Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I actually thought about doing what unders said....ive done that before. But usually those things just come back and bite u in the ass somehow. Not to mention he is way too smart for that. ANyway, i agree that i should (have) talked to him in person about it. But honestly i was too agitated to let it go last nite and i wanted to know what he had to say for himself. I think im going to be bringing it up again somehow. THis time asking for the profile to go down, even though i know he's had it for quite some time. How should i bring it up w/o sounding like i dont trust him at all? I do trust him (completely before this) at somel evel otherwise i would have broke it off last nite...but its just nagging.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Also - I have never been on lavalife but doesn't it have something like yahoo or match where it TELLS you when the person was last active in their account? Those sites even let you sort matches by how active they have been. Anyway just a thought. I went and looked just for the hell of it, and there are dates on there showing when the person was last active. If the "BF" has been active since they've been exclusive...well, there's you answer.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Also - I have never been on lavalife but doesn't it have something like yahoo or match where it TELLS you when the person was last active in their account? Those sites even let you sort matches by how active they have been. Anyway just a thought. I would also agree w/ some others here that once you are serious with someone the profiles should be gone, his and yours. Hm i dont think lava lets u see that. It just lets u see who is online at the moment. I didnt use deception for anything. I honestly did just want to "stroll" down memory lane...unfortunately i found the scene had been changed. I dont have a profile anymore. I erased it even before we started dating. I think online dating is creepy, a lot of morons and stuff (was in it for like a week or two and had enough) SOmehow he kept insisting on talking so we did out of the site. so...im just trying to figure out how to bring all that up again, and how to ask him to take it down without sounding controlling....help??
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hm i dont think lava lets u see that. It just lets u see who is online at the moment. You're not looking very carefully... it's right there. I did a guest search of random men, and it lists every single person's "Last Active" date.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I went and looked just for the hell of it, and there are dates on there showing when the person was last active. If the "BF" has been active since they've been exclusive...well, there's you answer. Reaally??? how do you do that???
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Reaally??? how do you do that??? It's on the freaking page - how can you not see it? Do a search for men 18-24 in your zip code, all the dudes are listed there, and by each profile is the "Last Active" date.
tanbark813 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 The last active date may be irrelevant at this point. He probably logged into it when she IM'ed him. so...im just trying to figure out how to bring all that up again, and how to ask him to take it down without sounding controlling....help?? Uhhh.. How about, "Take down your f**king profile, assh0le." ? You can probably reword that but I don't think you should worry too much about sounding controlling. I think it's a pretty reasonable request that your SO not be actively on a dating site. Personally, though, I'd just wait to see if he takes it down on his own. If he's serious about you, and isn't a moron, he will.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 You're not looking very carefully... it's right there. I did a guest search of random men, and it lists every single person's "Last Active" date. I cant find it. Are u sure is Lavalife?? all i can see from his profile is the information and when the info was changed (in 2003).
underpants Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Star might be talking about an index page. Tan's right though. It is a moot point. If he has a brain cell, he will say that he checked it himself to see what you were talking about.
marlena Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Personally, though, I'd just wait to see if he takes it down on his own. If he's serious about you, and isn't a moron, he will. Tan, Shouldn't he have done that a long time ago since they've been dating exclusively supposedly for some time now? You know, even if he does take it down, he can always put up another one on another site or even the same site. There's no end to this kind of stuff!
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 AHHHH FOUND IT!!!! u cant see when the person was last active BUT u can search for the people that have been active in the past 2 months with specifications...if i search for what he has in his profile nothing comes up....so...i guess he hasnt been on for the past 2 months....hm....then the whole thing with the picture is a crazy coincidence??? wow....
Kamille Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 AHHHH FOUND IT!!!! u cant see when the person was last active BUT u can search for the people that have been active in the past 2 months with specifications...if i search for what he has in his profile nothing comes up....so...i guess he hasnt been on for the past 2 months....hm....then the whole thing with the picture is a crazy coincidence??? wow.... sigh of relief??!!
MakeLemonade Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 If you can find where the "last active" date/time is - let it go for now and go back in a week or two and see if it keeps showing him active regularly - there will be your answer. You can then either relax or decide whether the relationship is worth working through a dating site/trust issue with him. And yes, if he is smart, cares about you and isn't hiding anything, he will delete the profile without you asking - now wouldn't that be a nice surprise - to go back in a week or two and the profile is gone of his own volition? That would be 10x better than having to ask him to remove it, because if you have to ask him either he will make excuses why he won't or hasn't or he will begrudgingly do it and then possibly? probably? go to another site or put up one w/o a photo. If he wants to do it, he will do it and justify the reasons why he is doing it, I would wait to see what he does before you ask him to take it down. Just another lil 2cents.
underpants Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 When I did as Star suggested. Just put in female, age range and zip code. I got 2 entries beside the index of people who came up on the index page. Last changed: Last online: Specific dates were given.
tanbark813 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Tan, Shouldn't he have done that a long time ago since they've been dating exclusively supposedly for some time now? Absolutely. The whole thing seems shady but on the off chance that it's innocent and he just forgot about it, it would seem to me that once it was brought to his attention that it was still on there that he would take it down.
marlena Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Absolutely. The whole thing seems shady but on the off chance that it's innocent and he just forgot about it, it would seem to me that once it was brought to his attention that it was still on there that he would take it down. OK! Right!
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 AHHHH FOUND IT!!!! u cant see when the person was last active BUT u can search for the people that have been active in the past 2 months with specifications...if i search for what he has in his profile nothing comes up....so...i guess he hasnt been on for the past 2 months....hm....then the whole thing with the picture is a crazy coincidence??? wow.... YES YOU CAN SEE. You can. It's right there. Are you willfully blind?
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Look. This is a random search, okay? Here's the search results - just by putting in an age and random zip code: http://www.lavalife.com/124/guest/main.act There in the list, you can CLEARLY SEE that it tells you when the person was LAST ONLINE, as well as LAST CHANGED. If you know your BF is X years old and lives in Y zip code, he will come up in the search, and you will have both of your dates.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 WEll it is a HUGE sigh of relief...and yes Tan i think id like him to take it down on his own....but he is a total mooron, obviously. Ill still want to see if he would. I was actually hoping he would last nite...but i guess ill give him a few days before bringing it up. This couldnt have happened at a worst time right before my bday LOL gazer...yeah the search is differnet when ur a member, so im gonna do a guest search and see what comes up, although im a lot more calm now. Thank you all for so much support!!
allina Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 LOL gazer...yeah the search is differnet when ur a member, so im gonna do a guest search and see what comes up, although im a lot more calm now. Thank you all for so much support!! You can log out then do the search and I think you should.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 You can log out then do the search and I think you should. I did...he doesnt show up. Ive done all types of search and he isnt showing up. I did it searching for local members active the past 90 days and he didnt show either. So im getting more calm that he actually didnt lie and hasnt been on for a while. Still, i think that whole thing needs to go... Its kinda sad to think though that he at some point in our dating did go back to update his profile and possibly look around. But i guess its good for me to know so i can pull back a bit from the whole thing.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 YES YOU CAN SEE. You can. It's right there. Are you willfully blind? Star, what i meant is that when i type his profile name and his whole profile comes up, it doesnt say when HE was last online. But when u do a generic search u can see the dates next to the pictures. Either way he doesnt come up on those searches so i feel much better...
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 As another suggestion, go back to his profile and double check the parameters you're searching by, if at all possible. Since I know nothing about lavalife, I don't know if you can see zip codes on main profiles or not. If you can, make certain it's the same zip code. Also, can you search by zip code only? If so, and you've verified the zip code based on his profile, you should be able to find him through a one parameter search. Once you've pulled him up via guest search, as the other members mentioned, you should be able to find his last date, that way. Anyone know if lavalife has something similar to myspace, where there's a privacy profile option?
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Star, what i meant is that when i type his profile name and his whole profile comes up, it doesnt say when HE was last online. But when u do a generic search u can see the dates next to the pictures. Either way he doesnt come up on those searches so i feel much better... When you click on the profile, it DOES say when his profile was last CHANGED. It DOES.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 When you click on the profile, it DOES say when his profile was last CHANGED. It DOES. When it CHANGED as in his WRITTEN information. I know that. It says it last changed in 2003. But his picture is another story....and when he last logged in doesnt show. Leoni I searched by his zip code and a range of his age. Two pages come up, but not him. In his profile i can see what city he put as his home city (aka zip) his age, race, etc. Ive searched with all, some and none of these things...he still doesnt come up. I think only the member that have been active in the last two months come up in the searches....but i dont know. I tried expanding the time but the longest "active" time is 90 days
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