I think there is something seriously wrong with him. Is this a mental DISORDER?

[Driver]

My boyfriend and I were together for almost five years (and we are both nineteen now, so obviously we are very young).

 

I broke up with him several months ago because I realized he had terrible patterns of not being able to be responsible and learn from his mistakes. He would go through phases where he'd start smoking weed on a daily basis. During these phases he was basically a dud and would cancel our plans constantly, so I would break up with him. He'd finally come to his senses and agree to stop smoking, but eventually he would go back to it again, and I'd break up with him again, and it'd be a whole cycle. In addition to the weed, he has had a pattern of starting and quitting multiple jobs, calling in sick to work, and leaving jobs without notice. He also screwed up in college and dropped out before his first semester ended. ALSO, he has a huge problem with spending money. He constantly puts himself into huge money holes. He will get money and then immediately spend it. He says, "As I spend the money my brain is telling me it is a horrible idea, but I do it anyway." On weed, on video games, on the dumbest things. He is completely on his own and NEEDS to save money, because he has an enormous amount of financial responsibility on his shoulders.

 

I think there is something literally wrong with him. At various times in the last three years he has literally CRIED and told me he knows he is screwing up his life, and he says he is making efforts to change, but nothing seems to happen. Just the same patterns over and over again. No matter what happens, no matter what kind of hole he gets into, whether it is having to drop out of school, getting in debt, or losing me, he can't seem to learn from his mistakes.

 

He had to lose me. I realized I deserve more than this. However, we were in a long relationship, and it is important to both of us to maintain a friendship. And I feel I would like to help him, and I would like some kind of explanation for all of this...but it is so puzzling to me.

 

 

I know, I KNOW that he cares about me deeply, and that is what makes all of this so troubling. He literally can't do the right thing in order to succeed in life and get what he wants.

Edited January 16, 2008 by Driver
Did not finish sentence

[sedgwick]

He's very young and he's got to grow up. Hopefully he won't just remain a burnout. He may very well have a mental illness; a lot of bipolar people smoke pot because it brings them down when they're manic and makes them feel better when they're depressed. Is he willing to go get some sort of psych evaluation? It might be that something as simple as an antidepressant would make a world of difference.