sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) okay, so i unblocked the hillbilly's number and email addresses. i sent him one text in november that said: "this is sedgwick. i don't know if you've tried to contact me since the last time we talked. i blocked all your contact info and ran off alone to mexico for two months. my book is due jan 15. please do not contact me before that, but if you'd like to after that, i'd like to talk to you. i love you unconditionally, always. i told the truth." yes, that was a totally dumbass thing to send in a text, i know. i'm a writer; i can't order lunch in less than 10,000 words. anyway, part of me is tempted to send him another one now (or an email) that says, "you're unblocked. i continue to love you unconditionally, always." tell me not to do it. there's a part of me that's like, okay, seriously, dude is a smelly emaciated balding nearsighted hillbilly. i think he's the hottest thing in the universe, but he's 6'2", 125 lbs, and blind as a bat. it's a matter of taste, i suppose. he was the boyfriend that all my friends said things about like, "that is not a good-looking man" and "he smells like stale cigarettes, stale coffee, and sweat." and i know i've said this before, and it makes me feel like i'm being some arrogant jerk, but okay, I'M A BELLYDANCER. and a yoga freak and a gymnast. i've been in a bunch of tattoo magazines, i modeled for suicide girls, objectively i know i'm cute enough to be seen with this guy. of course i still see myself as this huge dork with a big nose and a gap between my teeth, but i'm trying to work on the self-image, and i'm trying to be realistic with that part of my brain that tells me he left me because i'm fat and ugly. he said his friends referrred to me as "hot punk rock girl." he used to always say, "you're the sexiest girlfriend ever." and i totally and completely have my own life, my own thing going, and am crazy passionate about what i do. i've been in therapy. i've dealt with my issues. he used to tell me i was the only girlfriend he'd ever had who was as dorked out on her obsessions as he was on his. i was the girl who not only helped him carry his victrolas up the stairs, i actually WANTED to watch him repair them and have him teach me how. and i know beyond a doubt that it was the best sex he ever had. of this i am certain. me too, although it was not unlike f**king a bag of antlers. hipbones=ow. i mean, he used to call me and say, "okay, last night was the best sex i've ever had in my life," and then he'd call me the next time and say the same thing. and we both felt that we had never had such a connection with anyone. he used to tell me i was the lowest-drama girlfriend he'd ever had, and the most supportive of his running off to play music. it really was like it just went from awesome to breaking up overnight, and then he left on tour and i haven't seen him since. i'm trying to look at other people now but i still can't. i haven't even found anyone else attractive in the slightest since i met him. so was this all really, REALLY just because i'm not a musician? did he really just decide that overnight, and that was worth ending a relationship with the only person who has ever told him they loved him unconditionally? am i a dime a dozen? is he with some girl who loves him just as much as i do and he can love her back because she's a musician? are girlfriends like me easy to find? should i just let it go and assume he got the text and will remember to contact me tomorrow (or soon) if he's going to, or should i try one last time to say to him, "you can have all the space you need but just remember that i'll always be out here loving you for exactly who you are?" sorry for the ramble. it's just...you know how you find those people who you're CERTAIN you're supposed to know, you're certain you're supposed to share your lives with each other, you're certain you're supposed to support each other and tell each other your stories? to me those people are unbelievably rare and special. was i really just completely wrong that he felt that too? is his life really better off without speaking to me? god this sucks. Edited January 14, 2008 by sedgwick
serendip Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 i don't know if you've tried to contact me since the last time we talked. i blocked all your contact info and ran off alone to mexico for two months. my book is due jan 15. please do not contact me before that, but if you'd like to after that, i'd like to talk to you. i love you unconditionally, always. i told the truth." part of me is tempted to send him another one now (or an email) that says, "you're unblocked. i continue to love you unconditionally, always." What's the point of sending another text when you already told him in a earlier text that you would like to talk to him anytime after the 15th which is tomorrow. When you block someone...I think when they call you...they get a message...'number you have called is not in service anymore' or something like that. I've never block someone or have been blocked. Anyway...what if he doesn't contact you at all....can you live with that? If not...don't text him again.
Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I am going through the same sort of thing...want to contact him...but the consensus was, NO, don't. And I didn't and I am glad I didn't. So...I am going to tell you the same thing...Don't do it. If he wants to hear from you...bad enough...he'll contact you. Don't continue to show him you are still there pining for him. Just don't do it. It's not worth it. You probably won't get a response and then you will feel worse. If I remember correctly you once posted something like...they are your x's for a reason and I won't even look at my x's stuff, etc. Go back and read your posts about that.
Ronni_W Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 ...say to him, "you can have all the space you need but just remember that i'll always be out here loving you for exactly who you are?" You mean you're not sure you've proved that sufficiently? Or maybe he never read that November text? Or never heard you any other times you said the same thing? Like you said: Don't do it, Sedgwick!!! Sending strength and Guidance.
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 thanks, you guys, i really needed people to remind me to stick with the NC. sometimes it's SOOOO hard, but you're right. he has a lot of apologizing to do if he ever wants to be back in my life. i'm not going to make it easy for him anymore.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 hillbilly i could have stopped here...don't do it!
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 HA HA HA...oh my god Kenzie, I literally laughed out loud. thanks for that.
Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Your description of him makes him sound like a dream! Definately do not call! Dont put yourself out there to get hurt all over again! He is not worth it Shagging a bag of Antlers hahhahahhahah, Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 HA HA HA...oh my god Kenzie, I literally laughed out loud. thanks for that. you are quite welcome.
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 ooo, shagging a bag of antlers is even better! damn i love the brits. i went to school in london when i was 18 and i've thought of going back and living there ever since. if mike huckabee wins the election this fall, i'm there.
Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Yeah sedge, and we don't have hillbillies here hahhahahhaha
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 according to the kinks, you have muswell hillbillies.
PLAYBRAT Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 My GOD girl why are you sweating that guy??? You sound like an awesome girl. You are letting him suck the life out of you...and for what??? Man....you are a writer, a gymnast....a belly dancer...etc etc etc.... you have SO much potential and you are sitting on LS wrtiting about a Hillbilly that broke up with you??? HUH???? Is that YOU in your avatar??? Jesus....if I tried that I'd snap like a toothpick..LMAO.... Seriously. Don't let this guy rent any more space in your head girl. You are WAY too good for him!!!!!
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 awww, thanks. i can't help it, i totally have a thing for the guys who look like r. crumb or seymore from ghost world. if men could just step out of the 1940s more often i'd have a million boyfriends. yeah, that's me in my avatar, heh. i'm bendy.
Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Wow is that really you? I would break my back doing that! Fk you look hot! Dont sweat Mr Smelly-Antlers ... its his damn loss and some lucky man's gain!
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 oh, and did i ever mention the fact that i also design/knit/crochet clothes? so, like, every time he came home from a major tour i made him something. the first time it was a cashmere scarf. the second time it was an orange alpaca hat and fingerless gloves (safety orange being his favorite color.) we're talking luxury fibers were expended on this guy. and then there was the time we got into this big conversation about flatfish so i crocheted him a stuffed flouder and sewed it to his bass case. oh and THEN there was the time i was hanging out with the band and somehow the subject of a mohair thong came about. so what did i do but go and knit a mohair thong and hang it from the rear view mirror of their tour van? and THEN there was the time when he came back over and said the alpaca gloves were a little too short in the wrists, so i UNDID THE YARN, put them back on the needles, knitted two more inches, and gave them back? CIRCULAR KNITTING i did for this man!!!!!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 and THEN there was the time when he came back over and said the alpaca gloves were a little too short in the wrists, so i UNDID THE YARN, put them back on the needles, knitted two more inches, and gave them back? CIRCULAR KNITTING i did for this man!!!!! this is seriously one of the funniest things i have ever read on LS.
Author sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I figure there's gotta be a knitter reading this who can feel my pain.
Lishy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 OMG Sedg you made me actually laugh out loud with that last post! Freaking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stuffed fish on his case MUHAHHAHAHHAHAHA Oh Myyyyyyyyy Too funny! You worry about a stupid smelly bag of bones when you are fabulous!!!!!! Let him go babe you can do so much better! And you will!
brothermartin Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 thanks, you guys, i really needed people to remind me to stick with the NC. sometimes it's SOOOO hard, but you're right. he has a lot of apologizing to do if he ever wants to be back in my life. i'm not going to make it easy for him anymore. You don't have to because it probably won't happen. The guy has too much pride or is too stupid to try and make things work with you. When are you going to see that none of what he did was about you Sedge? It was all about him.
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 i know, i'm preparing myself for him not to call. i very seriously doubt he will. i doubt i'll ever hear from him again. but he knows where to find me if he wants to talk to me.
ahah2322 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 hey flexi-girl! you sound like a fabulous girl (and girlfriend) please don't send the message. you're gonna meet someone even more awesome really soon, ok! stay positive. ((hugs))
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 oh my god, i just talked to a girl who is friends with another ex of his. she was a fiddle player. he broke up with her for not being a good enough fiddle player. yes, he's done this TWICE, to TWO fiddle players before me. he did the same exact thing to her -- she thought everything was great and then he just bailed. wow. i don't quite know what to think.
underpants Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 oh my god, i just talked to a girl who is friends with another ex of his. she was a fiddle player. he broke up with her for not being a good enough fiddle player. yes, he's done this TWICE, to TWO fiddle players before me. he did the same exact thing to her -- she thought everything was great and then he just bailed. wow. i don't quite know what to think. It looks like you have stumbled onto his pattern. He perceives a fault (not that it is a valid one) and this gives him the a 'reason' to leave. Whatever, it is just his silly thing. His way to exit a relationship. I think you are better off, honestly. If he does respond to your contact I would just say you are too busy to play second fiddle. Besides, he is not of the caliber of bass player that you should associate with. Yep, those 2 sentences will plague him for life.
Author sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Apparently he broke this other girl's heart too. I'm not sure what to think. I don't know whether to be comforted by it or feel really stupid for having thought I was special. I asked if he ever spoke to her again and the friend said, "I don't think so." Is this the person I thought I knew? What's wrong with me? Why didn't I see what was happening?
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