lovesparis Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 why why why can i not get it through my thick skull that he's just not that into me? the phone call i made to him (unrelated to our R) made it obvious he doesn't want to hear from me. so why do i still believe in the R? why do i think about going to his apt and pouring out my heart and soul? why do i think that would change his mind? why can i not accept that he doesn't want to be with me? why do i think that if i put myself out there it will make him see that i really do love him, that i acknowledge my mistakes, that he'll take me back? why do i have to hurt so much? why do i sit and type 4 page letters to him? why can't i just move on?
virtucon Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 That's what love does. I can't really offer much advice, because I'm still reeling. All I can do is relate. I feel like doing the same things you want to do. And it does hurt like nothing else. You want to move on, because you feel like crap right now, but you don't want to lose the feeling of love. It's very hard to give up such a wonderful feeling.
Confused9 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I relate to you in so many ways. My X is so mean and wants nothing to do with me but I still sit here and want him back. I think that's what happens when you lose someone so quick with little to no explanation. Just hang in there.
anotherother24 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 boy, do I know that feeling...and I wish I had the answer..or the solution. It just seems like if only I could do this or that, he would see how much I love him and just have to realize this was all a mistake...I just wish I could tell him so many things. Then, I called him to tell him a small amount of what I wanted to say...mostly that I was sorry...and he didn't react exactly the way I had hoped for. Of course, my situation sucks...but it hurts. I don't know how you shake the feeling though.... this love stuff is miserable.
Author lovesparis Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 i guess i'm just really frustrated b/c i'm 25 and have never cried over a breakup before. i have never felt the way i feel about him for anyone before. it's like i feel that all the other times i thought i was in love, i really wasn't. with him, i gave of myself for the first time instead of trying to control him. i remember being in HS and seeing these girls flip out (like i am now) about their R ending, andi remember thinking how silly they were to think that a HS R could last. (i know they do, sometimes) it was then that i promised myself i'd never be that person b/c why do they want to be with someone who obviously doesn't wnat to be with them? well it was probably because they believed in the R, and they gave of themselves. i feel like i'm 10 years behind everyone else relationship-developmentally i have been experiencing so much cognitive dissonance in so many aspects of my life. it's so frustrating.
PLAYBRAT Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hey LP..... Sometimes we want something so badly BECAUSE we can't have it. You know the old saying...".Be careful of what you wish for. You just might get it." That saying is so true...it really is. Things don't always happen the way we'd like them to...but sometimes they happen because they are SUPPOSED to. I believe some things really happen for a reason. If you trust in that without trying to change the outcome you may find some comfort in that. In a year or two , when you ARE over them or in another relationship, you will look back and be grateful that things happened the way they did. You just have to have faith that things are working out for the best...
Confused9 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 LP, i am 26 and was with my x for 7 years so I get what you mean about feeling behind in the game in terms of relationships. I never broke up with anyone - I mean a silly high school boyfriend but nothing prepared me for this. I think that's why it's extra hard. I have had no experience with heartbreak. It's so scary/sad. We'll get through!!! Let's hope : )
so_sad Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I'm 35 and I feel like I'm totally behind the game in terms of breakups. I had two serious relationships/breakups before I got engaged - one was bad, one was pretty easy to get over. But neither of those experiences prepared me for the devastation I felt when my fiancé walked away. I had invested so much in our relationship and of course I thought that we were totally committed to each other. So there is nothing in my life that can compare to the loss I'm dealing with now. I don't think it matters how old you are. When you lose a relationship that you thought was it, it's totally devastating.
cj1988 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Hey LP..... Sometimes we want something so badly BECAUSE we can't have it. You know the old saying...".Be careful of what you wish for. You just might get it." That saying is so true...it really is. Things don't always happen the way we'd like them to...but sometimes they happen because they are SUPPOSED to. I believe some things really happen for a reason. If you trust in that without trying to change the outcome you may find some comfort in that. In a year or two , when you ARE over them or in another relationship, you will look back and be grateful that things happened the way they did. You just have to have faith that things are working out for the best... That is all it is.....if they do not want you then you want them....if they did you would not feel so desperate and confused. Just keep in mind you cannot make anyone want or love you and the more you push or TRY to tell them anything the farther they run from you !
Confused9 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I'm 35 and I feel like I'm totally behind the game in terms of breakups. I had two serious relationships/breakups before I got engaged - one was bad, one was pretty easy to get over. But neither of those experiences prepared me for the devastation I felt when my fiancé walked away. I had invested so much in our relationship and of course I thought that we were totally committed to each other. So there is nothing in my life that can compare to the loss I'm dealing with now. I don't think it matters how old you are. When you lose a relationship that you thought was it, it's totally devastating. I wasn't saying that it depends on age...she just stated she was 25 and felt frustrated and I was just agreeing with her. I know it doesn't matter how old you are, how many break ups you've had or anything but I was just admitting I sympathize with her. Breakups suck no matter what. I think losing someone so quickly and not know why or how, whatever...that's a different story and something the 3 of us have in common. We think everything is fine then WHAM...bye bye old life.
so_sad Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I wasn't saying that it depends on age...she just stated she was 25 and felt frustrated and I was just agreeing with her. I know it doesn't matter how old you are, how many break ups you've had or anything but I was just admitting I sympathize with her. Oh, I know. I was just trying to make you both feel better by saying, hey, I feel behind the game too and I'm way older than both of you!
Confused9 Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 We'll get there. Our lives will be better! Mine is looking up today. I just found out I got the waitressing job I applied for so now I don't need to worry about the money my x stopped paying me. I am going to have a second job and make it work. It's not the best scenerio but hey...this whole thing isn't and I don't think I can go to court. I just don't.
so_sad Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 We'll get there. Our lives will be better! Mine is looking up today. I just found out I got the waitressing job I applied for so now I don't need to worry about the money my x stopped paying me. I am going to have a second job and make it work. It's not the best scenerio but hey...this whole thing isn't and I don't think I can go to court. I just don't. Congratulations on getting the job! It really sucks that your ex isn't paying you, but only you know what's the best way to deal with it. I understand not wanting to go to court - I am trying to resolve my own fiinancial issues with my ex with as little drama as possible too. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, soon you'll be working so much you won't have time to think about your ex...which might be a good thing.
Lee725 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 i guess i'm just really frustrated b/c i'm 25 and have never cried over a breakup before. i have never felt the way i feel about him for anyone before. it's like i feel that all the other times i thought i was in love, i really wasn't. with him, i gave of myself for the first time instead of trying to control him. And there it lies, you gave yourself up to him, (which is normal) for the first time in your life. It is like handing over the lead or the reigns to someone else. All of a sudden they have much more control than we ever imagined giving them. We have all done it, don't think that you have done anything wrong. This is affecting you the way it is because you have loved like this for the first time. We make ourselves vunerable to our partner which in some ways is a very healthy part of a normal R but, when they leave somehow we are left with a hole inside that we need to fill be it through our own development or in the case of rebounder's some unfortunate soul who crosses their path. I hope you start to feel better soon & please don't be afraid to love in the future. They don't all end like this.
Author lovesparis Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 (edited) thanks LS's, for all your replies. i really wish we had a beating a dead horse icon. that would be great for me. for the last 5 months all i've done is cycle this over and over in my head. i have read "it's called a break up b/c it's broken", i've tired talking to him, i've tried begging him, i've tried ignoring him, i've tried being strong, moving on and doing NC, i've tried praying for both getting him back, and acceptace that we're not going to get back together, and the ability to move on. and dammit nothing's worked. everytime i think i'm doing ok or getting better, something happens that makes me think of him, and i feel like i'm never going to be truly happy with anyone else. completely contradictory to every R failure i've had in the past. when other R have ended, either that i've broken up with them or vice versa, i accept that it was the end of that period in time, and there is something i needed to have gained from them, and there is something better for me in the future. now suddenly, i have all these emotions and crap i've never felt before. i don't even know how to deal with these things. le sigh Edited January 18, 2008 by lovesparis spelling
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Congratulations on getting the job! It really sucks that your ex isn't paying you, but only you know what's the best way to deal with it. I understand not wanting to go to court - I am trying to resolve my own fiinancial issues with my ex with as little drama as possible too. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, soon you'll be working so much you won't have time to think about your ex...which might be a good thing. sosad, I am actually sort of excited to start this new job. I will have less time to think about him and how lonely I am and I won't have to deal with him anymore. Nothing will be binding us together. He has been so ugly to me that I can't imagine if I sent him a letter from a lawyer demanding repayment he would take it very well and I can't afford anymore anger, negativity or pain from him. I may regret this one day...but all of the debt is in my name and to be honest...I may not have that big of a case. Plus, the amount I pay in lawyers fees alone will probably not be worth it. So I continue on...on my own like I have been and work through this myself. I am hoping to maybe meet new people and socialize more. I mean...since I will be waitressing that's a pretty social job. I am nervous as I have a full time job and I know I will be tired...but it will be okay. As for him...I hope he realizes he is doing the wrong thing and reinstate his payments. I doubt that will happen because he doesn't feel he is in the wrong in any of this or so it seems but, we'll see. Too bad I miss the bastard so much!
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 LP, you'll get through this. i understand how hard it is but there HAS to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Think of all the other LS's who post and say I've been there but it does get better. Those people are my inspiration to move forward. It is through them I find hope. People move on from break-ups and get over lost love. We will do this!!! Plus, our lives can be better. We are in control of that now, solely. What are we waiting for?!?!
BrianG Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I do not have much to add except that I feel the same way. Still trying to accept the break-up even though I dont want to. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so now that area of my life is uncertain now and it scares me now that I have to try and move on with my life without her. She is everything I would want in a significant other and Im scared I may never find that again. I have dated enough people to know when someone special comes into your life and it took a long time for that to happen for me. Just know that your not alone sorry I could not provide you with any advice.
Recommended Posts