FYS Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Alright, I've been the "nice guy" for most of my life... I never had a girlfriend, or a date until I was 16. I've dated a fair share of women, and I like to treat them with respect... But so far, that's gotten me lied to, cheated on, used and abused.... What do I do wrong? Most women say they want a "Romeo" so to speak... But when I show someone I like that I AM that sweet guy they all want, they end up dating some ******* that drives a Camaro and cheats on them. Why? I know ladies like the "bad boys" but I'm a "bad boy" too... Why can't they end up with the guy that will treat them right that drives a Taurus? I'd like to say, I am the "Romeo" that women say they want... I may not be the hottest guy alive, but I'm not unattractive either. I just feel like I always end up settling for a girl that's not quite my style, because SHE'S the one that KNOWS what she wants... Don't get me wrong... I've dated chicks that were my style (my current girl) but there are always OTHER problems there... Why is it all about sex appeal, and not about love anymore? What happened to that? The real, old fashioned love, where no matter what happens... There will always be love to bind them together? Always and all ways, Jake
desertguy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) A decade ago, the 90's, been there, done that, raged against the whole "nice guys finish last" BS, (and The Machine too!) with all the "grunge" stuff thrown in, to boot, (yeah, I have passed my 30th birthday, in Seatlle, no less), which, in the whole scheme of things, is just that (plian BS) if you can see it for what it is. Make a plan for yourself (short term right now, you're still WAY young, dude), and focus on working on YOURSELF. Take a hiatus from women, develop yourself as a man, as a person, as a friend, and as a friggin' human being. I'm a firm believer in that, if you don't have a good relationship with yourself now, you'll never have a decent one with any romantic interests further down the road. Edited January 14, 2008 by desertguy
Lucasarts Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hmmm this is gonna be hard...without offending any ladies out there. Okay, with girls, I believe they think like this: (Most) Girls like dicks, not pussies Here is the social perspective of nice guys : Pussies And bad boys: Dicks However, don't lose faith because girls also think like this: A girl wants to date a bad boy, but marry a nice guy I think that girls always say they want a fairytale romance, a Romeo to whisk them off their feet with poetry, prose, and charm, yet they don't want it right away. They want to find that man when they are ready and willing to find him. In the meantime, girls just want to live a little and experience all the pleasures of life before a long engaging commitment. They want to find that bad boy who'll give them a run for their money (and take it too) and taste the life of being loved yet being treated like sh*t. Hey its how a girls mind works (not every girl, but most). A girl expects to be treated with kindness and respect, yet when not getting what they want, it makes they try harder. So, be a dick every once in awhile, it'll keep the girl on her toes as well as give you a little bit of satisfaction that you're not the one bending down and kissing her toes all the time. I expect a few angry replies over this (if none, hey i must have said something right!)
CaliGuy Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I suggest searching the archives for this topic And the answer is YES. DOOR MAT nice guys finish last. Good men, don't.
johan Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Someone should post a guide on this topic. How not to be too nice, but also not to be a complete jerk. Something in the middle. There are a lot of guys who could benefit from that kind of guidance from someone who doesn't struggle with that kind of thing anymore. Someone who has reached a kind of equilibrium, or, dare I say, balance.
Green Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Didnt you learn anythin from watching the trials and tribulations of stanley Ipkis in "The Mask" of course last guys finish last.
Lovelybird Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Nice guy doesn't finish last, it takes a good woman to appreciate a good man BUT, overly nice no-back-bone guy probably will finish last
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 (Most) Girls like dicks, not pussies Here is the social perspective of nice guys : Pussies And bad boys: Dicks However, don't lose faith because girls also think like this: A girl wants to date a bad boy, but marry a nice guy I expect a few angry replies over this (if none, hey i must have said something right!) Ok, Ok, Ok, way to much testosterone here *cough* *choke*. Here is another perspective for ya! Do you know how many "NICE" guys (self-proclaimed and not) i have met who once you have dated them for a couple of months - turn into "Bad Boys" (Jerks), because that is what they "Think", they have to be to make me happy? Ok, not going to pass all the blame here, since i too change within a dating/relationship scenario, but if said "nice" boy remained "displayed nice" boy that i met, we would not have a problem. I don't want to date a "bad boy" i want a "nice boy", but alot of self proclaimed "nice boys", have self esteem issues (which is the arrogant jock versus the intellectual nerd). Bring me a nerd who is self confident yet will sweep me off my feet onto a bed of de-thorned roses and by gosh i shall be his!
lbj123 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I don't think its 100& completely always the case that nice guys finish last, though I understand the idea. I think its something about being too eager or getting too attached too quickly, that turns me off. I am pretty independent, so when a guy is falling all over themself to do things for me, it bothers me. My xH was a typical "nice guy". He actually is a great catch for a different type of woman, but for me I felt smothered and overwhelmed by his constant need to please me. That is not to say that I don't want a man who adores me and wants to make me happy, but there is a fine line between being a considerate, loving and caring boyfriend, and being the kind of boyfriend who always gives in to everything the girl wants, and is fueled with this intense desire to please, almost to a point of obsession. He was setting himself up for failure and disappointment, bc inevitably I wouldn't react the way he wanted and he would feel hurt. I think it all stemmed from insecurity on his part. So really, I think most girls want a guy who is secure with himself, not necessarily a dick, but confident in himself and in the relationship. Supportive but not needy.
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Do you know how many "NICE" guys (self-proclaimed and not) i have met who once you have dated them for a couple of months - turn into "Bad Boys" (Jerks), because that is what they "Think", they have to be to make me happy? Lee, it's not that they changed to bad boys, it's that they were jerks in the first place but chose to be on their best behaviour or your rose-coloured glasses were a little too thick.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Lee, it's not that they changed to bad boys, it's that they were jerks in the first place but chose to be on their best behaviour or your rose-coloured glasses were a little too thick. You may be so right there my friend, you may be right.
Lovelybird Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 true, bad guy and overly nice guy both are egoistic, two sides of one coin the guy with mimimum ego is the charmest one
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Alright, I've been the "nice guy" for most of my life... I never had a girlfriend, or a date until I was 16. I've dated a fair share of women, and I like to treat them with respect... But so far, that's gotten me lied to, cheated on, used and abused.... What do I do wrong? Most women say they want a "Romeo" so to speak... But when I show someone I like that I AM that sweet guy they all want, they end up dating some ******* that drives a Camaro and cheats on them. Why? I know ladies like the "bad boys" but I'm a "bad boy" too... Why can't they end up with the guy that will treat them right that drives a Taurus? I'd like to say, I am the "Romeo" that women say they want... I may not be the hottest guy alive, but I'm not unattractive either. I just feel like I always end up settling for a girl that's not quite my style, because SHE'S the one that KNOWS what she wants... Don't get me wrong... I've dated chicks that were my style (my current girl) but there are always OTHER problems there... Why is it all about sex appeal, and not about love anymore? What happened to that? The real, old fashioned love, where no matter what happens... There will always be love to bind them together? Always and all ways, Jake You only recieve what you receive. If you dont want to be walked all over then dont be a door mat. Girls want the nice guys to take care ofthem but they want to bad guy to bang them in the ass. Simple as that. When a woman cannot focus her wantingness of two different men and side with the bad one for which she knows is just a loser. It shows that her mindset about her men that she picks up is out of whack!! But you know what. It's the age old queestion of being a thug or a gentleman. You get it where you fit in partner. If she's weak enough to fall for the thug, When she comes back treat her the same, she's no lady.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You only recieve what you receive. If you dont want to be walked all over then dont be a door mat. Girls want the nice guys to take care ofthem but they want to bad guy to bang them in the ass. hhhmmmm now i am really confused... Is that really what guys think?
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You may be so right there my friend, you may be right. I think you and I have met/dated some similar types. Sooner or later, they can't hold onto the nice image and the bad behaviours begin. This is when you use the one Japanese word in your vocabulary, Sayonara...
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I think you and I have met/dated some similar types. Sooner or later, they can't hold onto the nice image and the bad behaviours begin. This is when you use the one Japanese word in your vocabulary, Sayonara... Can i PPPWWeeeaase follow that up with one of those martial arts kicks! (they look so cool).
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Can i PPPWWeeeaase follow that up with one of those martial arts kicks! (they look so cool). Oh do so darling. Maybe a few Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 hhhmmmm now i am really confused... Is that really what guys think? Well isnt it true, when have you known a woman to get riled up over a kind sweet nice guy, to the advnturous, dangerous, mysterous man whos uninhibited??? It's a sense of duality when it comes to women and who they pick to be with. But you know it happens to men too more often than not. I know we bang hoes but I dont think any sensible man in his mind will take one home to meet momma. lol.
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Well isnt it true, when have you known a woman to get riled up over a kind sweet nice guy, to the advnturous, dangerous, mysterous man whos uninhibited??? It's a sense of duality when it comes to women and who they pick to be with. But you know it happens to men too more often than not. I know we bang hoes but I dont think any sensible man in his mind will take one home to meet momma. lol. Very true. Like Dr Dre said you can't make a hoe a housewife but too many men try to do just that and it backfires on them. I don't think that genuine good men finish last but doormats do. A doormat doesn't know how to walk away from a woman that treats him like crap or can't appreciate him and move on with his life. Too often these guys chase after women that are no good and they try to be the knight in shining armor. They try to save a damsel in distress not realizing that the damsel willing jumps in. A smart will only show that loving side to a woman that deserves and appreciates it.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Well isn't it true, when have you known a woman to get riled up over a kind sweet nice guy, to the adventurous, dangerous, mysterous man whos uninhibited??? It's a sense of duality when it comes to women and who they pick to be with. But you know it happens to men too more often than not. I know we bang hoes but I don't think any sensible man in his mind will take one home to meet momma. lol. Depends there, once you have been bitten by the danger man, you have a tendency to avoid them and look for the nice guy (well maybe that's just me). In retrospect i have probably spent equal time with both types and a nice blend would suit, OH MY GOSH... that is what i haven been doing wrong!!! i need to squish the two types together. Excuse me friends i need to go do some meshing. Stable, secure, loving, honorable, non-threatening man meet arrogant, self obsessed, rude danger man ... Join now go on JOIN TOGETHER Sorry guys - another bizarre mood is upon me today!
Woggle Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Depends there, once you have been bitten by the danger man, you have a tendency to avoid them and look for the nice guy (well maybe that's just me). In retrospect i have probably spent equal time with both types and a nice blend would suit, OH MY GOSH... that is what i haven been doing wrong!!! i need to squish the two types together. Excuse me friends i need to go do some meshing. Stable, secure, loving, honorable, non-threatening man meet arrogant, self obsessed, rude danger man ... Join now go on JOIN TOGETHER Sorry guys - another bizarre mood is upon me today! Actually once many women are bitten they then hate all men and claim there are no good ones even though they ignored the good ones for some scumbag they are inexplicably attracted to.
Lee725 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Actually once many women are bitten they then hate all men and claim there are no good ones even though they ignored the good ones for some scumbag they are inexplicably attracted to. Cant say that is true Woggle - for me atleast. A bad experience can leave one with a dis-heartened approach to any perspective suitor irrespective of physical attraction. People do have a tendency to be attracted to the same "type" of person be it from a emotional view or a physical one, therefore by attracting the same type of man (or woman) & consistently having repeated bad situations, a feeling of complete diss-satisfaction with all men (or women) can occur. I can not say i do this because i tend to believe that i am more open minded than that, but it is harder when the initial draw card "i like a man to LOOK this way", is not there. I cant generalize but it is true that some women "miss" the nice guys because they are not initially attracted to them in lets say the way they may be physically attracted to a "bad" guy image.
Author FYS Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Alright... It seems that everyone agrees to disagree here... I'm 24, and I'd like to find a steady relationship. I do not fear commitment at all... I'm actually one of the guys that WANTS the commitment. I don't have sex outside of relationships, I don't have one night stands.... I like commitment. But most of the women I'm interested in say one thing and do the opposite. IE: "I want a nice guy!" but she's dating a dick. I agree that women want to live a little before they settle down, a lot of men do too. But damn it! I'm stuck in the generation where women wait a long damned time to want to settle down. I've dated older women and younger women, and can't seem to find the ones that don't want to lie to me and cheat on me... Always and all ways, Jake P.S. ARGH!
lbj123 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 The absolute worst is the man that disguises himself as a nice, good, caring man...and then POW, all of the sudden everything changes and that nice, caring gentleman becomes a self-centered, immature prick. Sadly, that has happened to me before...right after sleeping with him. But how can you see it coming in advance, rather than getting taken for a sucker? Any insight on how to spot the ******* hiding in a nice guy costume before getting sucked in?
Leoni Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 The absolute worst is the man that disguises himself as a nice, good, caring man...and then POW, all of the sudden everything changes and that nice, caring gentleman becomes a self-centered, immature prick. Sadly, that has happened to me before...right after sleeping with him. But how can you see it coming in advance, rather than getting taken for a sucker? Any insight on how to spot the ******* hiding in a nice guy costume before getting sucked in? Talk is cheap. Look to see if their actions match their words. The only way to find this out, is to spend some time with them before investing. Why not try it without sex complicating things? Sooner or later, the selfish and immature ones will wander off, since they tend to lack the patience to wait. It's a way to guard your heart a little. There's no guaranteed way to sift out the incompatibles. It takes luck and time.
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