grow too far apart to be friends. I know everyone says you can't be friends with an ex, but I don't believe it and I'm not willing to lose him. He's amazing
82knightrider Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Concentrate on yourself.Your best chance to at least be friends is to Not care anymore.Love yourself.
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