fishtaco Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Being nice has nothing to do with anything. Women like men that are fun and exciting. Most of the time they turn out to be jerks, just because if they can get women easy then why be nice. But once in a while you'll find a fun and exciting guy that's also nice. But they're exceedingly rare. It's like a debate on if men like women that are good at knitting. Sure, that's great -- if she's also attractive, intelligent and sane. The only nice guys that are successful are ones with other qualities. Even for non-doormat nice guys, if the only thing they can offer is nice, they lose. Nice is simply not part of the attraction equation; it neither adds nor subtracts to your chances of success. The sooner the "nice guys" realize this the better. Sitting around whining won't change anything. Accept it, this is the way it is, and take steps to develop qualities that women are actually looking for. Not everyone can become a playa with mad skillz, but when it comes to dating, you don't need to be the best, you just need to be good enough. And good enough is something that I believe even the most untalented can achieve with hard work. See, here's what's always confused me. Why does someone want to be elevated above the other partner? It's a long way to fall, if you prove yourself to be human. That's now nice guys are. They were taught it's gentlemanly to respect women (like respect your elders). I've had this discussion with my nice guy friends many times - like Woggle said, you don't respect women for being women. They have to do something to earn that respect. But at the same time, there's no need to disrespect women. It's a concept that's very hard to understand by nice guys. So they surround women with this respect zone that they'll stay out of, while all the jerks that know the game marches in and out, and then they get all mad and whine. It's their own fault. They need to wake up and smell the coffee.
sally4sara Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 See, here's what's always confused me. Why does someone want to be elevated above the other partner? It's a long way to fall, if you prove yourself to be human. Amen to that Leoni! I was trying to think about any guys I passed over for being too nice and I am stumped. I have two exes that I would say are nice guys meaning they are boyfriend material, but they were not right for me or me for them. We are still pleasant with each other; thats nice. Why is it wrong to leave a relationship if you don't feel it is the right one for you despite the guy being nice? What is this nice guy finishing last thing? I've never understood it I guess.
Leoni Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 That's now nice guys are. They were taught it's gentlemanly to respect women (like respect your elders). I've had this discussion with my nice guy friends many times - like Woggle said, you don't respect women for being women. They have to do something to earn that respect. But at the same time, there's no need to disrespect women. It's a concept that's very hard to understand by nice guys. So they surround women with this respect zone that they'll stay out of, while all the jerks that know the game marches in and out, and then they get all mad and whine. It's their own fault. They need to wake up and smell the coffee. Well, respect is important in a relationship but it should be the mutual respect that is given to an equal, not the underling/overlord type of respect. Amen to that Leoni! I was trying to think about any guys I passed over for being too nice and I am stumped. I have two exes that I would say are nice guys meaning they are boyfriend material, but they were not right for me or me for them. We are still pleasant with each other; thats nice. Why is it wrong to leave a relationship if you don't feel it is the right one for you despite the guy being nice? What is this nice guy finishing last thing? I've never understood it I guess. People confuse nice guys with pretenders or doormats. Stop kissing arse with a woman and treat her like a woman and an equal. Also, you jerks out there, stop being arses to women. While you might get a girl at the start, good luck in maintaining a relationship.
Phateless Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Being nice has nothing to do with anything. Women like men that are fun and exciting. Most of the time they turn out to be jerks, just because if they can get women easy then why be nice. But once in a while you'll find a fun and exciting guy that's also nice. But they're exceedingly rare. It's like a debate on if men like women that are good at knitting. Sure, that's great -- if she's also attractive, intelligent and sane. The only nice guys that are successful are ones with other qualities. Even for non-doormat nice guys, if the only thing they can offer is nice, they lose. Nice is simply not part of the attraction equation; it neither adds nor subtracts to your chances of success. The sooner the "nice guys" realize this the better. Sitting around whining won't change anything. Accept it, this is the way it is, and take steps to develop qualities that women are actually looking for. Not everyone can become a playa with mad skillz, but when it comes to dating, you don't need to be the best, you just need to be good enough. And good enough is something that I believe even the most untalented can achieve with hard work. That's now nice guys are. They were taught it's gentlemanly to respect women (like respect your elders). I've had this discussion with my nice guy friends many times - like Woggle said, you don't respect women for being women. They have to do something to earn that respect. But at the same time, there's no need to disrespect women. It's a concept that's very hard to understand by nice guys. So they surround women with this respect zone that they'll stay out of, while all the jerks that know the game marches in and out, and then they get all mad and whine. It's their own fault. They need to wake up and smell the coffee. Yep. I was raised on Berkeley feminism but also the fairy-tale chivalry buy-her-stuff mentality and it screwed me! I thought I had to pursue women and win them over... <shakes head> Now I screen them to see if they're cool enough for me to want to hang out with them, and it works way better. Different attitude and mentality.
Green Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 ending up with some one you really like is hard as hell. But stop feeling sorry for yourself, Be confident, have a sense of humor about life, and activly go for the things you want in life because you deserve them. Easier said then done or maybe its the other way around...
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