4givrnt4gtr Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 So...i have issues with boundaries, and generally assessing whats acceptable and what isnt in a relationship...therefore I need your help with a slight issue i got with my boy. So, he's doing this rather large project after work. Its not work related per say but more like something that if it works well, is gonna put him in a good financial position. THis project entitles a LOT of work, a LOT of hours and effort and I know the only time he gets is after work and on the weekends to do it. Now, im very impressed because once he put his mind into this project, nothing has been able to stop him....but im starting to get a bit antsy because lately he keeps working, even when I come to see him. I see him usually twice a week, sometimes I stay over and stay the next day if its the weekend. Before his project we would just hang out, watch TV, whatever. Now, he sits in the living room with me but he is constantly working on his computer, completely focused. Once in a while he looks up and sends me kisses or comes over to kiss me, but otherwise, he's totally focused. I in the meantime, just watch tv. Now, Im starting to feel that I really dont want to drive 30 minutes to watch him work. I want to spend time with him, even if its just watching tv, but him being THERE with me mentally as well as physically. I was thinking that next time he asks me to come over I would tell him i would IF he is ready to take a break from his work....but then im afraid that would mean not seeing him for a long while. I was also thinking...option two, to tell him how impressed I am with his hard work, and how thankful I am when he takes days off to be with me (just yesterday I dragged him to go skiing with me. He was reluctant at first telling me how much work he needed to do, but when he saw I really really wanted to go, he put away the computer and came with me). THen when Im there with him and he's working kinda ask him to take a little break and come hang out with me. No fight, no confrontation, just an invite to take a break Im not sure which of the two would be better. I think the second one seems more positive, and would let him know that I understand how important that project is for him, but that I also like him spending time with me. What do u guys think?
so gutted Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I must be losing my touch. I got talking to a new guy online. He asked for my picture. I sent it and he gave a very positive response. He then called me twice, while he was out to say he will call me later. Later - he didnt call. He texted first thing. I then called him at lunchtime. We had our brief first chat. It seemed ok, he wanted to meet straightaway. ( he had stated this at the beginning - as he had spent too much time on the phone with others). He wanted to meet today. I QUICKLY made an excuse up saying i was meeting a friend ( a girls gotta prepare and look her best right?). I then also said that i had a work related evening tommorow but rest of the week was ok. He then ABRUPTLY said that he was tied up weds and thurs and was off somewhere at weekend. he then had a work meeting with his team....and got off the phone saying he would call back. He hasnt. What is his game. can he only meet on his terms??? can he not be flexible???? so much for the compliments. im getting mighty sick of this. im sat here waiting again.why do the educated upper class ones also behave as badly as the chavvy ones???
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 No comments??? hm??? none?? at all???
ahah2322 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 hello 4givrnt4gtr, none of the above! let him work (and let him miss you). it's not going to last for years and its just a short project. if you want, make the drive there but you shouldn't really expect his full attention. if you don't want to, find something else to do... in short, don't whine about the dearth of time spent on you. basically, be supportive... and once his project is done, rest assured he will spend time with you to make up for it. and he will love a supportive woman like you, like every driven individual.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I was also thinking...option two, to tell him how impressed I am with his hard work, and how thankful I am when he takes days off to be with me (just yesterday I dragged him to go skiing with me. He was reluctant at first telling me how much work he needed to do, but when he saw I really really wanted to go, he put away the computer and came with me). THen when Im there with him and he's working kinda ask him to take a little break and come hang out with me. No fight, no confrontation, just an invite to take a break What do u guys think? If it's a choice i take option 2, but dont get upset if he says no. If this is going to put him in a much better financial position then it is not something he is doing to annoy you, rather something for the future.
Krytie TV Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 What do u guys think? If you don't want to go, don't go. In fact, those are the kinds of patterns people get caught up in that contributes to "losing" themselves in a relationship. Why would you want to watch him work? I wouldn't. Can't you find something more fun to do, like watch paint dry or something? Go out with other friends. You're losing yourself in this relationship from what I hear.
BlueEyedGirl Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You may have already ruined this relationship. You are setting yourself up to be a complete doormat. I really don't get why would you ever want to sit there and watch him work? It should have only happened once and after that you should have made other plans. This would more than likely make him miss you and show him that you are not going to tolerate being treated like dirt. And now you propose asking him for more time with you? You should never have to ask a guy to spend time with you. Sigh. This + that other thread about his online profile make me think that you are MUCH more into him than he is into you.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 You may have already ruined this relationship. You are setting yourself up to be a complete doormat. I really don't get why would you ever want to sit there and watch him work? It should have only happened once and after that you should have made other plans. This would more than likely make him miss you and show him that you are not going to tolerate being treated like dirt. And now you propose asking him for more time with you? You should never have to ask a guy to spend time with you. Sigh. This + that other thread about his online profile make me think that you are MUCH more into him than he is into you. If i decide to continue with this, im pulling WAY back... WAAAY back
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