purplegurl Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 im perplexed.... Me and my ex were together for 4 years until he left me for another girl. i was devastated to say the least and pined for him for almost 8 months. All those months there wasnt a single day when i dint think about him or miss him.Although there was little or no contact mostly. A month ago he suddenly came back all repentant and apologetic and i was considering getting back with him. I was taking things really really slow, and we were beginning to get close to each other again. But a few days ago we kissed and made out a little...and i did not feel anything.earlier there was awesome chemistry between us...but now there's nothing. It confusing me and freaking me out a bit. We have been together a couple of times since then...but both times i did not feel anything. Has it happened to anybody else also. Please help me understand this.
London Girl Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Firstly congratulations on your ex returning! You are probably just feeling anxious. Your ex left you for someone else so the trust element has somewhat been lost. He has let you down. If my ex dumped me and came back, it would play on my mind that he had been intimate with someone else and hurt me. Have you discussed your relationship and where it went wrong when you both got back together? I think this is important. You need to resolve the issues first and then take things slowly again. It is too easy to think you can go back to how it was because you are both familar with each other but if you have not discussed the issues then that will always resurface. I might be wrong but it could be a pride thing as well and the fact you got back the "control". This guy dumped you and you was not expecting him to return but when he did it changes the dynamics. He needs to earn your trust now and if you want it to try again you both need to sit down and talk.
Storyrider Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 You're angry at him but stuffing it. So it is coming out ass-sideways as a lack of attraction.
Nemo Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 You're angry at him but stuffing it. Stuffing what? So it is coming out ass-sideways as a lack of attraction. You have a style of writing which is incredibly vivid. Maybe it's the delicate, yet powerful, use of adjectives.
Storyrider Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Stuffing what? You have a style of writing which is incredibly vivid. Maybe it's the delicate, yet powerful, use of adjectives. Form follows content.
Ronni_W Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 ...we kissed and made out a little...and i did not feel anything.earlier there was awesome chemistry between us...but now there's nothing. It confusing me and freaking me out a bit. You're just not into him anymore. It's totally normal. It doesn't matter how your body reacted to him before. You're past him, over it, have totally moved on. There is absolutely no reason to feel confused and freaked out ... unless you really want to invite that kind of drama into your life, that is.
blackbird Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 You're angry at him but stuffing it. So it is coming out ass-sideways as a lack of attraction. Nail, head.
blackbird Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 In my experience, my body turns off completely when there's unspoken anger/resentment/hurt between me and my loved one. I can't feel anything. No desire, no chemistry, nothing, despite objectively finding my SO as hot as before. But it comes back as soon as I've aired things and seriously worked things out. If he left you for someone else for 8 months, you bet there's some heavy issues. How much have you talked, REALLY talked, about them?
Nomad1 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 No chemistry = send him packing! You don't want this loser back in your life. Listen to your instincts. Your body/mind remembers the hurt and suffering and is trying to tell you, this is a non starter. You have moved on. Keep it that way. If you get back together he will do it again, thinking that he can go and play for a few months, and that you will always be there for him. Take care Nomad1
Author purplegurl Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 thank you all so much for providing insight. i have indeed tried to resolve all the issues in my head...by talking it out with him. we have discussed our previous relationship and where we went wrong. he has been candid in telling me about his relationship with the other girl. Throughout he has been most understanding about my lack of trust and has only tried to re-assure me. but it boils down to the fact that there is an absolute lack of chemistry!! after reading all of your posts...it occured to me that maybe i just want to be friends with him now. I am indeed over him!! sometimes it takes the strangest of things to make you realise something so important! well its liberating to say the least....
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 thank you all so much for providing insight. i have indeed tried to resolve all the issues in my head...by talking it out with him. we have discussed our previous relationship and where we went wrong. he has been candid in telling me about his relationship with the other girl. Throughout he has been most understanding about my lack of trust and has only tried to re-assure me. but it boils down to the fact that there is an absolute lack of chemistry!! after reading all of your posts...it occured to me that maybe i just want to be friends with him now. I am indeed over him!! sometimes it takes the strangest of things to make you realise something so important! well its liberating to say the least.... Yep. There is anger and resentment and you don't respect him anymore. Without respect there can be no basis for love.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 It's a subconscious protective forcefield that has surrounded you, purplegurl, to protect you from the hurt and resentment of what you once felt. Congratulations on moving on, here's to 2008!
torranceshipman Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I just got back with my ex too after about 7 months apart and I feel like you do! Crazy, hey (-; But you hit it on the head when you say it is liberating! Awesome start to 2008 for both of us, by the looks of it!!
Author purplegurl Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Thanks Je Ne Regrette Rien..i hope u also find your liberation soon and congratulations to you too torranceshipman...its time to move on now. and hey its feels great doesnt it?
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