mrei Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hi all, this is my first time posting here... My ex and I dated for 5.5 years, despite all the fighting, miscommunication, and trying to break up repeatedly. Finally, in May 2007, I got tired of it all and walked out of his room and his life. There was contact on both sides (more from me) until late October. October would have been our 6-year anniversary and he finally contacted me and told me he missed me. After a few mishaps, we met up. He was mad that I was one minute late and was giving this awful attitude. We talked/argued for a bit. He said he didn't want to argue and that he didn't think the day was salvageable so I just walked out on him again. After talking to a mutual friend, I called him a couple of hours later where he said "I only answered the phone to tell you never to call me again" and then hung up. I went NC from late October until New Years day when I called him and left a message wishing he and his family Happy New Year. When I broke the NC, I was in this mindset that I had learned and finally realized where I went wrong. More specifically, in the last meeting, that I walked out on him again when he was putting more effort (except for getting all pissy when I was late). That I didn't recognize or appreciate his efforts. I wanted to tell him and thank him for loving me and teaching me all those years. He was my first and only, he loved me when I was most difficult, I know now what a loving relationship is and it saddens me that I can't do it with him. I sent him "one final email!" thinking that I would be done, but it's been a week and I still find myself thinking about him. I want to talk to him, I want to know how he's doing. And I know this is wrong, but I keep driving by his house hoping to see him. Even though I don't know what I'd do if I did see him. I had a fantastic weekend with my gal pals and am feeling better than ever. I re-did my room, I'm taking care of me, but he's still in my thoughts. I'm constantly fighting my brain to take care of things that will benefit me instead of a dead end. So my question is: does it ever end? thinking about him, regretting past mistakes, and wishing.
PinkRibbon Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I don't know if it ever stops. It has only been 3 and a half months for me and it is an everyday thing. I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep thinking about him. I do pray that one day it will end. I know I can't live like this forever let alone much longer. I hope you feel better soon!
maria22 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hello First of all I want to say good on you, it sounds like you have tried to stop thinking about this and havent let yourself fall into sadness completely.... I wont tell you about the situations I've been in, but I can tell you that I know what it feels like to think it will never end. When you close your eyes you see him, you think about him, wonder about him. I used to think it would never end. And here is what I have realised, personally. You wont stop thinking about him. But the way you think about him will change, and that change will make it easier to think about him and time will make it easier to cope. Thats all you can do sweetheart. From my experience anyway there are also tricks you can do to stop thinking about certain things... I hope that helps and doesn't offend..
Author mrei Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 pinkribbon, it frustrates me to no end that I am having fun living my life yet my mind wanders back to him. time heals some... :/
Author mrei Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Maria: You got the cliffnotes version! I don't think I've fallen completely, but I've certainly had my moments. You wont stop thinking about him. I didn't think so. i just hope that I don't always feel compelled to call him, check his email, or drive by. I want to stop doing it cuz I know it's wrong, but I know a part of me wants to so that I could increase the chance of seeing him.. as silly as that sounds. But the way you think about him will change, and that change will make it easier to think about him and time will make it easier to cope. Thats all you can do sweetheart. That sounds more hopeful. I'd like to be friends one day, if anything because he was such a big part of my life and I'm grateful that he was there for me. It's interesting tho, how my opinion towards him and the relationship changes. One day I'm grateful, the other day I'm mad. That comes with the changes then, eh?
maria22 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 One day I asked my psychiatrist how to stop thinking of him every minute of the day. And if I enjoyed myself I'd feel guilty. He told me this... Whenever you see him in your thoughts, and it makes you sad.. imagine his picture in a book, and look at it.. then close the book and put it into an imaginary book case and lock it, take the key outside and throw it as far into the lake as you can. That sounds silly but by thinking of all those things it trains your mind to distract itself. Time heals all wounds! Smile, smile smile Maria
Cupcake Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Girl, it never ends. Seriously, it will fizzle out eventually. But when you love someone as much as you love this guy, I don't care how bad it was that caused you to part, you will always think of him sometimes. I broke up with my first love 8 years ago. I've had my heart broken "in a major way" twice over the past 8 years. Yet, I still have thoughts of my first love. Lately, my thoughts are consumed with him. I haven't seen or spoken to him literally in 8 years. But I wonder about him. I dream about meeting him again just to say hello and see how he's doing. However, I believe that when you love have a new love in your life, you won't think about your EX as much. When you do think of him, your thougts will be different. You won't have the urge to contact him. But that only happens when you have someone else to love. When you're lonely, thoughts of the EX are bound to take over. But don't rush into a new relationship! I just want you to know that your feeling is normal. We all go through this. And it never really ends.
Author mrei Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Oh no, I'm not rushing into a relationship. I've gotta take care of myself first before I even get into another. Not to mention all the issues I'll have when I get into a relationship! lol I was pretty set on staying with only one guy. Anyways, it's good to know that this is relatively normal. I know that 'you never forget your first' and all that, but I really hate being consumed like this. And lately, I'm missing having a boyfriend.
Cupcake Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 )))))))))))))))Hug Hug Hug ((((((((((((((((((((( That was my attempt to send you a huge cyber hug Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Be sad. Be angry. Be lonely. Because those things will NOT last forever. You have to feel and accept those feelings in order to get over them. Soon, you will be tired of feeling sad, angry and lonely. That's when the healing begins. But this is a process. And the process won't be complete until you both know the relationship is O.V.E.R. I wish I could tell you all the things you're about to experience because I've been there. Just keep posting your progress when you feel like it. And read some of the other post about Ex's, second chances, and No Contact with Ex's. That will give you a general idea.
jdeedee Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 mrei: My thoughts go out to you. I am in pretty much the same exact place as you, just swap genders Anyway it's rough, I get guilty when I'm having fun and I get lonely when I'm not. I think of her constantly but I'm working on it. You just have to keep working on it and slowly it gets better. Hasn't gotten much better for me yet but I have my days, ups and downs. Exercise, treat yourself right and take your time. Don't fall into the trap of a new relationship until you're ready. I promise you one thing, a new relationship will clear your mind of your ex but it will also set you up for a viscous cycle that you don't want to be in. So stay with no contact, believe your ex isn't replying to your email because he is trying to heal too. Trust your instincts and I'll be sending love your way.
NotMyselfNEmore Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 When you love someone, truly love someone, you never stop loving them. Instead, you learn to live without them. The same goes to thinking about them. You really won't stop thinking about them, in fact you will have days when that's all you do! But you will commence to think about him differently as time goes by. It's so subtle that you will not notice how it changed but one day, you will realize that you still think about him MINUS the ache, the longing and the sadness you used to feel. It's been 1 year, 7 months, 16 days AND 9 hours since we broke up. We've had contact since then and we even had a moment when we thought we were going to give it another try but nothing worked. I haven't stopped thinking about him. But I can assure you that I think about him differently now. It doesn't feel as if my lungs hurt every time I breathe anymore. I don't wish you luck, for it is not a matter of luck. Instead, I wish you strength. Chin up!
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 When you love someone, truly love someone, you never stop loving them. Sure you can stop loving someone. Love isn't unconditional. By keeping the image of him fresh in your mind and idealizing your past relationship, you stop yourself from moving on.
NotMyselfNEmore Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 It's the general message what I was going for.
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