Why would someone you love be able to walk away from you so easily?

[Jasmine777]

I would love to know the answer this question....how is it that the person that is breaking away can feel so detached and act soo cold towards someone they loved for many years? How is it that one person can move on so easily from being very in love and not having reason to end it? My boyfriend broke up with me and he is so cold now after he met someone. If I talk to him to find out the truth he tells me about this most wonderful, nice girl who is so intelligent, beautiful and on and on. He thought this all of me and now he has moved on to someone new the only catch is she owns material goods and he had become more and more materialistic. He claims she has two cars a house and so forth. He still lives at home, going to school, has no job and we had a plan that we would graduate at the same time and move away together. Now he is so impressed with this lady whom is six years older then him and has her act together he says even though I did and if anyone does not have their act together it his him! Whom is he fooling!? He tells me that he is so sorry for hurting me yet he feels no pain. I speant many years and almost everyday with him. He now acts like I am an old shoe and it breaks my heart! Why would someone change like this towards the one they really love!?

[Teuen101]

no idea i ask my self this all the time how can people change like that

[Confused9]

I wonder this too. I wish there was an answer, but I don't know if we will ever get one.

[Lishy]

Well, in my experience I walked away from my ex after 14 years and a child. In MY case I had emotionally left the relationship a year before I physically left so I felt no pain. He on the other hand, had to go through councelling and had a nervous breakdown.

 

I think the answer is that they wanted to end it and you didnt so that is why you feel the pain and they do not.

 

You ex sounds like a nasty piece of work though! Dont give him the benefit of even talking to you!

[Confused9]

Lishy, When you were already checked out of the relationship were you still showing signs that you loved him, etc?

 

Mine was...he was so open with me and loved me and so I have no idea how he just changed over night?

[Lishy]

Honey everyone is in different circumstances. I was normal with him but deep in my head I would menatlly pack my stuff and imagine my life without him.

 

I do not know how your ex feels hon but what I do know is that you are persecuting yourself every time you talk to him and allow him to tell you how wonderful it is with his new girl who he is making out to be so much better than you! That is not the actions of a guy who loves you! Ignore his calls and dont call him is my advice! Let him rot in his new girls 2 houses and blah blah blah - Do you honestly think she will want to stick around with a guy who has nothing? I doht think so, she sounds very material and your boyfriend is probably a novelty at the moment. And you know where novelties end up dont you? IN THE BIN!

 

He does not deserve your tears honey!

[Confused9]

Well that is not my situation...that is the original poster, Jasmine's. But I guess your advice still has meaning to me since mine is with another and making me feel bad about myself.

 

I was mistaking his anger for guilt in hopes that would mean he still loved me and felt bad. I must be stupid to feel that, but, I guess I wanted it to be true.

[Lishy]

The truth is that no one can tell you how he feels, only him!

 

Oh heartbreak is awful, who the hell invented it?

[Confused9]

Well he said he doesn't care...I don't believe him...but I guess I ahve to?

 

It really is awful! AWFUL AWFUL!

[Teuen101]

What I'm wondering is how a person call be mad head over heels love with you and you try to meet every need in their life and give up so much for them and then they act like you're the biggest ass that walked on 2 legs

 

I can say the person I was with we only had one fight then bang im out it makes no sence maybe it was just too soon for her and i was the rebound ug..

[brothermartin]

I would love to know the answer this question....how is it that the person that is breaking away can feel so detached and act soo cold towards someone they loved for many years? How is it that one person can move on so easily from being very in love and not having reason to end it? My boyfriend broke up with me and he is so cold now after he met someone. If I talk to him to find out the truth he tells me about this most wonderful, nice girl who is so intelligent, beautiful and on and on. He thought this all of me and now he has moved on to someone new the only catch is she owns material goods and he had become more and more materialistic. He claims she has two cars a house and so forth. He still lives at home, going to school, has no job and we had a plan that we would graduate at the same time and move away together. Now he is so impressed with this lady whom is six years older then him and has her act together he says even though I did and if anyone does not have their act together it his him! Whom is he fooling!? He tells me that he is so sorry for hurting me yet he feels no pain. I speant many years and almost everyday with him. He now acts like I am an old shoe and it breaks my heart! Why would someone change like this towards the one they really love!?

 

This is going to sound bad, but it sounds like the guy played you. He fits the description of a predator just looking for the next big deal and used you until he found it. Love is just a word to people. Whatever you thought he was feeling for you was a lie, and the real person surfaced when put to the test.

Sorry honey. I hope I'm wrong.

[Jasmine777]

Well I know he did love me but he started to change a few months ago. He acted moody, he started drinking, he hated his life, the people in it and instead of weeding certain people out of his life, he weeded me out of his life and I was very supportive and loving towards him for many years! He has basically changed into a creep, someone I do not know!! You know what is funny? He looks at this 30 year old woman like she sweet, innocent and a very nice girl. Now what I would like to know is how could she be all that sweet and innocent if she is dating a guy six years younger then him, meets him out at the bar twice a week, brags about her material goods, brags about her salsa dancing and my guess is she could be living with someone because he has never been to her house! His mom told mine that she looked like such a nice girl and boy was she cute! For one thing she is not a girl she is a 30 year old woman whom is seeing her 24 year old immature son! What is wrong with this picture and why would his mom act like she is some good catch when she really liked me! This salsa dancing woman is proabably no saint! This whole thing has been very hurtful and I can't wait to be over it!

[miami45uconn]

Yeah my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years has blocked me out of her life completley after years of her telling me how desperatley she was in love with me and how she really made me believe that we were real and we had a real future ahead of us. I know i shouldnt but it blame myself or i think of so many different things that could have caused this...im stuck too

[brothermartin]

Well I know he did love me but he started to change a few months ago. He acted moody, he started drinking, he hated his life, the people in it and instead of weeding certain people out of his life, he weeded me out of his life and I was very supportive and loving towards him for many years! He has basically changed into a creep, someone I do not know!! You know what is funny? He looks at this 30 year old woman like she sweet, innocent and a very nice girl. Now what I would like to know is how could she be all that sweet and innocent if she is dating a guy six years younger then him, meets him out at the bar twice a week, brags about her material goods, brags about her salsa dancing and my guess is she could be living with someone because he has never been to her house! His mom told mine that she looked like such a nice girl and boy was she cute! For one thing she is not a girl she is a 30 year old woman whom is seeing her 24 year old immature son! What is wrong with this picture and why would his mom act like she is some good catch when she really liked me! This salsa dancing woman is proabably no saint! This whole thing has been very hurtful and I can't wait to be over it!

You're close to comparing her to yourself. Don't go there. He made his choice to become a creep, now you must choose, to let this continue to plague you, or to move past it.

[sedgwick]

Look at it this way: at least you found out how materialistic he is before you ended up financially entangled with him!

[Jasmine777]

One thing I have realized is to never take a relationship for granted or think someone will always be around because you never know what may happen. I always thought him and I would be together because of how crazy we were about eachother. We still have not gone even more then four days without talking since we have seperated and now I am cutting it off for good. He acts like he does not know what he wants but that is such a line! I have also realized to pay attention to all the signs and if someone says they want to see what it is like to date someone else, not knowing what they want and that they want to see if you and are the one, don't buy it because I did and now I am paying! He acted like he wanted to make sure I was the one before we got married and spent our lives together! I thought it was a stage he was going through! Everyone said he was stringing me along and I did not believe it, even people on loveshack would say to loose him but I did not listen and now four months later we are done for good and I am hurting! It is important to look for the signs along the way and the advice you get especially when everyone is saying the same thing! When you are caught in the middle you can be blind but when you step out of the situation you can see things more clearly. I am finally coming to a conclusion that this would have happened no matter what and least I am being shown what he is really about before we were to get married!

[vivrantflo]

Well, in my experience I walked away from my ex after 14 years and a child. In MY case I had emotionally left the relationship a year before I physically left so I felt no pain. He on the other hand, had to go through councelling and had a nervous breakdown

 

 

Sorry to jump in.. but when you emotionally left the relationship a year before you physically left.. did you inform him when your feelings were changing? Or did you just keep it to yourself, and took off without him knowing that could possibly happen? just curious..

[Lishy]

I did tell him, but he didnt listen, I told him many times that I wanted to leave and he would use underlying scare tactics that made me stay.

 

One day I woke up and took my son to school, I was about to walk to work when I looked at the road and thought to myself that I would not go into work as today was the day I was leaving!

 

I went home, packed 18 bin liners, hired a van and left (while he was at fishing) He would never have just let me pack and go so I had to do it whilst he was out.

 

So yes I did tell him (lots of times in that year) but he just didnt listen

[cj1988]

Simple, they do not love you NO MATTER what they say. The only way to walk away from someone you love is if you have no choice, i.e., physical or emotional abuse.

 

I am now having to walk away from my M because of his emotional abuse, BUT I still love him very much. I am doing this for my own sanity and life.

[Jasmine777]

Okay can someone tell me why my ex would call me everday acting like nothing happened and says please call me after all we have been through and after what he has put me through! He called last night, two days ago I said never talk to me again! He won't listen and he is the one who wanted the break and to date this new person. His mom claims that it is out of habit but I don't think so! Does anyone know why he is doing this?

[cj1988]

Because he wants his cake and eat it too.......he wants to make sure he still keeps you around some how just in case the other does not work out....or she is not what he thought already. Either way he is playing games and it is mean and cruel and needs to stop. If you do not want him to call you, tell him you have a boyfirend and see what he does then....he will either stop or want you back....then you will be over him and you can move on...

[Jasmine777]

He has been callng me like crazy since the day he met her. The second I don't pick up he panics! He starts calling like crazy when he is the one who wants this! I am wondering if he is doing this because he just really wants me as a friend and doesn't want to loose me but maybe wants to be romantic with this other woman. It is very strange and very confusing and yes I need to move on in a huge way!! I just never thought in a million years that he would try to have his cake and eat it too!

[BrianG]

I know what you mean, but your wondering about this because usually we never get to see this side of someone until the end. In most cases we have not experienced what they are like or handle themselves during a break-up so now we are experiencing it because we never saw that side to them before because until now we never had to. I know this doesn't help anything but its just a perspective.

[Just Visiting]

He has been callng me like crazy since the day he met her. The second I don't pick up he panics! He starts calling like crazy when he is the one who wants this! I am wondering if he is doing this because he just really wants me as a friend and doesn't want to loose me but maybe wants to be romantic with this other woman. It is very strange and very confusing and yes I need to move on in a huge way!! I just never thought in a million years that he would try to have his cake and eat it too!

 

Is there any way you can block his phone calls? Check with your phone company. This guy sounds very immature and selfish. IF someone truly loved, cared, and respected another, they would not treat them like a toy. This is what he is doing to you. I understand your pain because I had to leave a previous relationship 2.5 years ago. My ex made it obvious that his feelings have changed and did not want me around (we were living together). As heartbreaking and difficult it was, I packed up and never looked back. To this day, I still do not understand what it was that made him fall out of love. We never had any sort of "closure".

 

Two months after I left, he started a new relationship and they were engaged 5 months later. That hurt a lot but I took the time out to heal and be on my own for awhile. I wasn't looking for a new relationship but it found me. Now, I am expecting my first child with a man who treats me like a princess. My ex did me a favor. There will be a day when you will see that for yourself.

[Jasmine777]

Thank you for a very inspirational reply, everyone tells me that I will now be thankful because I will meet the right guy. I just want to say one last thing about this whole situation....The guy I dated has become so creepy it is chilling. He is a huge womanizer and he is getting a bad rap around town! He used to be so conservitive with high morals and now he has no morals and is so wild and creepy. I can't believe someone could change like this but if I ever have advice for anyone in the future; if you hear the words I just want to be friends, lets wait and see what happens in the future as I date and so forth... run for the hills because I had many warning signs and I wish I would have ran as fast as I could months ago!!