Author richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I just noticed that everytime i wake up, after a few seconds of disorientation, I get this rush of feelings in me that usually aren't good. Thoughts of her and this need to text and talk to her seem to hit me as soon as I open my eyes. Maybe because when I'm sleeping, I forgot about all of my problems yet when I open my eyes, reality comes to mind and my first instinct is to save my relationship (or what was my relationship) by trying to fix things. The same thing happended this morning. As soon as I woke up I grabbed my phone and started to compose this "love message" of how I still believe we were meant to be, which I didn't end up sending. One minute I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and make it my personal mission to make here regret she left me by working out and meeting people, and the next minute its back to feeling like s**t. The same humiliating, hurt, lost feeling.. Where is she? why hasn't she called? Will she ever call back? Why didn't she love me enough to stick it out with me? Why do I feel like I hate her, when I know I love her. I just have so much regret and I wish I could take back time. Maybe if I hadn't called her during the space she wanted, she would be right here with me. Maybe if I had done things differently she wouldn't have left me. The regret kills me. If only I could've done something differently.
RichC Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 You are asking questions that may not have answers no matter how badly you want them. If you knew the answers it would not change the fact that she is no longer with you. You are holding on to any hope, no matter how unrealistic, that you may get back together. You cannot see clearly at all now. Keep posting here as a form of therapy and letting your anger and confusion come out on the keyboard instead of in a possibly very bad decision or action. You cannot MAKE her explain or come to you. If you try that only bad things for both of you can come out of that. I don;t think you want that for her or you.
RichC Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 The "if onlys" lead to nothing but regret that need not be. I think your more important task right now is to look after yourself and get control of your emotions. I have been in the state you are in and after looking back it scared the h*ll out of me because I was going on making something happen instead of recognizing that it is beyond my control and proceeding from there. Keep posting.
timjones0674 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) I just noticed that everytime i wake up, after a few seconds of disorientation, I get this rush of feelings in me that usually aren't good. Thoughts of her and this need to text and talk to her seem to hit me as soon as I open my eyes. Maybe because when I'm sleeping, I forgot about all of my problems yet when I open my eyes, reality comes to mind and my first instinct is to save my relationship (or what was my relationship) by trying to fix things. The same thing happended this morning. As soon as I woke up I grabbed my phone and started to compose this "love message" of how I still believe we were meant to be, which I didn't end up sending. One minute I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and make it my personal mission to make here regret she left me by working out and meeting people, and the next minute its back to feeling like s**t. The same humiliating, hurt, lost feeling.. Where is she? why hasn't she called? Will she ever call back? Why didn't she love me enough to stick it out with me? Why do I feel like I hate her, when I know I love her. I just have so much regret and I wish I could take back time. Maybe if I hadn't called her during the space she wanted, she would be right here with me. Maybe if I had done things differently she wouldn't have left me. The regret kills me. If only I could've done something differently. OK.. I am getting a better idea of what is going on there. Meaning, it would appear this is the first time you have gotten your heart broken. I know it sux, but there are two things you MUST do.. 1) DO NOT CONTACT HER!!! If you do, then it will ruin any possible chance of ever getting back with here. You must wait for her to call you. The reason is simple, which is that attraction is only built when you are away from someone and not with them. Meaning, the more time the two of you spend apart, the more attraction she will build for you as she thinks about you. It takes time, which is why it might be along time before she does, but chances are that she will at some point. If you contact her, though, it will only erase any attraction she had built for you... 2) You must get your mind off of her. I can assure you that running definitely helps, but you should know that you are seducing yourself. The more you think about her, the worse it will get until you will at some point you will loose all control and try to contact her. And when you do, I can assure you that you will regret it later.. No doubt there because all of us have made this mistake before... Good Luck and I promise it gets better... The first time you get your heart broken is the worst. Every time after that, though, is allot easier... Edited January 15, 2008 by timjones0674
LoveIsABeauty Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 TimJones TimJones TimJones. You need to advise me some more!! When I read your DO NOT CONTACT HER bit I almost fell off my chair. Finally someone who understands the game of attraction!!! That’s what I have been thinking all along with my situation…
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 OK.. I am getting a better idea of what is going on there. Meaning, it would appear this is the first time you have gotten your heart broken. I know it sux, but there are two things you MUST do.. 1) DO NOT CONTACT HER!!! If you do, then it will ruin any possible chance of ever getting back with here. You must wait for her to call you. The reason is simple, which is that attraction is only built when you are away from someone and not with them. Meaning, the more time the two of you spend apart, the more attraction she will build for you as she thinks about you. It takes time, which is why it might be along time before she does, but chances are that she will at some point. If you contact her, though, it will only erase any attraction she had built for you... 2) You must get your mind off of her. I can assure you that running definitely helps, but you should know that you are seducing yourself. The more you think about her, the worse it will get until you will at some point you will loose all control and try to contact her. And when you do, I can assure you that you will regret it later.. No doubt there because all of us have made this mistake before... Good Luck and I promise it gets better... The first time you get your heart broken is the worst. Every time after that, though, is allot easier... Completely agree. Anyone I have gone into full no contact mode with after a break up has eventually come back. Those that I reached out to and pursued- I just ended up oushing them away. It is very true- you can only miss what is not there. She can't miss you or have the space to think things though if you still have contact, Cutting herout of your life completely is going to make HER wonder why the texts and pleas of love have stopped. She'll get curious about it- and she will wonder. NC is your only chance. Also- NC helps you move on.
Author richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 *Timjones* thank you so much for your insight on no contact. It makes so much sense when you break it down simply and logically. and *D-lish* thank you again for your continued support. I know i have to force myself through this because just like you said..NC is my only option. I've already tried and said everything and none of it worked---I really need you guys and the only thing that eases the pain is when someone posts and they can relate to what im feeling. This Thursday will be the one week mark of NC and I am aiming to reach that. I am trying as hard as I can and its gonna take everything in me to not contact her. I feel like I just wanna "tap out" and give into what i'd instintively want to do which is to comminicate with her. My friend tells me that I have a job and my health and that i'm just suffering from a broken heart....she's right so knowing that and taking that into account..why cant I realize that and cheer up. I guess nothihg feels more tormenting then the pain that you yourself are currently facing. I can't call her. I have to make my 7 day NC week marker. I have no choice. Even though I feel like she'll forget about me, I cant call.
LoveIsABeauty Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Richardcruz, I feel for you. Broken hearts are so sad. I can't tell you how many times I have been there for my friends through all their many heartbreaks and for the first time going through my own heartbreak. All we can really do is live day by day hoping it gets easier and staying busy and strong. I can't tell you how many times I have thought of calling him because I was afraid he would forget me but you have to know that they will never forget you no matter how much they try. You will always be lurking somewhere in their minds consciously or subconsciously. Of course that doesn't mean they still love you or want to be with you but it does mean that they won't forget about you. Keep up the good work...you are almost there!!
Author richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 This is me lost in thought: Its night time and this is the time I hate the most. Its quiet and its the time I feel most alone. This is when my most depressing thoughts come into my mind. I stay staring at my cellphone to see if maybe she'll text me or call around this time like she always used to during our relationship..but she doesn't. I think its too late for her to ever come back. Why didn't I learn from my breakup years ago. I know there was alot of things in our relationship that I could've done differently or maybe even better, but the thing I regret the most is not being able to be a MAN. I don't know why I cried in front of her, or why i cried audibly on the phone for her, or why I begged her to stay. I truly think the damage is irreversible and even with NC, she will never see me as the strong man that she once saw me as, thus never seeing an attraction to me. How can she ever get those images out of her head. I ruined my own relationship by not being a man. The oddest thing is even though I am on this rant, my eyes are welting up with tears. But im not ashamed of that. After all I am human. But the difference is that I am behind closed doors were the only person who can see this is me. I can cry in the dark where no one can see my tears. And when i cry and I think about this, I try to excuse myself by thinking to myself 'its just that it hurt so bad and It felt like I wouldn't live another day.' But that doesn't bring her back, and chances are she won't ever be back. I have no one to blame but myself. So when I pray tonight like I always do, in addition to praying for some kind of direction. I'll pray that God makes me a stronger man, because I failed miserably. God I just cried because it hurt so bad and I couldn't hold it in like I should have.. I'm sorry (crying)
SmileyFace82 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Hey Richard, No regrets mate... don't ever think about what you could've done differently etc. Everything happened for a reason. The only thing you can change is your present and your future (and your future is dependent on what you do right now), not your past. I'm writing cause i know exactly how you feel... and even now 5 months on after my break up, i still think about my ex but i'm in a better place now. Even if you gave me the option to go back in time to the point where i was able to change things, i wouldn't take you up on that offer anymore. I would've before but now i look at myself and realise how much i've moved on without me really noticing. I've met so many new people and am doing so many new things with my life. The point is, you have to start moving on with your life for the time being...make extra effort to meet new people but also stay close to your family and friends. It's up to you... you've got to be strong and make a man of yourself. Trust me, i was where you are right now. I was so down and i was on the brink of giving up...my mind was not thinking clear but i can truly say after 5 months on... despite knowing i'm still not fully over her... i am able to control my thoughts and think more clearly. I've done this by getting on with my life and laying the foundations for my future. I've bought an apartment, enrolled into a new course, expanded my network.... all things which required me to get my ass of my chair. On a side issue, i didn't discover LoveShack 'til 3 months after my break up... so in that time i had contacted my ex etc. and i'd also contacted her over Christmas sending her a christmas card, basically did all the wrong things. I wish i had read what timjones0674, PlayBrat, D-lish had to say before i did. You have this advantage...everyone here is happy to help cause most of us have experienced what you are experiencing right now. You're not alone, but like i said before, you must try and stay close to your friends and family in this time and try and go out and have fun in the meantime.
LoveIsABeauty Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Aww you know nights are definitely the worst. Nights make me soo miserable especially when I’m trying to go to sleep but can’t because I’m consumed with thoughts. All kind of thoughts and it all have to do with him. I think most of us believe that night time is the worst time because we are alone and we are doing nothing. All I know it’s the worst part of the day. You know we all go back and think if I did this or if I hadn’t done that but you know at the end of the day it happened and we can’t do anything about it. It makes us stronger and a better person. So try your hardest not to think that way. It will only bring you down. You know what though men who can cry are real men in my opinion and if women don’t believe that then they don’t know what a real man is. Yes, we want a strong man and usually strong men don’t show feelings that much but you know if you lose something you care about soo much then go ahead and cry on my shoulder. I think that’s being a real man. Crying and not worrying what the woman will think. If the guy who broke up with me came back to me crying you wouldn’t know how happy I would be. If I dumped him and he cried and begged me not to go I wouldn’t think of him less than a man. I would think that he loves me soo much that he felt a need to cry. It shows how much a person cares in my book. But if you want redeem yourself if you really do feel that you are less of a man in her eyes because you cried then don't call her again. Ever. That will show her strength. Don’t worry. God has plans for all of us and I’m an optimist. Everyone can tell you that you’re broken up for good but only God knows. There are soo many stories out there that are unbelievable and no matter how bad a person messes up or how bad of a situation a person goes through it’s all for a reason and at the end of the road we will know what it is and trust me you will be happy again. God makes sure of it! Take care of yourself!! And keep praying!!
salsah Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Agreed. Nights are appalling for thought. BUT it can be a good time too - turn that singular thought into something else more positive. I find that sometimes if I focus on the things that will get me through the night, little things, eg. watching some crazy-@ss mountain bike DVD or maybe listening to some music, doing weights, anything really, can make the night go on by faster. To me, this forum is simply wonderful. There's a wealth of advice and experience here - I've read some great advice, obviously from people who have gone through a world of hurt before and have come out much stronger, much wiser, more mature, and best still, more full of life. It gives me hope that if these people can go through something that you are going through right now and come out better, then I can do it too. Don't ever think you're alone. At night is the BEST time to try and hang out with people, your friends, chat on the forums, do anything to focus on things other than how atrocious you may be feeling. I know how hard it is to drag yourself away from the darkness, but even in the darkness of the sky, there are lights to show you the way. Just don't give up. There's always light. There's always a way through. Just hang in there. If she is all you're thinking about, do something else. Start reading a book, play a computer game. The world is massive, there's so many things to enjoy. Plan a trip somewhere. That's another thing I'm doing to distract myself from the current phase. I want to travel the world and see all the beautiful things cos I know that even with the bad stuff, there's some truly awe-inspiring stuff too. I'm not much of a religious man, but I think that sometimes having faith that things will get through helps a lot, but you do have to work on it too. Things don't just suddenly get better. I wish that all the time, but I know that if I don't work on it, I'll just end up falling and I know that I won't get up again. So I have to work at it. That in itself helps too, cos you're focusing on things that get you by. You won't really see it now, but you will be stronger too. I think I may be just rambling now, but I hope there's something there that helps. I've just had an awful night dreaming about my ex gf so my thoughts may not be thorughly clear. Not the best start to a morning, really. But with help of your friends and family, you will get through it. Don't think otherwise. You will get through it. Live strong, be free. Sal
Author richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I was debating whether to call her or not. I was thinking that I could just call her and apologize for acting "ridiculous" (her word describing my actions) the last time we talked and then say that I've already said everything else there is to say and just leave it like that and hang up. But why hasn't she called to apologize for hanging up on me while I was crying. Wasn't that wrong too. Why am I the one calling? I feel like if I don't call to apologize, she will never call me back again. Then I was also thinking that maybe we should meet in person. That way if she physically sees me, that flame in her heart might be rekindled. Guys Im gonna lose her forever. I have to take action!!
serendip Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I was debating whether to call her or not. I was thinking that I could just call her and apologize for acting "ridiculous" (her word describing my actions) the last time we talked and then say that I've already said everything else there is to say and just leave it like that and hang up. But why hasn't she called to apologize for hanging up on me while I was crying. Wasn't that wrong too. Why am I the one calling? I feel like if I don't call to apologize, she will never call me back again. Then I was also thinking that maybe we should meet in person. That way if she physically sees me, that flame in her heart might be rekindled. Guys Im gonna lose her forever. I have to take action!! Contacting her will not help you get her back....instead you will be pestering her which will annoy her. If she wants you...she'll contact you...until then start to move on.
vivrantflo Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Richard, I understand your pain, but try to understand what everyone here is telling you. There is nothing you can do to "convince" her to change her mind about you.. but there are things you can do to push her away even further, and that's contacting her. I understand the NC is torture, and I understand that you feel she's forgetting about you.. but that's not true. The ONLY way she would reconsider.. IF she reconsiders, is if she misses you, and wants to contact you. Please try to understand that the more you push, the more she will pull away.. To be honest right now, you've been doing a good job keeping up the NC, but you're torturing yourself to no avail! In your situation, whenever I would get that urge to text her, or call her.. I would hop in the computer and type out all my feelings in a fake email (DO NOT SEND) That way, you can get everything off your chest, but not ruin any chance you might have by contacting her.. After a while, your serious urge to contact her will slowly start to dwindle.. Give her, and most importantly, yourself.. tons of time.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah, it sucks but NC and doing a 180 is the best thing you could do. Either she comes back or she doesnt. But I tell you this as a man who doe4snt take betrayal and abandonment likely. Once she leaves, she stays gone. For any person to abandon you when they you need them the most, That right there is dispacable!!!
sedgwick Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 I totally agree with Chrome Barracuda (although it's "despicable.") DO NOT contact her! I'm struggling a lot today too but it's been over two months NC (before that it was three months, then I sent him one text but that was it) and I simply will not break it. He knows how to get in touch with me and if he wants to talk to me he will. DO NOT chase this girl with apologies!!! I had a guy do that to me once and he drove me absolutely nuts. I lost ALL attraction and respect for him because he wouldn't leave me alone with the begging and apologizing. And stop with the "I should be a man" stuff. Gender doesn't prevent you from feeling emotions. Good for you for being a man who CAN cry -- just don't let her see you do it.
D-Lish Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Don't call RC. Take into consideration what people are telling you here. Any further contact will annoy her and push her further away. Remember that everytime you go to contact her.... That doing so WILL take you back to square one...and it won't do you any good. It's odd- but this afternoon I got an e-mail from a guy I dated a few months back that I really liked, but we broke up. I went into strict NC with him- and he has contacted me twice in the past week. They do seek you out when you leave them be.... and it happens when you least expect it! You are doing well- keep up with the NC. Post here everytime you want to call her.... let us support you through not contacting her! xo D
Author richardcruz Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) Well, I DIDN'T end up calling her. I had been reading everyones feedback at work and it pulled me through..but it was a true testament of my will. I wanted to apologize for what i felt I did wrong in our last conversation but after reading some of your posts, (sedgwick) I realize that I would be just apologizing with the intent of somehow mending things, not necessarily because I truly am sorry. After all she was the one that hung up on me when I was crying for her. I'm tired of chasing her around with apologies only to be treated like dirt. I guess all of you are right (serendip) and its just hard thing to except, but if she truly wants to talk to me, she knows how to get hold of me. I don't know if this is right but it has helped ease the pain a bit knowing that there is a possibilty that at one point, the tables can turn (d-lish). I guess it just helps me to move forward and that maybe just maybe she will regret what she did one day and she will be the one trying to talk to me. And if there is even the slightest possibility that this can happen (.001 chance) by staying NC, then I have to stick to it. After all, I have nothing to lose. My pride, my dignity, my gf; all gone. The only thing now is the feeling is really start to set in that she may never call me. Thats a hard pill to swallow but I have no choice. The hardest thng is to accept that she treated me like complete garbage after I had done so much for her and after all we had been through. Thats the part that hurts. How she could've been so cold with me, that I'll never understand. That is starting to slowly simmer in me. I hope that never gets to be to a a full boil and stir up to be hate. The more time that passes the more that particular piece hurts. Edited January 16, 2008 by richardcruz
Author richardcruz Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) So here i am again. I always log on before going to sleep as nights seem to be the toughest. I went to the gym today and got a good workout. I think that helped. But again as I was driving home, I started thinking If she would ever call back. I didn't feel like calling her, but It just starts to hurt when I think how she was with me. It starts hurting when I think about how cruel she was with me. That definetly seems to be the part that hurts the most. Its those series of thoughts that bring the searing pain. Does she even feel any remorse for the way she treated me like crap? Does she see any wrong in the way she was with me? Will she realize it at a later time? I know at this point these things don't matter but sometimes I just wonder about them. I have read that old poem "footprints in the sand" many times throughout my life, but never has it meant so much to me as it did today. After I read it, I came to the realization that I am not alone in this dark part of my life. Its that feeling of loneliness and betrayal that make me feel abandoned. I hope God provides me some sort of direction and will keep me close because my heart is torn in two and it hurts so bad. *For those of you that are not religious or of a different religion, I'm not trying in any way to offend you or impose my beliefs on you. I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time to help me get through this sad part of my life, even though it feels like I never will. Edited January 16, 2008 by richardcruz
D-Lish Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 Well My Sweet, I am an Atheist, I do not believe in God or any higher power that controls our destiny. I do however believe that you must draw strength from your beliefs- and that is important to you, so use that support. It feels like the end of the world- but it is not. Day by day, okay? Your story inspired me to get back to the gym- because it reminded me how good it made me feel to work out. See? You helped someone... Plug on... no contact. Each day will get better. D
Author richardcruz Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 I can't think at work today. I have gotten a few things done that are priority, but then I get to thinking and it hurts. This friday will be my no NC week mark, and the more time that goes by, the more grim it starts looking as far as getting a call back from her. The longest we've gone without talking ever was two weeks. I think i'm coming to the point where I know I can't call her anymore because that would mean that I am the one that is intiating things again, when she should be the one that should call me. After all she was the one that hung up on me was I was crying and wouldn't even return my texts that night immediately after she hung up when I was just asking her to hear me out (wow that really hurts). The whole thing just keeps on replaying in my mind. "Please don't leave me, we've been through so much. Just give us one more chance. I L___ You." My voice starts getting shaky as I start to sniffle. "Why are you being so cold-hearted to me. Your hurting me." Its audible now that i'm crying. "I never did anyth"..she cuts me off. "You know what! You are over reacting! I'm not gonna have this discussion with you again" she says. "Its just that it hur.." she cuts me of again. I really don't have time for this." "Wait! Plea.." she cuts me off. "I don't have time..Bye.........dial tone. Im crying alone with the phone still in my hand. I don't have to put the receiver down; the line has already been disconnected. Out of desperation I grab my phone and start texting her. My fingers type quickly. I shoot the first text off that reads "please just hear me out." Yet I get no response. A second one follows 5 minutes later that reads "please just pick up" but no response. She's ignoring me. That second my heart shatters into a million pieces. Since that day the same thought has plagued me over and over and over. How could she treat me like that. I didn't do anything to deserve that. For the most part, I was the best man I could've been with her. I always respected her, never hung up on her, always went out of my way to help her in any way, shape or form. Sure I'm flawed. no one is perfect. But I never cheated on her, didn't cuss at her, opened doors for her, was always was affecionate with her, always tried to make her feel special. How am I deserving of this. In a way I just want her to call back just to know that she did have feelings so I know I didn't spend a year of my life with someone that was completely callous and cold-hearted. But its not looking good. If she was cold hearted enough o hang up on me when I was begging for her, I'm sure she can go through with not ever contacting me after she completely treated me like the lowest thing on this earth.
NowWhat Posted January 16, 2008 Posted January 16, 2008 I've been in your shoes and it has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. All your rehashing and questions are normal at this point. At some point though, try to realize that she said what she said and did what she did because of her, not because of you. She probably couldn't handle your emotions because it makes her feel guilty so she lashed out at you. It sounds like you have some abandonment issues because you began to beg with her and ask her to hear you out. You became very desperate with her and although I understand very much that feeling and have done it myself, it's childish and a sign that you probably suffered some type of abandonment as a child. Get the book, "Journey from Abandoment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. The title is a bit dramatic but it will step you through some of the awful things you are experiencing. It also addresses how people with abandoment issues differ from others when going through a breakup. For example, a lot of people who say that NC is the answer (it is by the way), will tell you that it gets better after some time but for someone who suffers from abandoment issues, it actually gets worse as time goes on. Your anxiety mounts instead of disapating which can confuse loved ones who are trying to help you. I'm sorry you are going through so much pain right now. I'm 35 and I've been there but I'm learning that if someone is going to leave, they will and nothing you say will change that. It's tough to realize that we really cannot control what another does - no matter how much we love them. It's up to her now and there is absolutely nothing you can do. Nothing. It's over - at least for now - so rest, exhale and regroup. Stop trying to force something but instead do nothing. It's when we pause and do nothing that healing can begin. At least you won't be working against yourself. BTW...D-Lish you are pretty awesome with the support you've given richard. I'm an Atheist too, but :)sometimes I like to say that I'm Pagan!
Author richardcruz Posted January 16, 2008 Author Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) Yeah D-Lish has been really awesome with the support. It reminds me at such a troubling time in my life that there are still people that have really good hearts out there (somewhere). Her and a few others that have posted have been my daily support. Just when I think i'm gonna lose it and call her, they have been there for me to make me understand that I can't call her, even though everything in me just feels like rejecting the advice and doing the opposite. Thanks Again. NowWhat: I am definetely gonna go pick up "Journey from Abandoment to Healing" today. You are very accurate in saying that I most likely suffered some type of abandonment when I was really young. The strange thing is I can't pin point where, as I do have both of my parents, but there are two things I remember clearly from my childhood; I always felt alone and nervous. All of my past breakups have been pretty difficult for me to overcome because of this overwhelming feeling that comes over me of being abandoned (as I had mentioned on one of my previous posts). But none of them have been as difficult as this last one. My last gf left me after a one year relationship only for me to find out a month later that she was cheating on me. That one hurt really bad but this one was really the last nail in the coffin. I finally took a chance and gave my heart to someone again only to have it severely broken. It feels like the equivalent of me getting into a horrific car wreck and I'm bleeding in really bad shape and instead of helping me, she walks away from me and leaves me there to die. Extreme? I know but thats how I perceive it. Thats how it honestly feels to me. I believed her: every word she said. Everytime she told me she would always be by my side through thick and thin, I took it deep into my heart and held on to it. Edited January 16, 2008 by richardcruz
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