tinker Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 About a few months ago (a few days before thanksgiving) my girlfriend of over 2 years decided to end it. We at first went on a break, and it was then when I was trying to prepare myself for what seemed inevitable. We tried to make it work, and shortly afterwards she called me telling me that it just wasn't going to work out. I thought preparing myself would somewhat help, but when her news actually hit home it hit hard. I at first texted, and called, and wrote her e-mails trying to get her back, but obviously to no avail. I had a feeling in the back of my head alot that we weren't going to work out. I guess I just wanted to ride it out for as long as it could go. Shes going to the peace corps in less than a year, and I knew that once she left we were going to break up. I guess I just wanted to make it last even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I find it hard to move on. What makes it so hard is knowing that she doesn't really miss me anymore. I told her during the break that it was killing me not seeing her since I was used to being with her pretty much every day, or at least talking to her on the phone. I feel so weak because even though I knew that it wasnt going to work, and I knew that eventually the day would come I still miss her like crazy. So many things remind me of her that I feel like I can't get away from it even though we don't really talk anymore. She calls every now, and then just to say hi, but the conversations are brief, and pretty much meaningless now that I think about it. We talked about being friends. She was a friend of mine before we dated, and while we were together it wasn't just her being my girlfriend, but she was a best friend. Now all of that is gone. I keep hearing that time helps, and while I do admit that some days are good, but the ones that hurt really hurt. I want to get back into the dating scene but I know that I can't do that untill I am truly over her. There were alot of mistakes that I made in our relationship, and I have thought alot about what I will do differently whenever I meet the next girl. I guess I just hate being lonely. I was very used to it before her, but I got into such a routine of sleeping next to her that even after these months I still wish I could have her sleeping next to me. Thanks for listening everyone. I guess Im just looking for some support, and some kind of advice. Anything would be great.
JustinWolf Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Take a time off for yourself to be single and live your life a bit. I know times can get hard and make you fall on your knees, but we fall only to get back up stronger. If it hurts to speak to her you can even go into No Contact and totally stop speaking to her. Yes, it's hard most of the people here have been through that and made it! So good luck.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Sometimes even when we know something is going to end badly or it is not in our best interest to keep pursuing it - we do. Don't feel to weak nor beat yourself up over that. Moving on does take time especially if you were not ready to let go yourself. I hate being lonely too, everyone does in their own way i guess. Fighting your loneliness demons can help in a multitude of ways, it will help you to stop thinking about her, it will fill the lonely nights and help with the long days. 2 ways i know of to do this are: 1) filling your life with people, friends, family, co-workers, clubs, gym etc 2) finding peace & happiness within yourself. A lot of loneliness comes from within.
Author tinker Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 My friends have been great, my mom as well. Iv always been a bit overweight, and while I loved how my ex accepted me because of that I have recently started to work out. No hurt in trying to look a little better while I try to get back on the scene sometime. I know I will move on eventually, I just wish those days can come sooner rather than later. Hopefully I can just keep busy, and things will get better.
shockandawed Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 It sounds like you are on the right track. Keep doing things for yourself, working out, clubs, friends, etc.. I would also strongly suggest avoiding all contact with her. I know you were friends before and at some point, you can possibly be friends again. My bet is when you say you have good days and bad, alot of the bad come right after you have contact with her. This isn't about her, it's about you and the space you need to heal and move along.
Author tinker Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 After looking at this site for the past couple of days it seems like most people go with the no contact thing. Im considering it. We don't talk very much as it is anymore. I talked to her the other day very briefly just because I guess she wants to occasionally see how I am doing. I have not gone out of my way to contact her since new years, and the only reason I did that was because I was a bit inebriated, and I texted her because I had spent the previous 2 new years with her, and it was hard knowing I wasn't going to see her. As soon as 08 has started I wanted to start off fresh, and I havent called, or texted her at all. Sometimes when I talk to her I feel bad afterwards, sometimes I feel fine. Its usually the worst when I go to bed at night, and when I have all of those thoughts and feelings to myself. These are the things I want to try to rid myself of.
shockandawed Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) After looking at this site for the past couple of days it seems like most people go with the no contact thing. Im considering it. We don't talk very much as it is anymore. I talked to her the other day very briefly just because I guess she wants to occasionally see how I am doing. My guess is it is because she wants to check the line to see if you are still available. Trust me, NC is the single best thing I did in helping get over my ex. It took me a while. I broke up in December 06, and I thought I could maintain a low contact with her. All it did was keep the wounds open. I finally listened to the wiser posters on here about March and that really put the healing in motion. I have not gone out of my way to contact her since new years, and the only reason I did that was because I was a bit inebriated, and I texted her because I had spent the previous 2 new years with her, and it was hard knowing I wasn't going to see her. As soon as 08 has started I wanted to start off fresh, and I havent called, or texted her at all. If you have enacted a strong NC, the urge to drunk dial or text should diminish some. I know all too well that urge...don't ever do it. Someone suggested I rent the movie Swingers last year. Go rent it, there is a scene in it which will put that in perspective. The sad thing is you really empathize with him. Sometimes when I talk to her I feel bad afterwards, sometimes I feel fine. Its usually the worst when I go to bed at night, and when I have all of those thoughts and feelings to myself. These are the things I want to try to rid myself of. Again, I as many, many others on here know that all too well. Unfortunately, that will take some time. Allow yourself to feel those and work through them. I used to try to limit my "depression" time by allowing specific time to have a "rant". In other words, when I would be sitting around and dwelling on her, I told myself I would have a time later that day to "rant" about it. It's sounds crazy but it helped some. I would walk around my house, obviously when no kids were here, and just rant at myself about the situation. Of course, it always ended up being directed at her. It felt good to be able to scream those things as if she was standing there. The best part is only my dog heard them, lol..... You are doing the right things, keep yourself busy. This time is about you, discovering things you enjoy and developing your own sense of self. You said you have realized the mistakes you made in the last one. Think about those and imagine how different you will be when the next one comes along. You are correct, take your time and get yourself strong again before you go out looking for the next one. But when you do, watch out..... Edited January 16, 2008 by shockandawed
momma3179 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I think you are doing pretty well thus far. Working out to better the body you have insecurities about and not contacting her on impulse. As for those nights when you cannot get the thoughts of her out of your head, have you thought of maybe writing a journal? I know it may sound cheesy to some, but there are a lot of emotions you cannot always express verbally and maybe writing them down will help you figure out why you are really having the hard time you are. I started journal writing after my relationship with my ex-boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me. I knew maybe a year or so in advance that he wasn't right for me but pretty much stayed because I loved being with someone. I also totally loved his family like my own. When we broke up, it came to a shock to me how devastated I really was... and writing everything out made me really look at myself; about the wants and needs that weren't being met or the one's that were. I wish you great luck in healing from this heartache... I hope that with a little soul searching, you can be happy by yourself again until the right one comes along...
Author tinker Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Thanks alot guys. I actually wrote a few pages on my computer the day that we broke up, and then added to it about a week ago. That has helped a bit. I'll try to keep adding to it every time things start to get a little overwhelming. Hopefully I can try to discover some things that I will like that I never got to do when I was with her. Even though I miss her, and think about her I know that it will do me no good to call her. I do hope one day that we can become friends again because even though it didn't work out I don't hate her, and I respected her decision. But right now I know that I am not ready for that. I will try my best to not answer her phone calls untill I feel ready. Perhaps I will just let her know to not even call me. That would be a tough one.
Author tinker Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Ok I just wrote her a message explaining to her that I need my space. I told her that right now I just can't talk to her without getting upset afterwards. Hopefully this helps me heal because it was pretty painful to write.
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