maynicholas Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 So I agreed to a date with a guy I'm not attracted to (we had some things in common so I said yes). I know this will be the only date. Do I tell him at the start of the date that I am not interested in dating and I'm just looking for friends (which is true)? I really don't have time for dating- especially if I'm not attracted to the guy. How do I handle this? I don't want to be rude and cancel- so what would you do?
Author maynicholas Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Some one must have 5cents to add to this... How do I handle this graciously? He is a regular customer where I work, so I can't be rude. Please advise me...?
Jilly Bean Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 May - have you met him in real life, or is this an OLD? I would go - sometimes I have had the best times of my life when I was expecting a horrible experience. Even if youre not attracted physically, he may say or reveal something that makes you warm up.
Lucasarts Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 what she said ^ and if you really dont like him at the end of the date...then tell him, so there'll be no awkwardness between the 2 of you.
Author maynicholas Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 He is a regular customer where I work, so I have met him many times. I just don't want it to be awkward when he comes in when this doesn't work out. I am perfectly happy to be friends with him- I can always use some new friends. I said yes because I have enjoyed our brief conversations- on a friendly level. I really just don't want to date anyone so I can focus on my school work w/o distractions.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I really just don't want to date anyone so I can focus on my school work w/o distractions. Why don't you go try to enjoy yourself and then tell him exactly what you just said there! prob solved
littlekitty Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Go on the date, see what happens and then just be honest. If you aren't interested in seeing him again explain that you like him, but are not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. Honesty is the best policy.
momma3179 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Well, since he is a regular customer, you should stay true to your word. I think he would feel more shafted if you canceled and less likely to be your friend if you did. Not to mention he would feel more rejected and probably not remain a regular customer as well. Just have an open mind, even though you aren't interested in dating anyone currently, you have only seen that side of him; and be honest about wanting to focus on school, work, etc. Anyone worthy of being a friend would understand this if done in a tactful manner...
Krytie TV Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Yeah, just go and use him for his money. Get free meals out of it. How nice...
Meaplus3 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 So I agreed to a date with a guy I'm not attracted to (we had some things in common so I said yes). I know this will be the only date. Do I tell him at the start of the date that I am not interested in dating and I'm just looking for friends (which is true)? I really don't have time for dating- especially if I'm not attracted to the guy. How do I handle this? I don't want to be rude and cancel- so what would you do? Truely...I would be up front and honest with him. If you know you are looking for just a friend at this point, then he should know that. good Luck. AP:)
Racquel Colette Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 He asked you out, just go out, if he tries to kiss you at the end or hold your hand at any point, politely decline. If he calls, simply say you're busy if he asks you out again. You don't owe him any explanation. He asked you out for dinner/movie or whatever, so you're not breaking the bank on this guy, LOL. Plus he has asked you out so he understands that it may be one outing, it may be more. If he doesn't understand that, he's a weirdo. That is just how it's done and it's perfectly polite and acceptable.
Author maynicholas Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Yeah, just go and use him for his money. Get free meals out of it. How nice... Not to worry Krytie- I fully plan on paying for my half of the date.
Jilly Bean Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 May, I see now that he is a customer, which does complicate it slightly. I still say go on the date. If you feel nothing for him afterwards, then go what I use as an easy fallback to get rid of men. Tell him you had an awesome time, hes a super guy, but you and your ex have reconciled and gotten back together. Somehow it makes the rejection seem less personal to a guy than just telling him you're not into him.
Author maynicholas Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 I went. It was fine. We had great conversation. But I am still in no way attracted to him. Actually if I was able to see him as a friend it would be cool, but it was obvious he likes me so I can't hang out with him. I have an extremely busy schedule and he knows it. I said I had a nice time and he said we should do it again. I said ok, but that I have no idea when I will have any time in the near future. And JB- I did drop mention of the 11 year ex- so if he gets too persistent I have already laid that ground work.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Well at least you know that you have a friend after the ordeal! But he might wow you,and his looks wont even matter, and next thing you know you are in LOVE!!!!!!! oooooooh:love:
Author maynicholas Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Not going to happen. But that was a lovely thought. That eager puppy dog look in a guy's eyes creeps me out every time (on a first date anyway). I really had a hard time even looking at him.
Trimmer Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) I said I had a nice time and he said we should do it again. I said ok, but that I have no idea when I will have any time in the near future. Ouch. You are certain of how you feel, and you had a chance to make that clear and put a boundary on this relationship, and you not only failed to do that, but you left him with hope of advancement, which you later plan to extinguish with knowing inaction and unresponsiveness (so busy!) on your part. Bummer for him. And JB- I did drop mention of the 11 year ex- so if he gets too persistent I have already laid that ground work. So when he opened up an honest opportunity to put things in perspective, "we should do it again..." you failed to reply honestly. And then you laid the groundwork, in case he "gets too persistent" so you will have another deception at the ready for that possibility. Will that make it easier, because at that point you can perceive his persistence as a flaw, thus better justifying further deceptive action on your part? Sorry - as a guy who has been (and may some day once again be...) in his shoes, if you're sure there's no future here, I would just rather hear it straight and honestly instead of wasting everyone's energy with fabrications and squirming around to avoid addressing the truth. Edited January 17, 2008 by Trimmer
Author maynicholas Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 Be honest. Did you go dutch treat? I tried very hard to pay but he wouldn't have it. But it was a very inexpensive dinner though. Trimmer- You are absolutely right. I can't argue your point in any way. I have a hard time saying no to people. Especially when they are so nice. Is this something I can let him know next time he calls? And how do I say it in a way that will not make him take it personally? Like I said- he is a good guy, but not someone I could ever be interested in in a romantic way.
crosswordfiend Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Tell him you don't want him to get the wrong idea, but the only thing you can offer him is a friendship and nothing more. If you don't establish boundaries now, especially when you are so clear in your mind, the situation will take on a life of it's own and he'll be on LS in a couple of months with his own version of the nice guy rant.
Racquel Colette Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Tell him you don't want him to get the wrong idea, but the only thing you can offer him is a friendship and nothing more. If you don't establish boundaries now, especially when you are so clear in your mind, the situation will take on a life of it's own and he'll be on LS in a couple of months with his own version of the nice guy rant. Honestly I disagree with this. You don't have to give an explanation or even tell a guy you're not interested. You simply don't pick up the phone or return his calls or say "I'm sorry, I can't go." It is simply an acceptable and polite way to decline, and men are getting psycho thinking that they need an explanation after a first date or even two or three if there is no interest.
Author maynicholas Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Alright. So I figured if I just didn't call him he would get that I wasn't interested in anything. He showed up at my work on Saturday when we were extremely busy and asked if he would see me again. Now I would have loved to step out from the counter and say, thanks but I'm not interested in dating you (in a nice way)- but we were busy, and all my co workers were around and people were waiting in line behind him. I said I have no idea how that would be possible becasue I am busy and don't ever have a day off and that school is keeping me very busy. I though that would do it. Well today he showed up at my job with flowers and a card. Now I'm creeped out. We went on one date and now he keeps showing up. Do I call him and tell him I'm not intersted or just not call and if he calls me let him know then? If he comes in again and I have the opportunity I will tell him face to face- but this is my work place! I do not like this one bit. While it is entertaining fodder for my co orkers- I don't think it is all that funny. I have absolutely learned my lesson here- no dates with customers! How do I handle this now. I do not feel like I owe him anything- it was one date fer-christs-sake! That is it-I have never even spoken to him on the phone except when he called me to set up that stupid date. Make him go away! What would you do? I hate confrontation. But he is creeping me out now.
Jilly Bean Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 May - you are ROCKING with the man action! You go girl! What happened to telling him you got back together with your ex? Maybe its time to pull that out...
Author maynicholas Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks Jilly. I would feel much more rockin' if the guys were ones I were into!
Author maynicholas Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 What happened to telling him you got back together with your ex? I thought that ignoring him and just not calling him would make the point perfectly clear.
Recommended Posts