dell Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 hi there, first posting here. i need some advice please! i'm pretty sure my severe crush went back to his ex over the holidays...that's the only explanation i can come up with for why he is now avoiding me. i know that he liked me - at least before the holidays - because he told me so. but now i'm not sure what he's thinking. i'm ok if he did in fact go back to her, even though it really hurts. but would like to clear the air (re: awkwardness, closure, etc.). should i let it slide (and continue avoiding each other)? or wait for him to speak up? or initiate and speak with him first? thanks for your help!
Star Gazer Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 How do you know him? Through work, school, what?
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Were you two starting to hangout and date? If not, then you're going to have accept that your crush wasn't over his ex and maybe decided to give it another try.
Author dell Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 i know him from school. we used to hang out non-stop. if he did in fact go back to his ex, i'm ready to accept it. i know how these things, especially over the holidays can get. but i'd just like, i guess some closure. i get the feeling he's avoiding me because he's worried about talking about it. but as time goes by, it hurts more... like an insult to our friendship
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Uhh friendship, not relationship. He doesn't owe you an explanation nor need to ask your permission about seeing his ex again. If you two were not a couple, then this shouldn't be a big issue. UNLESS you do have feelings for him. Does he know how you feel about him?
Author dell Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 no no, i'm just asking if i should try to re-initiate our friendship. basically, or hypothetically, if you lost romantic interest in MISS X (b/c you went back to your ex)... would you still want to be friends with MISS X?
Kamille Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I went through something similar (except we were dating when he chose to try to make things work with his ex) and all I can tell you is that there is no clear cut answer here. I tried to maintain contact a thing I wished I hadn't done now. Other members (you can search Dropdead legs) have had similar experiences, kept minimal contact and things worked out wonderfully. I'm guessing the reason he is avoiding you is because if he is with his ex he is trying to focus on that relationship right now.
Author dell Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 well, i finally asked him: "are you back with your ex?" his response was: "yeh, i'm thinking about it." i'm glad i asked. and yes, it sucks. but i'm ok, i just needed to know. we had a short chat, or rather, i talked mostly. without a whole lot of structure, i told him the pros, cons, and interesting aspects about the whole situation. we're going to be friends, but i'm sure it will take a while. i can tell that it's not just me that has been bothered by this. i know from experience, his personality, and just the look in his eyes that he not only feels guilty about hurting his gf, but me too. i resisted telling him, as a friend, that the chances of him and her working out in the long run are slim... b/c, though i do have a good hunch, i don't want to sound bias. furthermore, i think we all have to learn through experience and just try it once (lol, anymore than 3 times and i don't wanna hear about it!) i cried yesterday b/c he was, from what i could ascertain, perfect for me. today i was mildy bitter, but smiled and looked pretty when he glanced my way. but in all, i'm going to be ok.
Recommended Posts