pigeonfeathers Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 (edited) I met a gorgeous girl (Sarah) at a New Year's Eve party, and danced with her and her two friends for about 2 hours. We were all a part of the same travel group, for which the party was thrown. I was never given even a moment to dance alone with her: her two friends were there the whole time. She was laughing a lot, was touching my arm, and was very interested by everything I had to say. Before midnight, she mentioned that we should hang out at her place after the party (and I think "we" included her two friends); however, after midnight we were all exhausted and I'm pretty sure she went straight to bed. I was pretty sure Sarah was into me, and I spent a lot of time with her the next few days. We flirted all the time, but innocently (smiling, eye contact, I held her stuff, etc.). When another beautiful girl (Michelle) joined our travel group and flirted with me a bit, I was worried that Sarah might assume that I was interested in Michelle; a few hours later, Sarah approached me and said, "You know, you are the coolest person I've met on this trip. We were just talking about you, and how you are just so cool." My response was, "Thanks, you're not so bad yourself." In retrospect, I could have made a move at that point: whoops. In any case, I'm not sure if Sarah said that in an effort to divert my attention away from Michelle and back onto her. At some point, she mentioned that she often does not express her emotions, which has been a problem in her past relationships. I thought it was strange that she mentioned her past relationships out of the blue, and I didn't know what to make of it. I don't think she was trying to scare me away, so I'm not sure what the deal was. I decided that I should make a move, so after a few days I worked up the courage to compliment her more directly. Before I could say anything, though, she was aggressively flirting with another guy (her leg rubbing against his). I thought she hooked up with him, so I gave up on the whole thing and just kept hanging out with her as a friend (because she is just a lot of fun to be with). It turns out that she never did hook up with him, but I noticed that she flirts with guys all the time, and decided that her flirting with me did not necessarily indicate interest. Strangely, no one in the group seemed to notice that I had a thing for Sarah. I thought our flirting was obvious, though. Perhaps I was too subtle, and Sarah herself couldn't detect my interest? Anyway, we became very comfortable with each other as friends. She brought up her issues with commitment, and I explained how inexperienced I am with girls. She responded with loads of dating advice for me, and she expects me to make out with a bunch of random girls in the next few months and report back. It was certainly odd to get dating advice from her, but I figured that advice from the perspective of such a beautiful girl would certainly be useful in the long run. We had a lot of fun together, and I told her that she was my favorite person in the travel group. She told me I was lying, but I convinced her that I wasn't. The next day, she said, "You're so funny. You're my favorite in this group." I wrestled with the idea of mentioning to her that I liked her, but she had said that she gets very weirded out when guys tell her that. So I didn't. Sarah and I live far away from each other, which is one of the key reasons why I never made a move (and eventually lost my chance): I wasn't interested in a hook-up, and I knew a relationship couldn't work. Anyway, I'm confused by what happened for a number of reasons: 1. First, I thought she was into me. Later, I concluded that she just flirts with everyone and probably wasn't into me (and *no one* seemed to notice that I had a thing for her). Now I'm thinking that she was into me, but I friendzoned myself by not making a move when I had the chance. What are your opinions? 2. Why did her friends never leave me alone with her? I hung out with all 3 of them a lot, and they knew I wasn't a creep. In fact, they didn't even seem to have a clue that I was into her. Is that why they didn't leave me alone with her? Since they didn't have a clue, they didn't realize they were cockblocking me? Of course, if they didn't have a clue, then Sarah probably didn't have a clue, either...which I assume means that I wasn't obvious enough? Finally, I'll be seeing her in a few days and I was wondering if there's anything I can say to express my feelings? She said she gets creeped out and runs for the hills when a guy says "I like you," but I don't like secrets (even though nothing could ever work out between us, given our physical distance). On the other hand, I'm no longer sure how I feel about her: she has many personality flaws, but I do really love spending time with her. Note: I'm 21, she's 22. I have only just started dating girls (late bloomer), while she has been in many relationships. Edited January 13, 2008 by pigeonfeathers
pandagirl Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 hoo boy. This girl sounds me like! I think that she probably is interested in you on some level, but just like you, she doesn't know how to convey those feelings very well. She could also just be a complete flirt/tease, but you'll never find out for sure unless you become a little more direct about your feelings. There's nothing to lose!
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Well, the problem is that she gets scared off when people reveal their feelings to her. Furthermore, since a relationship would not work, revealing my feelings would only result in having those feelings off my chest (and in the possible loss of a friend). If you could elaborate on what you think is/was going on in her mind, that would be great. If I can learn what went wrong in this situation, I think I'll be fully equipped to deal with beautiful girls in the feature. For future reference, how do you think I could have handled the situation better? It still amazes me that know one had any idea I was interested in her; on the other hand, the second this other dude started hitting on her, everyone noticed. Note: I am also very attractive, so she could have been physically interested in me as well. On the other hand, she has a clear interest in men in uniform (not me). I would always point them out to her, saying "Ooh, how's that guy?" In fact, the guy who was hitting on her, who I thought she had hooked up with (but she didn't), was a military guy.
Lucasarts Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 i donno, sounds like you guys are just really good friends (with the possibility that something more could have happened). THe only real way to find out would have been to isolate yourselves in a romantic situation and make your moves on her from there and see where it would have gone. The fact that your friends didnt notice the flirting is because it seems you guys do it all the time and it appeared to be just for fun.
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 If I had wanted to make a move early on (which I didn't really want to do, since I wasn't interested in a hook-up, but never mind that...), what could I have done differently? I mentioned that I had trouble separating her from her friends, so what should my approach have been?
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Update: I really want to kiss her. What is likely to happen if I go for a kiss the next time I see her (in a few days)? I worry about embarrassing myself in front of a lot of our mutual friends; at the same time, I won't see her again for months. Thoughts?
lindya Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 My take on it is that she's very adept at flirting, and uses every opportunity to improve her technique further. Whether through physical gestures or through flattery. For that reason, it's very difficult for you to know whether she's particularly interested in you or whether she's interested in you on the same level that she's interested in every guy she flirts with. As for how you could have handled the situation better: When she told you you were her favourite person on the trip, rather than reacting in a flattered manner you might have tried giving her a very measured look then asking "Is that a fact? What are you going to do about it, then?" I wrestled with the idea of mentioning to her that I liked her, but she had said that she gets very weirded out when guys tell her that. So I didn't. I'm not going to bore you with my take on women who say things like that...but I would say that your instinct about not showering her with compliments was probably a good one.
Leoni Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Sarah and I live far away from each other, which is one of the key reasons why I never made a move (and eventually lost my chance): I wasn't interested in a hook-up, and I knew a relationship couldn't work. In already having this attitude, everything else is meaningless. If not for ego, why bother being concerned about making a future connection with her? Maybe she picked up on this or received mixed signals from you and moved on. Being friend-zoned isn't the worst thing to happen to someone who has made the decision not to proceed further. If anything, it provides an equitable solution for both of you.
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 Well, as I said, one piece of advice she gave me was to make out with 3 random girls this semester. I would love it if she were one of them! After being away from her for a few days and having trouble getting her out of my mind, I'd much rather make out with her before going back to school than not. I'm not talking about a relationship or any kind of commitment: it would just feel awesome. Of course, I can't do that if she wouldn't welcome it...
Meaplus3 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Well, as I said, one piece of advice she gave me was to make out with 3 random girls this semester. I would love it if she were one of them! After being away from her for a few days and having trouble getting her out of my mind, I'd much rather make out with her before going back to school than not. I'm not talking about a relationship or any kind of commitment: it would just feel awesome. Of course, I can't do that if she wouldn't welcome it... Have you tried talking with Sarah about her feeling's? AP:)
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 14, 2008 Author Posted January 14, 2008 I can't talk to her about feelings, because that creeps her out.
latefragment Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I'd go in for the kiss if I were you, DO IT!!!!!!! seriously, I'm a girl and I'd like that. You run a small risk of pissing her off if she's not attracted to you, but it sounds like she's been flirting pretty heavily with you, I'd just kiss her if I were you (I'm a chick, btw)
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 And it's cool to kiss her even though nothing can happen between us?
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Sorry for the bump, but I have one more day to make up my mind regarding what I'm going to do. After Wednesday, I lose my opportunity for good. Help!
malaclypse Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Better to try and lose than not to try at all... There's this nice quote about this: As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. - Zachary Scott
Author pigeonfeathers Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I just have this feeling that I'm being manipulative if I make a move on a friend, since I did not initially act as if I had any feelings for her.
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