sadhubby Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 some of ya have read my story wife moved out turkey day for an internet relationship. well i have been practising no contact but she has been poking around i even have the divorce goin it will be done in the end of january. heres the situation the guy is a real snake i know it takes two to tango but she really got wrapped up in his crap well guess what he hasnt made the trip down in the last 2 weeknds. i also am leaving the state this thursday and she knows it. well saturday morning i get the phone ringing at 7:30 am she wants to come over and drop off some stuff wich is pointless crap i might add. i didnt answer she left a message so i got my ass outa bed and ran for the car locked the house up. she left the stuff on the back porch. then she called and called untill about noon leaving no messages my cell phone my house number wich i dint answere. then finally around 6pm she leaves a message telling me shes been trying to get a hold of me to tell me the stuff is on the back porch like i wouldnt find it when taking the dog out?? she sounded kinda upset . then this morning at 9 am i wasnt here she called again and left a message um hi i dont know if ya got my messages but just letting you know i left the stuff on the back porch again ok so bye. but she sounded real sad almost like she had been crying? now we have had the talks of being freinds if things change maybe wed bounced back into each other and i must say this whole thing is killing me i just want to tell her come home and talk to me.but she has been the one in control for sure up untill last week wich i just decided it was enough.she basically has the grass is greener syndrome wich maybe turning brown at this point. and she might be freaking im really leaving. i mean in 3 days i will never see her again most likely. i just dont know what to do i feel shes reaching but im not sure if i should reach back or just continue n.c. she has kept a bridge there and i know im plan b at this point but mistakes are mistakes and i made some too. this is the most attention ive got from her since before she left and i know becuase im pulling away and about to leave.but i cant stop feeling like we could be a special case if she were to pull her head out of her ass i guess ill see what tommorw brings i feel like im being the ass know by not calling her to at least acknowledge she has called omg what to do.
Nomad1 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Hey Sadhubby. Keep up the good work. Now the shoe is firmly on the other foot. She left you for another man. Don't feel sorry for her. Move on, you are doing the right thing. She is selfish, has clearly realised that the grass is definitely not greener. If you let her back, she won't respect you. At least now, she is beginning to respect you. Keep it that way. Nomad1
br0ken_w0lf Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Sadhubby, I'm in no position to give advice by any stretch but just wanted to say I feel for ya. I really do. I hope whatever you decide to do, that it works out the best for *you*. Take care...
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Let her starve without you, the cakeating is ova!!! lol. Stay no contact. This is what she wanted!!!
SeraBella Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 If you give in to no contact she will know she still has control. Has she apologized at all?
Author sadhubby Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 no not yet she has just turned kinda sweet like if you want help cleaning the house i will come over i wouldnt want you to do it by yourself.and the last 2 messages i could tell in her voice there was panic or something it was crackly . hard to explain ive known her 8 yrs so yes she is acting differnt from the women who was telling me she was happy now and she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore. i thought if she didnt call tommorw i will give her a polite call and let her know i was really busy and act as if nothing was wrong and i am happy i am leaving type thing. and ask her if she needed anything i am also getting a new cell phone tommorw so i figured id give her the new number to see where it leads . but i guess its harder to go n.c. becuase i am leaving and if there were some kinda hope it would get squished. but im also not so sure its another ploy she is doin to regain control. but why? if she didnt care why would she even bother to sound like she did? she could have just left a message once and been done with it.
redblack66 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 no not yet she has just turned kinda sweet like if you want help cleaning the house i will come over i wouldnt want you to do it by yourself.and the last 2 messages i could tell in her voice there was panic or something it was crackly . hard to explain ive known her 8 yrs so yes she is acting differnt from the women who was telling me she was happy now and she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore. i thought if she didnt call tommorw i will give her a polite call and let her know i was really busy and act as if nothing was wrong and i am happy i am leaving type thing. and ask her if she needed anything i am also getting a new cell phone tommorw so i figured id give her the new number to see where it leads . but i guess its harder to go n.c. becuase i am leaving and if there were some kinda hope it would get squished. but im also not so sure its another ploy she is doin to regain control. but why? if she didnt care why would she even bother to sound like she did? she could have just left a message once and been done with it. I have been trying to understand similar behavior. My wife is totally out of our marriage, but gives signs that she cares, interested in my life, even jealous, blah, blah. Control seems to be a big part of the problem in your and my situations. I would not read too much into the events that are happening. Can't you just ask her point blank where she stands?
Author sadhubby Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 i dunno if i can its all comin to a head in 3 days i guess im freaking out too i feel as if im leaving without her and leaving my life behind good news is i think i actually sold the house this weekend. really red how long have ya been divorced and did your wife leave you? and what is this behavior is it love of some sort i often feel like my wife is punishing me for the things i did . and she is doin whatevr she wants now on that excuse. but in the same sense not totally loose me man its just friggin weird now.im not sure i can take much more. i just wanna shake her and say wake up who are you??? she has to drive by here in the mornings so i will see what happens but ill be back to post for more help im sure thanks evryone for your help
redblack66 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 i dunno if i can its all comin to a head in 3 days i guess im freaking out too i feel as if im leaving without her and leaving my life behind good news is i think i actually sold the house this weekend. really red how long have ya been divorced and did your wife leave you? and what is this behavior is it love of some sort i often feel like my wife is punishing me for the things i did . and she is doin whatevr she wants now on that excuse. but in the same sense not totally loose me man its just friggin weird now.im not sure i can take much more. i just wanna shake her and say wake up who are you??? she has to drive by here in the mornings so i will see what happens but ill be back to post for more help im sure thanks evryone for your help From what I have learned, this is what I think. It may not apply to you. You are lucky since You are leaving. You are leaving your life behind and starting a new one; enjoy it. You have sold the house. Don't try to understand her behavior. Don't try to wake her up. (I have the same thing at home.) Go ahead with your life. Do you understand what I am saying. I did not earlier. I know it is easy to say the above, and I am in the same s---, but I wish I was thinking like this 5 months ago.
Gunny376 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 She's crazy for leaving? But Man? Just let her go! I'm 50 years old ~ retired United States Marine. Eighteen years the otherside of where your at? Got married in a fever ~ to the frist and only ex-wife, shacked up with another for six and half years? Wasted, pissed away eighteen and a half of the best years of my life on two women that wouldn't spit on me, let alone piss on me were I on fire? Granted? With the wife? I was young and dumb? With the LTR GF? Its was all about "Me, me, me!" All I was getting out of the relationship? Sex! That's it! And contrary to popular belief? That's not enough to keep a man engaged in a relationship?! I've been married! I've shacked up! All I can say? To quote "Shawshank Redemition" the movie? FREEDOM!
sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I'd say if you want to just send her an email that says, "Got the stuff, thanks." No more than that. No response if she writes back. She left you for someone else, and that's that. She made her choice. Now she has to live with it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 God why are you even attempting to leave a contact number? I would basically disappear. She doesnt need you or deserve you. Why are you making things easier for her. NC is no new hurts I agree with sedgwick, she needs to live with it. She made her choice!!!
Author sadhubby Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 i know i know im crazy!! low and behold guess who shows up here this morning 7:45 am before goin to work , she does. she was asking for the power cord to her computer wich i know i gave her last week i think she just needed an excuse. she also noticed a womens phone number on my desk. the little wheels are spinnin in her head i could see it. she wants to come buy tonight and grab her chair. you guys are prolly right she just wants to re establish control tho ill see. i was just freindley and didnt seem bothered by it wich i think was the way to be. and why am i doin this i guess i love her im stupid lol. but duely noted gunny and chrome i hear ya guys .
LakesideDream Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Sadhubby, You are where you wanted to be. Your divorce is almost final, you've survived the worse part of it all. Soon you will be free of all the pain, and drama. Why give in and find yourself back to square one? Your soon to be ex is in a panic because her "LDR" isn't going well. Duh. She wants you to lean on while she waits for the outcome. If her LDR heats up a little, and pays some attention to her she'll be back to being a bitch in 6 seconds. If he continues to fade away she'll be back at your front and back door at a daily basis. It's not an unusual situation. Around here it's called "cake eating". Your ex is trying to become a cake eater, keeping her LDR between her legs, and you on the back burner.
Author sadhubby Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 yep you are right . i was just talking about how i feel she didnt even think i would take it this far and now its setting in. all tho she hasnt shown up tonight prolly to see if ill call her forget it. i sighned the final paper work today in front of a notary it will be done in 16-18 days judge just has to sign it. and yes she is a grass is greener cake eater for sure. im definately coming out on top the house sale will pay off all my debt and i will walk away from here with maybe 4-5 grand in my pocket to where she is 8 grand in card debt and 13 grand in school debt none of wich has my name attached to it. but she is happy now
redblack66 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 yep you are right . i was just talking about how i feel she didnt even think i would take it this far and now its setting in. all tho she hasnt shown up tonight prolly to see if ill call her forget it. i sighned the final paper work today in front of a notary it will be done in 16-18 days judge just has to sign it. and yes she is a grass is greener cake eater for sure. im definately coming out on top the house sale will pay off all my debt and i will walk away from here with maybe 4-5 grand in my pocket to where she is 8 grand in card debt and 13 grand in school debt none of wich has my name attached to it. but she is happy now Man, you are lucky. Get a life and stop worrying. Seriously.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 If I was you I would have had a lacy pair of white thongs on the floor in plain sight for her to see. Just to know I aint dead and I am blowing some chicks back out! One monkey doesnt stop the show!
MattN Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I've been there reading into every little thing they do etc.. Just let it go and move on don't give her any contact info nothing. Your better off without her I mean seriously can you live with a woman where you are the second choice? Be done with her..
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