izza Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Hi Im new here....my problem may be unique or maybe strange to some people...but here goes.... I was married to a abusive man for a long time...finally left him...and sought emotional closeness online. I wasnt ready to really date so soon after that marriage... I found someone who I have become very close with online....emotionally close....I have gotten to the point where i wanted to meet him...see if we click in real life...he lives in Canada and I live in the US but live about 5 or 6 hours driving time away from each other....He tells me he has no time for a relationship right now...with his job....he doesnt have the time to put into it....yet he puts so much time into it online...which really confuses me...I am so emotionally attatched to him that i cant even think of dating anyone in real life.... He has my real name...and i have his...but he also has my cell phone number...town I live in....place where I work....all of it...He wont give me his cell phone number..he wont tell me the town he lives in...he wont tell me where he works...he says its a trust issue with him...that he is a very private person...thing is I have known him since August 2005. And still he cant give me this information. I have become so frustrated over all of this...and started something "sexual" with someone else online....dont know why i did it...maybe to try to forget him....but I washonest with him...and told him right after....this has happened several times over the few years we have "known" each other...this past time...he has pushed me away...saying he needs to think things out...that he needs to be alone...he doesnt want to work anything out together...i see him now maybe once a week...where befor ei saw him online every day...spoke with him on the phone at least every other day.. This time aprt has been since Dec 7 2007.....though we have gotten together once a week to rehash al that has happpned...but never solving anything...I have written countless emails...im messages...asking him to work out this together...begging him to come back...telling him how sad I am....everything and anything...doesnt seem to have much affect....I saw him today...it was so nice to talk with him...but it also brought back all the hurt once again..of him still wanting to be apart...of not working things out...i actually wrote him an email today before i found this site....telling him until he can give me 100% effort to me...give me time and energy into whatever we have here....then i dont want to hear from him....that I was leaving the door open for him...but that I was moving on...with or without him...and when he has the time to put into this relationship to get in contact with me.... I know it sounds silly because all this is online....but it still hurts deeply...and am so attatched to him...even though i was the wrong who pushed him away by "being" with this other person...but I felt so confused with this whole online thing...of him not able to commit to me in real life... Do you find it odd he wont give me his cell phone number...town where he lives...or place of emplyment?....I just feel this whole plae that I am at right now is so unhealthy...any advice would be apppreciated....
Lee725 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 since August 2005. And still he cant give me this information. Do you find it odd he wont give me his cell phone number...town where he lives...or place of emplyment?....I just feel this whole plae that I am at right now is so unhealthy...any advice would be apppreciated.... Yes, very odd. I cant really give to much advice as i have not really experienced this, but if someone wouldnt tell me after 2.5 years i would not have much to do with them.
Teuen101 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 kinda of the same thing happend to me read this it might help http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141195/ I met some one too online met them they lived with me for a few month but anyway Key thing here is trust- If he isn't willing to give you a simple cell phone number or info about his life then something is up and who knows what that might be - the thing about meeting people on line is that fact that there is no commitment to a relationship- they say whatever go as they please and can say anything I've found this out first hand Trust me on this if there is this many problem so soon then walk away you can do better - you're a better person and don't need this
sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 When you say you "see him," do you mean you see him online, or in person? I find it very very odd that he hasn't given you his contact info in over two years. Something is seriously wrong there. Why did you give him yours? Does he ever call you? Please, as a woman, be careful giving out your info to men online -- ESPECIALLY without getting theirs first! (And also, please consider ending sentences with periods instead of ellipsis, as this is hard to read.)
Ronni_W Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 He has my real name...and i have his...but ...He wont give me his cell phone number..he wont tell me the town he lives in...he wont tell me where he works... If I had to guess, I'd say that it's a trust issue on his part, alright -- he doesn't trust that you won't tell his wife! In this situation, how could one even be sure that he has given his real name? You've invested a lot of time and effort, so I do understand that you feel emotionally close to him. But it sounds as if your intuition is kind of 'hinting' for you to reconsider and make a new decision about this "relationship". At this point, I would put my trust in my own intuition over this unhealthy/fantasy thing.
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