older guy Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’m not really entitled to post here as I have been happily married for rather a long time and my problem is not directly connected to infidelity. In short my wife has made some remarks that have greatly disturbed me and I need opinion on whether I have got them out of proportion.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I think logically and tend to see things in black and white where my wife thinks emotionally, identifying many shades of grey. Another difference is that I am good at conversation but rubbish at chat and she is the direct opposite. However, although I know she disagrees with me on many things, over the years she has only been prepared to argue on subjects she feels strongly about.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Recently a politician has been speaking in favour of increasing the penalty for rape but a newspaper article argued that the abysmally low conviction rate (5%) could be improved by putting date rape into a separate category and drastically reducing the sentence to little more that a year. I stated my outrage at this but my wife agreed with the writer saying, “I’m not talking about a stranger with a knife because that’s horrible but if I was on the jury for a date rape trial, even if I was convinced that he had forced her, I would be very reluctant to condemn a young man to five or more years in prison because of it.” I can see that this point of view is vaguely tenable but then she went on to say, “It’s human nature for females to lead men on and its human nature for males to be unwilling to accept ‘no’ as an answer. That’s how it’s been since the year dot. It is only intercourse. The girl should just lie back and put up with it and if she’s not actually damaged it’s hardly worth making a fuss about.”[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My wife’s remarks have greatly disturbed me. At the start of our long relationship she made me wait six months and penetrative sex was a big issue. I still see it the same way and rather assumed that she did too, especially as we have brought up three daughters and no sons. In consequence, I was shocked to hear her treat intercourse in such a casually dismissive way.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Over the years she has spent periods of time alone with men she liked. “The first was a period of months when my unemployed younger brother became a fairly regular daytime house guest while I was at work. The other a number of years when my wife was a man’s only employee (in a small dress shop), working sometimes alone and sometimes with him. During both of these periods there were incidents and situations that could be construed as suspicious but it was also very easy to think of innocent explanations. Now my complacent contentment is completely shattered and I find myself compulsively analysing the past to see if I have been too gullibly trusting.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]It is amazing that so few words in an unrelated context can completely destroy peace of mind.[/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Curmudgeon Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 It is amazing that so few words in an unrelated context can completely destroy peace of mind. Been there, done that, and rather recently at that. Not worth over thinking/analyzing it. Either you trust your wife of X number of years or you don't. I suggest you explore this with her because none of us here will be able to lay it to rest for you. At the very worse you'll discover something real to be upset about. At the very least the two of you can simply agree to disagree, especially as I doubt her comments had anything to do with anything at all pertaining to your marriage. Betcha I'm older!
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