spookie Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 After about a month of emailing back and forth, tonight we finally had what could be termed a "date". I know you're not supposed to spend date 1 at the guy's house, but, given that we're both socially retarded, and I was intending to stay sober, I thought it would be less awkward that way. So at around 10 PM, armed with my Scrabble board, I drove over to his apartment. We played Scrabble, talking throughout the game. We didn't exactly connect, because I was so uncomfortably aware of how attractive and intelligent he is that my mind was blank half the time, but it wasn't very awkward, either, and I think we both had a good time. I had no concept of 50% of the references he made (and he pulled them out of all kinds of contexts) but on the other hand, I beat him at Scrabble and went on to kick his ass at Set. He's so cute. :love::love: There was no touching whatsoever on our date. It ended without so much as a handshake, but he told me he had a good time and would like to see me again. I hope we fall in love. I know it's too soon to have that tingly feeling about him, and it could still very well turn out that he didn't even like me, but I am so excited.
allina Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I'm glad you had a nice date You more than deserve an awesome, non-creepy guy. I also wanted to recommend something to you (off topic sorry) I think you should look in to writing. If you wrote a memoir I think it would be a success. There are also tons of writing jobs out there for online magazines, magazines, articles and so on, I think you should look in to it. And I really am glad that you had a nice date.
Krytie TV Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I am going to sound like the voice of doom. Spookie, I am skeptical that this person can provide you the emotional and verbal intimacy that you seem to be craving. I really sit here and question why you are pursuing this situation based on information you've discussed in the past. To me, it sounds like 95% hope and 5% reality. Is there really just nothing else around for you?
Author spookie Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I'm glad you had a nice date You more than deserve an awesome, non-creepy guy. I also wanted to recommend something to you (off topic sorry) I think you should look in to writing. If you wrote a memoir I think it would be a success. There are also tons of writing jobs out there for online magazines, magazines, articles and so on, I think you should look in to it. And I really am glad that you had a nice date. Hey allina! Thanks! I'm definitely going to look into acquiring some writing jobs in the near future. I am going to sound like the voice of doom. Spookie, I am skeptical that this person can provide you the emotional and verbal intimacy that you seem to be craving. I really sit here and question why you are pursuing this situation based on information you've discussed in the past. To me, it sounds like 95% hope and 5% reality. Is there really just nothing else around for you? You might be right. It's true that he might not be able to provide me with any kind of intimacy. But, at this point in my life, if he succeeds in motivating me to become a better person, that would be enough. Look at it this way: in the past year, almost my dates/ get-together with friends involved alcohol or at least pot, usually in semi-dangerous settings. Last night, we drank coffee and played Scrabble. Why can't I do that with other people? Because most people aren't interesting enough to me, or what they choose to talk about is boring. That's not the case with him. He's like a walking PBS documentary. Besides, I know that what this guy is looking for is not the charming, uninhibited, slightly psycho spookie that comes out after she's polished off a 6-pack. The "me" that everyone else seems to like would just scare him. (And frankly she scares me too.) It isn't that I want to turn my back on my life and my friends and who I've been for so long; but there are other facets of my personality that this guy appeals to, that I haven't explored in a long time, and am finally ready to. So even if he isn't the love of my life, that's ok. (And I'll try to keep my hopes down.) All I'm looking for for the moment is some stability and a friend to understand those "other" parts of me. In other news, I just checked my inbox and he's sent a really nice message: I very much enjoyed last night. I got the impression that you did, too. :+) Initially I had some weird cognitive dissonance going on due to "knowing you from talking, but not knowing you in person, and acting like i do know you in person, because the difference is mostly a technicality". Does that make any sense? Maybe next time (if you're up for it) we could watch a movie instead?
sb129 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hey, if nothing else, you may have gained a new friend, which is never a bad thing. I know what Allina is getting at- she may be right, its definitely the memoir du jour to be writing at the moment.
Author spookie Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I know what Allina is getting at- she may be right, its definitely the memoir du jour to be writing at the moment. You think? I'll get cracking, then.
allina Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You think? I'll get cracking, then. Also all sorts of literary magazines, anthologies and countless publications are always looking for talented writes for assignments. You can even look on craigslist. Sorry for taking this thread off topic spookie. I hope things go well with the cute boy as well.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Glad you had a great date! Cheers to many more to come!
Lucky555 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Congrats on your date He sounds like a fascinating guy. I would love to have a relationship like that. Just someone to hangout with and enjoy their company. There are not many people that are like this as it sounds. Intellectual conversation, i have not had this in a long time because most guys that i have met don't have that something. I hope every thing works out for you.
johan Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 In other news, I just checked my inbox and he's sent a really nice message: I very much enjoyed last night. I got the impression that you did, too. :+) What do you think the plus sign meant? Do you think that meant that you had something on your nose all night? I hope the guy ends up being the love of your life. I derive hope from seeing other people succeeding. So do it for me.
Prodigal Princess Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Wow, you went on a date and stayed sober?? Thats more than I have ever achieved, congratulations! Keep us updated as things progress. Also, I agree with Allina and sb129, you are an extremely talented writer and it sounds like an ideal career path for you. As far as a memoir goes, if you're feeling lazy why not just cut and paste all of your Loveshack threads and divide them up by chapters. It would be a bestseller!
Storyrider Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Like Johan, I would enjoy a nice sidestream, contact high from this quirky meeting of the minds. If it turns into love, how cool.
Leoni Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) spook, were you aware about some of the differences between AS v. High Functioning autism? There's a reference to verbal IQ being higher than performance IQ, where the reverse holds true with High Functioning autism. http://www.aspergers.com/aspdiff.htm Saw this too. It discusses that AS individuals may have other disorders too. http://www.aspergers.com/aspcomor.htm Edited January 16, 2008 by Leoni
Author spookie Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Thank you, Wellwishers . Also, I agree with Allina and sb129, you are an extremely talented writer and it sounds like an ideal career path for you. As far as a memoir goes, if you're feeling lazy why not just cut and paste all of your Loveshack threads and divide them up by chapters. It would be a bestseller! If I do write a book, I will dedicate it to LS. spook, were you aware about some of the differences between AS v. High Functioning autism? There's a reference to verbal IQ being higher than performance IQ, where the reverse holds true with High Functioning autism. http://www.aspergers.com/aspdiff.htm Saw this too. It discusses that AS individuals may have other disorders too. http://www.aspergers.com/aspcomor.htm What the heck is performance IQ? Do you think he sounds more like someone with high-functioning autism? Either way I don't care. I'm not going to stop getting to know someone just cause the alleged "disorder" he has might be called something else. I'm not saying I don't think Asperger's is real, but IMO it's a difference, not a disability; and from everything I've learned about him, it doesn't sound like it affects his ability to be a functional person except possibly where social things are concerned. He has a job he loves, a BS and part of a PhD, good hygiene. So what if he can't read social cues and is OCD? I don't care. If some things about him start to bother later on, I'll tackle them then; but I'm not going to write him off just because the way he processes the world has a name to it. You guys said to keep you updated. Well, we're hanging out again tomorrow: dinner and a movie. Here's a chunk of an email he sent me tonight on the subject (I thought it was amusing): [food] Ooh! I have a piece of data that could be thrown into the mixing pot. If you are talking of "let's go out to eat at a restaurant"--and depending upon what your time frame is--you could use this location to seed your Vast Array of Local Information (it's within short walking distance of the bus stop I use to leave work): : : : And if you were thinking of /making/ something instead of going out for food consumption...that's probably something better saved for a weekend (too many variables and planning for short-term). [sdmn] Whatever works best for you. If we decide on here, was there anything that I should think about acquiring (milk/coffee creamer, for example) that would be useful? What genre are you in the mood for? FYI: I have an old-style popcorn maker. I'm almost sure that he's a nice guy, y'all. I really think I've found a good one.
Leoni Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Choosing a partner is all about being realistic. Better to know what to expect than to be blindsided. Rose-coloured glasses aren't the smartest way to proceed. You skipped the four other possible disorders, that tend to go hand in hand with AS. It's not just ADHD and OCD. As for performance IQ, I believe it means applying theory to practice.
Krytie TV Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 FYI: Verbal IQ relates to a persons ability to communicate with and understand language and social cues. Performance IQ relates to a persons mechanical/spatial/mathematical abilities... things devoid of social context and language. Spookie, his need or planning and structure seems pretty profound. I hope you don't consider yourself a spontaneous person, as that may be lost in this context.
Leoni Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Thanks for clarifying that Krytie. I was totally off. *smacks self in the forehead for not looking into it*
Author spookie Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Choosing a partner is all about being realistic. Better to know what to expect than to be blindsided. Rose-coloured glasses aren't the smartest way to proceed. You skipped the four other possible disorders, that tend to go hand in hand with AS. It's not just ADHD and OCD. As for performance IQ, I believe it means applying theory to practice. While it's wise to be realistic, it's equally important to make decisions based on real-world evidence, not something you read online that might apply. I'm not saying I think he does or doesn't have the other "disorders", But I'm not going to worry about that now. If symptoms manifest later on, I'll decide if I can deal then. For now, I'm just going to enjoy getting to know him. I dated someone with a hardcore case of ADHD, and it was never a problem in our relationship. He was a lot easier to deal with than the perfectly-"normal" ********* that ruined my life 2 years later. I'm just saying. Just cause there's a name for certain kinds of behavior doesn't mean it's going to cause problems.
Leoni Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 While it's wise to be realistic, it's equally important to make decisions based on real-world evidence, not something you read online that might apply. I'm not saying I think he does or doesn't have the other "disorders", But I'm not going to worry about that now. If symptoms manifest later on, I'll decide if I can deal then. For now, I'm just going to enjoy getting to know him. I dated someone with a hardcore case of ADHD, and it was never a problem in our relationship. He was a lot easier to deal with than the perfectly-"normal" ********* that ruined my life 2 years later. I'm just saying. Just cause there's a name for certain kinds of behavior doesn't mean it's going to cause problems. Don't get me wrong spook. I'm not trying to stop you from doing this. Just do it with your eyes wide open and armed to the gills with as much knowledge as you can acquire. Also, you'd better be very patient with this guy and more importantly, not rip his heart out, if things don't pan out the way you want. If you look at your past experiences with real life knowledge, you'll understand that it's a balance between sourcing of information and real life knowledge. Btw, ADHD is treatable, in of itself, through medication. A combination of ADHD and AS, who knows. OCD, Bipolar, and the rest of the spectrum, who knows.
Author spookie Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 FYI: Verbal IQ relates to a persons ability to communicate with and understand language and social cues. Performance IQ relates to a persons mechanical/spatial/mathematical abilities... things devoid of social context and language. Spookie, his need or planning and structure seems pretty profound. I hope you don't consider yourself a spontaneous person, as that may be lost in this context. I can be spontaneous, but, for example, my ex's inability/refusal to plan out our get-togethers ahead of time (and to stick to any plans we'd make) drove me completely insane. Spontaneity doesn't really factor in my equation of what I'm looking for in a romantic interest.
Storyrider Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Maybe those of us who sometimes lack internal common sense (and I def. include myself here) can grab some external common sense from Leoni and Krytie and apply it as needed.
shadowplay Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Woah...he talks exactly like my boyfriend (based on those emails). Kinda scary!
Racquel Colette Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 FYI: Verbal IQ relates to a persons ability to communicate with and understand language and social cues. Performance IQ relates to a persons mechanical/spatial/mathematical abilities... things devoid of social context and language. Spookie, his need or planning and structure seems pretty profound. I hope you don't consider yourself a spontaneous person, as that may be lost in this context. Yeah but he could be high in both IQs. Plus spontanaity is really overrated and is not a dealbreaker, it is something that can be worked out between a couple, even if they are on different ends of the spectrum on this issue.
Author spookie Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 (edited) I just came back from spending the strangest 5 hours of my life. We emailed back and forth ALL DAY because he needed every detail of our movie + dinner date spelled out. At one point, he asked me to list the ingredients of our proposed meal, including everything off the back of the jar of pesto I had purchased and the block of Parmesan cheese that I had. Not cause he has food allergies, but cause he likes to know "what he's getitng himself into." He came over at around 7, and we made dinner and hung out with my roommates. TBH, the more he talked to them (my hot smart female roommates, whom I love to death), the s!httier I felt. He had insight/ advice/ references/ clever jokes to offer on every topic. I know they liked him, which is good. They're my friends and that's important to me. I just wondered if he liked them more than me. I felt like a dumba%$, TBH. Even if I leave "intelligence" out of it, there's no question about the fact that he has a whole lot more info stored in his head. He's got my area of "expertise" (math allegedly) covered better than I do, and also knows everything there is to know about science, computers, news, and pop culture. After I realized my insecurities were flaring up to the point that I was about to start crying, I dragged him outside and handed him a frisbee. My house is on a cul-de-sac in a quiet residential area. He was afraid to play in the street cause we weren't wearing reflectors and "a car might hit us". I told him not to worry. Then I drove us to his place to watch a movie (he has a bigger screen and lots of (pirated) DVDs). The drive made me feel better because it became obvious how eager to please he is. We chatted. It felt natural, easy. Since he has no chairs, we sat watching the movie on his bed. Several times, we paused it just to talk. He was being funny, smart, insightful. (I still felt like a dumba%$ but was trying hard not to let that bother me.) We were laughing, smiling... connecting. If it were any other guy, with the body language I was desperately sending out, and the situation (we were alone, on his bed, in the dark), he would have had me naked in 2 minutes. With this guy... nothing. He didn't so much as brush his hand against mine. The movie ended and he turned to me and said, "Now what?" I said, "It's 1 AM. I should go." He said, "Yah. Drive safe." So I got up, put on my shoes, grabbed my purse. (You could hang an axe in the awkwardness in the room at this point.) Feeling it would be retarded to just wave goodbye, I asked if he wanted a hug. He said, "Sure." It was... quick. Perfunctory. My breasts didn't even make it to his chest before he pulled away. (And I was actually expecting it to be one of those hugs that turns into dry-humping that turns into making-out that turns into sex kinds of things. Though I would have stopped before the sex.) When I got home, there was an IM from him on my computer. It said: "I really liked the street game. I haven't been that 'crazy' in years, and I used to be the one to get my friends out doing a-typical things like that." Yup. LMAO. So we're going out on Friday. I'm just going to jump his bones. Edited January 17, 2008 by spookie
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