smoochie Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Hi all, I have been seeing this guy for a few months. We have been intimate already. We said (him first) that we didn't want to get into a relationship at the time before we started sleeping together. Well fast forward to the other day. He asked me if I could see me and him being in a relationship together. I didn't answer directly and threw the ball back in his court. Although I didn't ask him the same in return, I pretty much maintained some secrecy on my feelings about it. He asked if I wanted kids, if I ever wanted to get married, etc. Does this sound like he is interested in having a relationship with me? Do guys ask these types of questions of girls they are not really interested in? We get along good but I rattled along in the conversation saying obscure stuff because I was a little nervous to "show my hand" but am a little scared I might have seemed uninterested. What does all of this sound like? Any suggestions and replies would be appreciated.
D-Lish Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Yes, it does sound as if he is wanting to get closer by knowing a little more about you. But you played your cards right by being aloof. A good answer to questions like these are: "Maybe, someday if the right guy came along I'd think about having kids" & "I haven't thought a lot about marriage- I suppose someday, but the guy will have to be pretty amazing" Why are these good answers? Because it serves two purposes. A) It relaxes him a bit, let's him know you are not in a huge hurry to walk down the aisle... you have a cool head on your shoulders. B) By mentioning it will take an "amazing" guy to capture your heart.... he will want to do things to be that amazing guy in your eyes. It's not game playing... it's simple psychology. He's testing the waters with these questions. If you were to blurt out you wanted 3 kids and a "5 star white dress" wedding".... That's pressure to a guy (even though he is the one asking). By being relaxed and cool with your answers, he'll be disarmed, and if he likes you- he'll step up his game to be that special guy.
johan Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Well fast forward to the other day. He asked me if I could see me and him being in a relationship together. I didn't answer directly and threw the ball back in his court. Although I didn't ask him the same in return, I pretty much maintained some secrecy on my feelings about it. He asked if I wanted kids, if I ever wanted to get married, etc. I'm guessing he has a friend who is interested in all that, and he wants to set the two of you up. He won't do it if you're not on the same wavelength with his friend.
malaclypse Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Yes, it does sound as if he is wanting to get closer by knowing a little more about you. But you played your cards right by being aloof. A good answer to questions like these are: "Maybe, someday if the right guy came along I'd think about having kids" & "I haven't thought a lot about marriage- I suppose someday, but the guy will have to be pretty amazing" Why are these good answers? Because it serves two purposes. A) It relaxes him a bit, let's him know you are not in a huge hurry to walk down the aisle... you have a cool head on your shoulders. B) By mentioning it will take an "amazing" guy to capture your heart.... he will want to do things to be that amazing guy in your eyes. It's not game playing... it's simple psychology. He's testing the waters with these questions. If you were to blurt out you wanted 3 kids and a "5 star white dress" wedding".... That's pressure to a guy (even though he is the one asking). By being relaxed and cool with your answers, he'll be disarmed, and if he likes you- he'll step up his game to be that special guy. I don't agree - imho the right thing to do would have been to discuss these things openly and honestly like adults. I mean, they are already sleeping with each other...now would be a good time to establish good communication, if they are both interested in a R (as it seems to me).
littlekitty Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I don't agree - imho the right thing to do would have been to discuss these things openly and honestly like adults. I mean, they are already sleeping with each other...now would be a good time to establish good communication, if they are both interested in a R (as it seems to me). I agree. What's the point of beating around the bush? Just talk about it openly and honestly with him. As Malaclypse says, it will establish open communication going forward.
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