Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 You wait until he contacts you, then write him back and tell him that you no longer wish to hear from him. Short, and to the point and EMOTIONLESS. If you come off to him like you couldn't care less, it will make you feel better. Showing emotion now either by phone or email, or even through a text message only feeds him and makes him feel powerful. I know, but what if he doesn't contact me??? Then I never get to say these things to him and I let him just get away wtih the $$ thing? I just take it laying down? I mean...he obvisously already knows I think he is doing the wrong thing...another email telling him so won't really do much I guess? UGH! This is the worst.
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Have you considered going to an Al-Anon meeting? The fact that he has a drinking problem also explains a LOT of his behavior. I think you would really benefit from going to a couple of meetings. I did but there are not a lot of those meeting in my area. I do attend AA meetings once in a while and those do help. I am not a member as I do not have a problem but since I can't go to AlAnon I thought AA would help?
jdeedee Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Write out all the things you want to say to him, in letter form, and then destroy the letter. Or keep it. Or burn it. But don't send it. Let it all out but you need to know -- he doesn't care. Regarding the money? You need to see a lawyer. Begging, screaming, crying and being nice all won't make him give you any money. All you can do regarding the money is see if you can get the law to force him to reimburse you.
jdeedee Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I did but there are not a lot of those meeting in my area. I do attend AA meetings once in a while and those do help. I am not a member as I do not have a problem but since I can't go to AlAnon I thought AA would help? I too go to AA meetings but don't have a drinking problem. I find them pretty generic in their help, I am a codependent so when I say "My name is ... and I am an alcoholic" I really mean I am an addict, I am addicted to companionship. Yknow? From what I understand Al-Anon and AA are pretty similar, but I've never been to an Al-Anon meeting.
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Well we're in the midst of everything, you know, but he asked me to stick it out and accept things and bla bla and I said no. First time i ever stood up to him. He did have a drinking problem, not so much anymore. Married 10 months. Getting the proceedings done, getting out of here and back to the states, it's all work in progress. When the trust dies, the marriage dies. This is something I NEED to say over and over again. I don't trust him. He would still trust me...but I don't trust him...it would never work. I am glad you are doing what's best for you...I really am. You sound so strong!!!! I hope one day I am that strong. I hope that I fix this so I don't carry it over in my next relationship. I hope this doesn't haunt me forever.
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I too go to AA meetings but don't have a drinking problem. I find them pretty generic in their help, I am a codependent so when I say "My name is ... and I am an alcoholic" I really mean I am an addict, I am addicted to companionship. Yknow? From what I understand Al-Anon and AA are pretty similar, but I've never been to an Al-Anon meeting. I am codependent too. I am going to start going to those meetings. They actually ahve meetings for that...did you know that? There is a website...let me know if you want it.
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Confused, you say you are putting on your "big girl panties" and are ready to "move on" but are you? This new thread is re-hashing all the old stuff. You ex is not going to turn into the thoughtful grieving, guilty guy. Not going to happen. He is going to be who he is, moving through life satisfied with what he's doing. That's the way it is. He has no guilt because he's doing what he wants to do. Sad but true. Are you doing what you want to do? Well that sucks. Must be nice to be him. No I guess part of me isn't ready...or wasn't ready and now I am starting to get there. Screw him and his lying, cheating, con artist self. I need to start living for me. AS much as I can working 65 hours a week to pay OUR debt. UGH!
jdeedee Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I am codependent too. I am going to start going to those meetings. They actually ahve meetings for that...did you know that? There is a website...let me know if you want it. I need to go to a CoDA meeting, I just looked at their [FONT=Verdana]Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence and it's kind of scarily accurate. There aren't a lot of meetings nearby my house though. ...but that's just an excuse for me to avoid it because the idea of going there scares me while the idea of going to AA means nothing to me. [/FONT]
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Well, there is an online forum you can join as well. Why don't you join that? I think you should go...it will be worth it.
jdeedee Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Well, there is an online forum you can join as well. Why don't you join that? I think you should go...it will be worth it. Is it any real different than LS?
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I'm not sure. I am not apart of the website. I just know that it exists. I guess it really isn't any different. are you in therapy or counseling? Has that helped?
jdeedee Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I'm not sure. I am not apart of the website. I just know that it exists. I guess it really isn't any different. are you in therapy or counseling? Has that helped? I'm in therapy but have only had one session so far. My second was going to be today but it was pushed to Weds, it was very nice the first time and I really was looking forward to going this week.
Author Confused9 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 well wednesday you'll have that much more to talk about. hopefully we can get through this and come out better people. due to my x basically skipping out on the bills we have in my name I am going to have to get a second job. I am scared that I will be soo tired but I am also excited about meeting some new people and keeping myself busy. keeping busy is whats going to help me.
Author Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 I am doing OK. I am having a hard time today. I am very lonely. Very very lonely. I got a second job at a restuarant so that's good, but, I miss him very much. I still struggle with the why's, how's, when's etc. I wish I knew what he was thinking or feeling. Unfortunately, I don't. I miss him a lot. A LOT! How are you?!?
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