sveltskye Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. I'm around him all the time and I'm concerned about his drinking habits. He never treats me badly because of it, and it doesn't affect his school or work, but he drinks pretty frequently and sometimes a little heavily IMO. He drinks almost everyday a beer or two, and when we go out its sometimes 3 or 4 drinks. I don't feel this is a dealbreaker yet, but it makes me a little nervous about the future- for example, if we got married and had kids and I had to depend on him for things more, would he be able to stop drinking as often? It seems more appropriate for his college lifestyle now, but I don't want it to turn into alcoholism. But its so hard to tell approach telling him this, I mean it is his life. Is a six month relationship an appropriate length of time and commitment to bring up concerns such as this? How do I encourage him to mediate himself when it comes to this? I don't feel like I need him to stop drinking completely, I just think he needs to think about how much and how often is appropriate. I can "watch" his drinks for him, but I don't know if that would get to the root of the problem. I don't know if it would ever come down to me giving him an ultimatum, but I'd like to know if there's anything I can do to ease my worries about this before it would come to that. ETA: This is a guy that I could see myself with in the long run, he is a wonderful boyfriend and treats me really well, so I'd like to try and nip this in the bud, or at least improve it. Edited January 16, 2008 by sveltskye
Pyro Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 In the end, it will be his call to stop drinking. Six months is not too early. Just tell him what you told us on here and be sure to tell him that you are concerned because you care.
Prodigal Princess Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 May I ask how old you are? A couple of beers every day and three or four drinks when you go out is pretty normal where I come from. Actually, it is much less than the amount most guys in my circle of friends drink. And I am out of university and working full time. Only you can decide what you will tolerate from your boyfriend. However, perhaps you could try having a few yourself and join in the fun? Please don't turn into one of those killjoys who nags her boyfriend to come home early from the pub! Believe me, at this point in your boyfriend's life, that will spell disaster for your relationship.
Enema Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Well, I'm from Australia too so maybe we're just all pissheads here, but I agree with the above poster. Sounds like he drinks pretty conservatively.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I kinda agree with the last 2 posters a few beers a night is ok long as it dosent get much over that. I'm in the same area of the world as them and thats not much at all. Try dealing with some one who can finish a 12 pack in one night and who thinks thats normal then tell me about drinking probs. I would let him be for now dosent sound like its affecting or hurting you no its def not at a bad level. Now on the other hand if you would rather date a non drinker. Which is fine and your choise then break things off with him but you can't limmit what a persons going to drink it usualy dosent work and can make things worse!
amaysngrace Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Yes I agree that if you can't beat them, join them. It's not really that big of an issue right yet. You aren't marrying him or starting a family anytime soon. Be his girlfriend...not his mother. But if you can't live with it then leave the relationship. Right now it really isn't any of your business. If he drank like that six months ago and you were okay with it then you really have no place to say it's a problem for you now. Unless you are looking for reasons not to like him anymore...
EnigmasMuse Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 What one person might feel is to much another may not, just depends I guess. Its good you're concerned about it though. You just never know what might turn into something that gets out of hand. But right now just let him know you're concerned and thats really all you can do. It wil be up to him if he feels its a problem or not. He would have to make that call.
malaclypse Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Right now it really isn't any of your business. If he drank like that six months ago and you were okay with it then you really have no place to say it's a problem for you now. Unless you are looking for reasons not to like him anymore... I don't agree. If you're in a relationship, and something worries you, you should never hesitate to talk about it...the 'problem' or better, the OP's problem with her BFs drinking will not go away, and not mentioning it will just create unnecessary tension. Just tell him that you think he drinks to much...maybe he will agree, maybe he won't, maybe he will drink less, maybe he won't - but at least you both know where you stand on this issue. On a side-note, I also think his drinking is nothing out of the ordinary, and not a reason to be worried if everything else is ok.
Author sveltskye Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) Let me clear up things a little bit. No, I certainly am not being his mother, I've only mentioned it bothering me when he got so drunk that I was turned off, which happened like 3 times. And I have joined in with him, in fact, I drink much more casually now than when I've started dating him. There's also the fact that I have a metabolic syndrome kind of thing and take meds, so I can't go overboard with drinking. However, it seems like he's just always drinking twice as much as I am- when I have a couple drinks, but he has 4 or 5, when I have a few sips from his beer for lunch, he has a whole bottle. I may have under represented a little bit also because of how often we go out when I said "when we go out". We go clubbing on average probably 3 times a week, and often it seems like he's chugging through 3-5 drinks. It just seems like he drinks so casually, which just worries me because I come from a household that was very wary about drinking because my grandfather was drunk a lot. So my mom always worried about drinking too much and taught me about moderation. Sometimes I feel like I have to censor myself when talking about how much my bf and I drink with her. My parents never have drank on a day to day basis, so it seems like a lot to me. I don't feel like its affecting the relationship too much right now, I just worry that it might in the future, especially if it gets worse. But maybe I am being too paranoid. I thought that he was more of a heavy drinker, but maybe that's more normal than I thought. Oh, and of course, I didn't realise six months ago quite the extent of how much he drank. I've heard from others that he was actually worse before he started going out with me. Edited January 17, 2008 by sveltskye
Author sveltskye Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 I think my mom may be rubbing off on me. I do feel better now reading everybody's posts saying that it doesn't seem like he drinks that much. I've read some posts on here about drinking where people talked about drinking very occassionally so I thought that was more the norm.
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