Jon12345 Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 (edited) A couple of months ago, I read about 50 text sex messages sent back and forth in one evening. One of those texts was about her arranging to meet up with this guy for sex. I confronted her and we split. She was devastated as was I. But we got back together about a week later. She said she was so sorry but nothing actually happened. Well, I checked her phone again today and I read the following: "when are you home then sexy?!" 23:28 1/1/08. She had left mine at midday that day, having spent the last 6 days with me. What are your thoughts about this? How did she know she was away from home? What should I do? Thanks, Jon Edited January 13, 2008 by Jon12345
Planofool Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Sounds like your relationship is in trouble. But if you want to know what is going on you have to stay quiet and watch. I wish I would not have busted out my wife and would have waited and watched. But I am married are you? If you are just dating sounds like it is time to look elsewhere.
norajane Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 If you took her back after finding 50 sex text messages, along with one discussing when to meet, you shouldn't be too surprised that she is still contacting him and is probably seeing him. She was sorry she got caught, not sorry that she was involving herself with another guy. Time to move on - for good, this time.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 What would you speculate her message was to him though? There were no messages that she sent in her sent box so perhaps they were deleted? Or she didn't send any?
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Most text messages are fantasy related. Maybe she had no intention of meeting him, but had intentions in her mind (which could be same or worse). Either way, your relationship is in trouble. You have two choices: talk to her and work it out or leave it.
brokenthinker Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 This is EXACTLY how it started with my WaW... I stayed silent for about a month... until i found out it was picture text messages being exchanged too.. She was "so sorry" crying begging me not to leave here.... Well 2 weeks later it was a new guy, and a few weeks after I ended that one she started with another new guy and moved 1/2 across country in with him a few weeks later..... If she refuses to stop there isn't much you can do, and obviously she doesn't respect you and your feelings if she refuses to stop. It's up to you how much pain and abuse you are willing to take.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 I don't know how many messages have been going back and forth. It could have just been one or two over Xmas for all I know. But the text does suggest he knew she was not at home and that can only have come from her. i.e. that she is perhaps in some sort of dialogue with him. After all, I have not caught her this time trying to arrange a meeting. What do you think?
SeraBella Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 I'm sure she deleted them. On my phone there's a setting to have all sent messages automatically deleted. Even if her phone doesn't have that, I'm sure she realized that you're looking and is probably in the habit of deleting everything often. If there was only one text on there it probably is another sign of that. Especially if she is a big texter and there are none to other friends that just have innocent text. The only time you find no messages on my phone is right after I delete them, other than that you'll find at least a few of them to and from my closest friends about what's going on, work, life, happy hour, etc..
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 we split. She was devastated as was I. .... Dude.. She is burning the candle at both ends.. You have clear proof that she is or is planning to cheat on you and meet up with some guy for sex.. It doesn't sound like she considers you her BF.. Dump her or finish dumping her... it will save your heart the breaking that is about to happen..
mental_traveller Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 She is cheating and you should break up for good this time. Don't get back together - in fact, cut her off totally and throw her out.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Where I caught her was two months ago and we did split. But what I read this time was a message from him, not her. The thing that doesn't look good is the fact that she left mine and then in the evening she got that text saying when is she coming home. Those are the facts, everything else is speculation. I agree it doesn't look good, but I cannot say for sure that she is currently cheating. Hence the head fu*k.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I agree it doesn't look good, but I cannot say for sure that she is currently cheating. Hence the head fu*k. But you CAN say for sure that she cheated before . And this text is a step in the same direction. Do you really need to be burned twice? Mr. Lucky
Author Jon12345 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 But how do I know that something is going to happen again? All I have seen is a text from him to her. That does not mean she is going to see him. I have not seen any text messages from her to him either (in the last 2 months) so I do not know the nature of any messages she may or may not have sent to him.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Of course you haven't seen any messages from her, as was said before she obviously deleted them. You're making excuses for her, justifying what she's doing. I'm not trying to sound mean here but she's playing you. She lied to you before the split, and she's still lying to you now. Why are you putting up with this? She said to you "Nothing actually happened." But that's not her saying that it won't happen, and that she'd stop texting and talking to these guys all together. She's very sly.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I am not making excuses for her at all. I want to establish the facts and not judge this with emotionally confused view. You have said she "obviously" deleted them. How do you know she sent any? Where is your evidence for this? And if she had sent them, how do you know they were of a "cheating" nature?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I'm deducing my ideas based on the 50 texts that happened before you guys got back together. These things are just my opinions. But I do think it unlikely that the text she received was random and unwarranted based on her past texting habits. That's all I was trying to say. The one received was not appropriate. Especially with what happened before the breakup. I'm just trying to say it really doesn't look good on her part at all. Again, these are my opinions take them for what they're worth. I'm not saying anything as factual, I only base my suggestions off of what you've said.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I agree with you, it doesn't look good at all. But at the same time I want to be sure before ending an 8 month relationship. It would all be so simple if I had no feelings for the person... My thoughts are to say nothing and try to catch something a little more concrete. However, I am having a very hard time with this as I am feeling great resentment towards her and it is showing. She knows something is up and thinks I hate her at the moment. A guy earlier in the thread said it quite well - he really regretted busting on his wife and wish he kept quiet. When someone knows you are checking up on their mobile, they are more likely to be extra careful and you lose that means of finding out the truth. Maybe its wise to play a waiting game, if my brain can take it!
ElvenPriestess Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 You don't hate her, you hate what she did in the past, and not knowing 100% that she's not doing it now. It's easier to break trust than build trust. It's up to her to prove to you that's she's once again worthy of that trust. I know it's hard. I really do. But the thing of it is, is you shouldn't have to wait this out. You have every right to talk to her, and I would certainly do that as it's weighing so heavy on you. You need to be able to trust her right? You may not like this idea but you wanna know what I'd do? I'd casually ask her if she ever gets any texts anymore, the not appropriate kind, or have those people gone away for good? That's what I'd ask her. And if she says yeah I've had one or two but I ignore it, then I'd say she's pretty trustworthy. If she flat out says no, then you have a real problem. If she asks you why you want to know, tell her it's to set your own mind at ease.
littlekitty Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Wait for what?!! More proof? What more do you really need? She's done this before. And whether anything happened or not, what she did was still cheating in my book. At the very least it was utterly disrespectful of your relationship. And now she's clearly still talking to him!! "when are you home then sexy?!" That clearly suggests he knows she wasn't at home. The only way for him to know that if is she told him. It sounds to me like a response to a text from her. And it proves she is still communicating with him. It obviously isn't just something he's sent out the blue. What more proof do you need? Walk... no run, away from this girl.
jmargel Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Next time you see a text message on her phone, write back. Play along with it and try to get as much info as possible. Ask him to send a picture as well so you know what he looks like. Quit tolerating this behavior! You are not invading her privacy nor are you going to hurt this marriage worse. It would be different if she came to you and told you this guy is still texting her and won't leave her alone. However she *wants* him to text her. Check her online cell bill, good chance they are also talking. Don't be so naive to think it's just text messages. You can't trust her on what she says, her words are meaningless. You two really need marriage counseling as well. Read the book 'love must be tough'. Not only show confidence, live it!
Author Jon12345 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Anybody want to make a guestimate of what she probably sent him in a text, prior to getting his reply?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Something seductive, inviting, which is why he replied the way he did. But no matter the exact words you know it was way out of bounds and once again betraying your trust.
Owl Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 OK, you're finding messages like this...in an 8 month old relationship? Dude...run, do not walk, but RUN to the nearest exit. This is when things are supposed to be all honey and sunshine!!! If she's doing this now...its a clear sign that any long term relationship with her will be a risky won at the very very very least. If she's cheating on you NOW...which she is, if she's getting messages like this...what's it going to be like when you're married with two kids and stressing over bills?!?!?! I'm curious...why did you never address the problem back when you found the first 50 messages? Not that I honestly think it matters...this woman is clearly not ready for a committed relationship. Cut and run.
Author Jon12345 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 We talked about it at length when I saw all those text messages. Having checked her phone regularly over the last 2 months, this is the first time I have seen one from him again.
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