Maxi Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Hey guys, Im a 22 yo male and have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. We have the most perfect relationship.. we care and love eachother so much that when we are apart it feels like a part of me has been torn away! We have also been living with eachother for a little bit more than a month now. My problem is that for about two weeks now I have had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach! Its really started to get to me and has made me second guess our relationship and has put me in a bad mood for a large part of my day everyday! The thing that has been most hurtfull has been that it has started to affect our relationship. I've been getting annoyed by little things that I would never of thought twice about two weeks ago.. and have started to push her away by making it obvious that Im annoyed and when she asks if Im ok I just walk off.. making her feel that its her fault! I hate that I do this to someone I love and care for so much. I dont think that it has changed her feelings for me too much.. but I know that if this feeling doesnt go away it will ruin our relationship! I was just wondering if anyone has ever experienced this before and if anyone could offer any advice? Cheers
Lucky555 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Are you afraid? Why do you think you are experiencing this pit in your stomach. I think you know the relationship is good and its just "too perfect" for you so your finding things that annoy you. I suggest you have time with your friends at least every two weeks. You don't want to lose yourself while with her. Keep a life while remaining in a relationship. She should also spend time with her friends too. Sounds like you two are very well matched but you need a life outside of your relationship also.
Author Maxi Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Thanks Lucky555... Everything you posted is really good advice. We do have a really good relationship and we are perfectly matched.. just thinking about her brings a huge smile to my face! But.. I do feel like Ive lost myself a bit in this relationship and we really need to start hanging out with our friends separately! I guess also Im a little bit afraid. I feel that she has this image of me as this perfect guy who has been her saviour through some pretty hard times she has been going through - and Im a bit worried that this view of me is currently a bit distorted and maybe one day she will wake up and realise that Im not that perfect. Do you think there is a way for me to deal with this? Also, do you thimk I should talk to her about spending some time apart with our friends and even some alone time?
Lucky555 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I know where you are coming from. The relationship is so good that its hard to believe sometimes and your afraid of losing her. Its normal if you feel panicked and annoyed. Don't tell her your annoyed with her but say sometimes you get scared and ask her if she has ever felt like this. I believe these emotions are part of being in love with someone. By talking to her its showing your take on the relationship. Yes definitely tell her that you love her very much but would like some time to hang out with your friends once and a while, about every two weeks. If you two are serious and living with one another. Between work and other life obstacles every two weeks would be fair. Also spend one night a week doing something fun. Find something that you two can do, such as going out to see a band play or ice skating. When you start living everyday life there begins to be a routine and this can be annoying too because you want to do something or you need something to distract you and her. Invite friends to your place too so you both can hang out with them. This way no one feels insecure about who is hanging out with who. As long as she feels safe and secure in the relationship and you feel this way too there should not be a problem. When you go out tell her that she can always call if something comes up but most likely she will not because she respects and trusts that you are actually with your friends and the same goes for her when she is out with her friends. Its difficult in the beginning i think because you have to put in a lot of work and effort into the relationship. Then living together its difficult to get your own personal space. Everyone needs some personal space so they can think and breathe now and then. As far as for the pit in your stomach it sounds like fear and doubt, I think its great to plan ahead into the future but Think in the NOW for now. If you think about what u need to do and keep occupied you will think less about what she does and more about what u need to do. I think your over thinking. As far as i have read your relationship is a lot better than most and consider yourself fortunate.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Maxi... don't discount the fact that the two of you are now living together. In fact, you moved in together about two weeks before the crappy feelings started. The first two weeks after the move were no doubt really busy, unpacking and setting stuff up. Now things have settled down, and reality's hitting home -- that reality being that you two are now sharing each other's space, and most of each other's time when you're not working, in school, etc. No matter how much you love each other, moving in together is an adjustment. And adjustments are stressful because human beings are hardwired to like what's familiar and consistent. The little things that were of no consequence before are starting to bug you a bit because you're now exposed to them all the time, every day, in your living space. Give it time for the adjustment to happen, and try not to get spooked by the change. If you guys are right for each other, the little things won't be a problem in the long run.
carrotgirl Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 OR... you can do something incredibly brave. Print this whole thread. Show it to your girl. Tell her you love her. Tell her you don't know why the hell you're acting this way. Tell her it's not her. Tell her you don't want to f*sk it up. Then ask if you can just cuddle for a while. See if that pit starts going away. Facing the fear is so much easier than living with it. Carrot
Author Maxi Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Resevior... I think you hit the nail on the head.. moving in has been a huge thing for me.. I used to be a bit afraid of comittment. What makes this different is that Ive never felt this way about anyone.. ever! Its been a huge adjustment because shes moved into my place.. It only has one bedroom and a small living space so Its been a huge adjustment for me! I love her to bits so it hasnt really bothered me.. untill the feeling in my stomach made me think about things! I think I need to give it time to get used to the adjustment and maybe start thinking about how big it has been for her too! Carrot... Thanks! I also think that what I need to do when I get home from work tonight is hold her like my life depended on it! - I kinda feel like it does to tell you the truth!
Recommended Posts