smileysmile Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Separated 5 mths. She isn't rushing to D yet but has filed for D last year. She has a hidden agenda but not hidden enough if you read my situation. My fault we are D. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE! I have 'issues'. And I have emotionally damaged her...stay humble so that I can get over my hurt, deep rooted by YOU! She is still VERY VERY angry with me
Delarocha Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 My divorce was initially not my choice at all. Perhaps it started with my ex and I getting married too soon, perhaps it started with her just wanting something else. The truth is I will never completely know the why, but what difference does it really make? About the time her life changed drastically (a death to a loved one in her family) we basically stopped having sex at all. At first I simply decided it was a phase and sooner or later she would come around. After months, however, it became something that grew into a monster. Anytime I would try, I would get turned down... and sometimes she would seem so not into me that I would have troubles all men fear. The thing is, we just grew apart. I look back, however, and cannot believe what a complete doormat I turned into. I put up with quite a bit of verbal abuse and yet didn't want to let go. I loved this person very much and was willing to change (or at least try to change) anything. I began reading like crazy and even setup some counseling. Of course, after she didn't show until thirty minutes late and sat there explaining how she had basically already made up her mind my heart sank. The harder I tried to find a way to work things out, the further away I pushed her. On the plus side. I will never be a doormat again. Sometimes people are just not meant to be with one another. There is no tangible reason...
jdp1955 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Things weren't very good at home....3 separations.....finally caught her at another man's house while I was working! Imagine that. For me, that was enough in a very long tale.
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 We simply found we were best friends and loved one another- but were not "in love" anymore. Then he went and knocked up a waitress. House went on the market- and I pelted him with various house hold items and locked him in the basement (it's in another thread somewhere). We're friends now.
Touche Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Why did I get divorced? Well for one thing we should have never gotten married in the first place. We had a rocky, very rocky, history for 6 years before we married. The marriage lasted almost three years. . I changed. I got tired of being with a domineering, controlling, verbally abusive (and occasionally physically abusive) man. And in hindsight there's no doubt whatsoever in my mind that he was bipolar. I can't live with a moody person. I just can't. We fought a lot. And he was extremely jealous, possessive and irrational. At the time we got married I thought we had sorted all of that out. He was on his best behavior for quite a while before that. But all his old ways started to resurface by the end of our first year of marriage. After that, it was pretty much down hill from there. Thank god, I left and we never had children together. I agree with AC. I would have never met the person I was truly meant to be with had I stayed. And being married to him made me appreciate even more what I have now.
eagle5 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 We grew apart and wanted very different lives, plus the spark went along time ago, there was love but no 'in love', despite alot of talking and trying that was it! It started affecting our son too, that's when I eventually left her. No ones fault but we just couldn't live together. Out son is alot happier now a year down the line...
Curmudgeon Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I divorced to save my life.. I also divorced to become who I am today as well as to be able to experience the kind of loving relationship that I have with my wife today. If I had stayed married I would have never met my now wife.. who is the love of my life.. and it took my previous marriage Couldn't have said it better myself! Like you, I wouldn't be who I am today if I was still with the ex. Even my oldest granddaughter remarked on that when she was about 10. She told me that I was happier than she'd ever known me to be and it was because I wasn't with her natural grandmother any longer. She also attributed it to being with my wife, the "grandma" she loves. Out of the mouths of babes!
stbx2007 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 My stbx put everyone else and everything else before me. He never did anything with his kids. He thinks the fact that he works is too much. Never mind that I worked full time in the same field as he, had kids, took care of them, managed the household etc, Did I mention that we have a disabled child and he always found work that took him away for days, weeks, months. He is the most boring man on the planet. His folks are too. They are champion quibbles all of them. I have been with him unbelievable years. On weekends he sits in front of the tv and watches whatever all day The house needs this that and the other but he can watch tv all weekend. He has no friends and doesn't want me to have any. He can plan his trips for work but won't plan a vacation for us. My salary has funded his family for years. If they come to visit we fund it. I can't buy anything without hearing his mouth. He grew up poor and thinks we should continue to live like that. We would communicate better if I spoke Chinese. Should I go on?
Gunny376 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 "I married a little gal from a Mississippi Town! She told me it was either me of the Corps? Now I don't go to Mississippi ~ anymore" If out of answers from "A" through "D" ~ with the "D" answer being ~ "All the above!" I would have to choose "D". Got married way too young, thought I knew all there was to know about life, being a Father, a Husband, being Married ~ didn't know spit from shinola? Totally clueless! My model of marriage was based on the only one that I ever had known? The people that raised me ~ my Grandparents ~ the ones that raise the "The Greatest Generation" Being carrer military didn't help one bit! In the Marines most days are from "can to can't" ~ and twelve hour days are the norm, not the exception ~ especially Parris Isand, where I was nine years out of my twenty. I've been studying marriage, mating, dating, relationships for a long time, and I can honestly say that nothing in life really prepares us for marriage. Oh sure we can sit here all day and talk about Marriagebuilders, and Divorcebusting and this and that. But there's really nothing in our educational and religious institutions that prepare us for marriage. Not even at the college level. There are some school districts that are attempting to breach the subject ~ but very few ~ its still most "self-educaton" that is to say? Trial and Error ~ which is BS! As a society? We're not taking marriage seriously enough and we're not letting our citizen's know what they're getting into? They're should be mandatory pre-marriage counseling and education along with a lenghty waiting period. I'm not saying the government should be that involved in our lives ~ but individuals should have to prove they're ready for marriage before getting married. Its should be more than just going down to the court house and paying some clerk $25 or $50 and being issued a marriage liscence? I'm beginning to think marriage should be like a lease? Five years with an option to reknew? I've been divorced for a number of years? Never re-married ~ not looking for marriage? Marriage is going to have to find me ~ because I'm not looking for it. I've happy and content with being single and alone ~ its doesn't bother me to be alone? I'm comfortable in my own skin~ I don't need someone to complete me? Cook for me, wash my clothes, clean my home. Yada, yada......................... Why did I get divorced? FREEDOM! I would like to find someone that compliments me ~ and who is automonious, self sufficient, self supporting, independent. Doesn't need a man ~ not in the traditional sense. (Melevator :love: ) But who I compliment and who compliments me!
OpenBook Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I got divorced due to power and control issues. There was no cheating, or any fear of that - sex (and the resulting fidelity... he was too EXHAUSTED to have anything left over for an A ) was the only part of our M that worked. Everything else was a disaster. We had nothing in common. Our backgrounds were completely different. He hated his mother. (That is a HUGE red flag for any woman, IMO, now that I'm older and wiser...) We had different expectations out of marriage. He did not believe in fair and equitable rules - they applied to me but not to him. He was several years older than me, and he totally used that to his advantage. And we were both way too young to get married. We just didn't know any better. I've not remarried since, and it's been 23 years since the D. He remarried a long time ago, and they seem happy together. Good for them, I say - and better her than me.
marlena Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 and better her than me. Haha! That's exactly what I would think when my ex-husband remarried!
Krytie TV Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 We divorced because: - Sex was nonexistent and she thought of me more as a friend than a lover - She was emotionally abusive - I was undependable and went through a period of failed endeavors - I couldn't handle the negativity anymore - She didn't care anymore
OWoman Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 To try to undo the mistake I made getting married...
mark982 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 i got divorced,cause my exwife didn't understand the word faithful.caught 2x. your gone.
sandflea Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 For those of you on this board who have gone through a divorce, what was the reason for your divorce? For those who have known someone else that divorced, what was their primary reason. Just curious. I appeciate it! Infidelity.
UnicornDreams Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I had post natal depression after birth of our son. I tried to explain to him how I felt, that I needed a little of his company and support instead of him leaving me on my own 24/7 but he said I should "just put up with it like other women do". Better off without him!
Zolie Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Copied from a previous post I made today: I left him because the marriage was virtually sexless for most of 25 years. While that may sound extreme, it is very close to accurate. Obviously we had some sex (we have two children) but it was *never, ever* at a quantity that I preferred. The first 5 years, in my 20s, included sex once a week, if I was lucky. I preferred every night at that point. The next 10 years I was lucky if he was interested once a month. And the last 10 years I could count on ONE hand how often we had sex. No amount of begging for answers or marriage counseling would fix it. His pat answer was "Everything is alright." Yeah... After 20 years of that, I was so hurt, so frustrated and so fed up with him, that my love for him completely died and all of his idiosyncrasies drove me crazy. We all have idiosyncrasies that are hard to live with, but those things are usually tolerable when you love the person. But, once the love is gone, those things become completely and insanely intolerable. So, I either left because I couldn't stand to live with him another minute because the love was gone because he withheld sex, or I left because he withheld sex which caused my love to die which caused me to not be able to stand living with him anymore. Chicken or egg - the outcome is the same.
mistie03 Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 1st marriage - He was carrying on a flaming affair with a chick he met at the bar while I was pregnant. 2nd marriage - He was abusing meth behind my back and became a raving lunatic.
Recommended Posts