Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You were blinded by love Sedge! One day you will look back on this man and wonder 'why'!
Ronni_W Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 my book is due jan 15. Congratu-laations!!! I hope the launch went/is going as planned. Well done
lovesparis Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 i know that my ex, the man of my dreams, has some very dorky personality traits. however... who's favorite color is safety orange? sedg, he is obviously a goof. and those endearing qualities, will only end up being obnoxious qualities. you rock, girl! (and to think, until i read the thread and saw what a loser he was, i was going to start off this response by telling you to contact him again...)
PLAYBRAT Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Sedge, I think you learning this info about your ex should make you know it all worked out for the best. Don't feel bad because you don't feel special. The guy obviously can't deal with relationships that don't fit HIS idea of "perfection". YUCK. Imagine going through life having to jump through hoops for someone. This is TOTALLY his issue and has NOTHING to do with YOU at all. I know it's hard to see that now, but you will eventually, and maybe even laugh that you put so out energy into this. Congrats on the book too. Way to go!!!!!!!
PLAYBRAT Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Just a quick experience I had with somone... I'm 36 now, but in my early 20's I had a thing for this guy. He was kind of well known in my area...and of course he dated a lot of "model" type women. He was also older than me.. and hung out with MUCH younger women then himself. Anyway. we were friends, and we never "dated"...though I always wished we would. Being around him I always felt "less than" or not good enough, because he wouldn;t go out with me. Fast forward...years later.... We have not talked for years. I am a successful business owner. Have moved on to much bigger and better things. I see him out now...he is STILL hanging out with women who are too young for him, he's never been married, and he looks like ****. LOL I saw him at the beach a few months ago...he saw me.... I waved....an kept right on walking. That was a small victory for me because I truly did NOT want to talk to him. Anyway....you'll get there. I promise...
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I just have to say that I am feeling startlingly okay given that it's the 15th and so far NC from him. After talking to that girl last night I'm FINALLY starting to realize this is HIS ISSUE. I mean, saying your gf has to be a fiddle player and then breaking up with fiddle players because they're not good enough for you? All I can say is that if you're going to do that you better be Jaco effin' Pastorius on the bass or your karma will come back to haunt you!!!
pigeonsid Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Sedgewick - I want to join everyone else in saying that you sound too good for him, he sounds like he's got issues, and that it isn't going to work until he fixes those issues by himself. I'm in a similar situation where, when I analyze my relationship objectively, it seems that I was just too good for my ex and I was unhappy with him because he wasn't good enough for me. But that doesn't make sense to me because he's the one who left. When I look at things objectively, I feel like I should have been the one to leave, since I was the one giving so much more to our relationship. But the truth is that his leaving says something very important about him, and about his ability to make me happy. And I think that you can learn the same from your ex. You love him, so of course you want him back, but no matter how good things were - he broke up with you. And if he could do that, despite your relationship having so much good in it, then what is ever going to be enough for him? You've left it open for him to come back into your life if he wants to. But really, the best thing to do is to start dating again, and try to move on. It seems impossible, but all the advice people keep repeating on this board really works. Even just two weeks ago I was feeling at a completely low point, that I would never be able to get over my ex. And suddenly, all those men that I've been meeting (and who have made me miss my ex even more), and all the stuff that I've been doing to keep myself busy (even though all I wanted to do was cry in bed and call him and have him tell me the break-up didnt' really happen) has kicked in. Suddenly, this week, I remembered who I used to be - and she's a kick-ass woman just like yourself, who doesn't need to mope around after some guy who's so dumb he just throws out something that is really good. If you actively decide to move on, then it does happen. I think your text was good - it's left the door open, and you know that you've done everything you can. Now you need to just let go of it, get on with things. And if he comes back it will be an added bonus in your life. If he doesn't, then it doesn't matter because you haven't been hanging around waiting for him. The loss of a good relationship is a loss for both of you, but it's worse for him because he'll have to deal with the knowledge that he gave up on something good. I guess I feel a lot of the comments were good - just reminding you that you deserve better than how he's treated you. But I also feel your pain because I also miss my ex, despite knowing that I could do better than him, and because I know I loved him because he was enough for me, despite all his flaws. But that in itself tells me that I'm ready to be in a real relationship, and the fact that he broke up with me shows that he isn't. And that has nothing to do with me. Just like your ex's behaviour has nothing to do with you, and you're going to be fine without him. (You are already doing fine without him!)
pigeonsid Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Oops... you posted while I was writing my rambly post! Sorry...I take all that back.. it sounds like you don't need it anymore!!!
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 No, I for sure need it! It's still really hard to get through the day without contacting him. And I still want to lie in bed and cry too. But I'm going out to run some errands that really need to be taken care of, and then I'm going to gymnastics class. Because I'm a 36-year-old woman who can do a back walkover, dammit.
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Okay, I'm starting to be a bit bummed that he hasn't called me. Sigh. I wish the fact I loved him so completely and unconditionally could have meant something to him.
Lishy Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 He is a loser! He will treat every woman he meets in the same way You, on the other hand, are a WINNER! and he does not deserve your thoughts and upset! I wish I could wave a magic wand for you!
Author sedgwick Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 Ugh, okay, it's 7:48 and he hasn't called or emailed or anything. Of course this is what I expected, and I'm taking it okay. I'm not crying or anything. Just trying to get through it a little at a time. I really want to stay in bed (it's so cold!) but I'm making myself get dressed RIGHT NOW and go do some Jivamukti yoga. Yes, that's what I'm doing. It SUCKS thinking he really has just forgotten me and/or wants me out of his life. But I will not, will not, will not contact him or I'll hate myself forever. If I go to yoga I can be proud of myself. Yeah yeah, nobody said it would be easy... If I survive this I'll know I'm the toughest chick in the universe. Please give me messages of NC support, guys, I really need 'em. Give me something to read when I come back from yoga in a few hours. It would be totally appreciated.
so_sad Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Don't contact him. I know for sure now that contact with the ex only sets you back (see my thread "post tales of your breakup craziness" on the Coping board if you don't believe me). I need to have some contact with my ex until we get all our financial stuff sorted, and it just makes me feel so much worse. If you are out doing yoga, you've obviously come a long way - don't ruin it by getting in contact with him!
Confused9 Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 DON'T CONTACT HIM!!!! You know it's not worth it. There is nothing let to say. You deserve better than a smelly, bag of antlers or whatever you said he was. DON'T DO IT!!!
lovesparis Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 NC!! NC!!! NC!!! he's stooopid. and you rawk
Author sedgwick Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) Ahhhhh hells yeah, I just made it through a 90 minute hardcore vinyasa class and hit every single chaturanga-to-upward-dog without cheating! (Any yoga dorks here?) And as I do every time I do Jivamukti yoga, I feel relaxed and stretched out and wonderful. It's 10:43 pm. No contact from him. Now I know. Today is closure. I haven't cried once. I will always love him. He will never have anything from me but love. If he can't accept that, that's his issue. If he can't realize how rare and special it is to have another human being tell you that they love you and believe in you no matter what, if he's so popular he just doesn't need that, then so be it. We're talking about someone who is SO OBSESSED with the effin' fiddle that he has gotten himself down to an anorexic BMI. He's actually on the border between "anorexic" and "emaciated," as in, imminent medical danger. Tonight I was thankful that I have taken care of my body all these years. I'm thankful I can do the splits and put my head on the floor. It's the little things. I would rather have been dumped for not being a fiddle player at all than be dumped for not being a GOOD ENOUGH fiddle player. I'd much rather have been dumped for being a dancer, because he knows nothing about dance, so his opinion really doesn't matter. If he thinks it's so much harder to be a bass player than a dancer, he is welcome to come to Jivamukti with me anytime. I guarantee you he'll be running home screaming and diving into bed with his bass. (Did I ever tell you people that he LITERALLY sleeps with his bass? And we're talking UPRIGHT BASS.) Thanks for the support, everybody. Now all you NC warriors keep up the good fight. Edited January 16, 2008 by sedgwick
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