Rowen Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Again tonight.. I honestly want to tear my hair out. My ex, comes on to me for three weeks. Wants tohang out. I reject 4 of 5 times. She flirts, gets jealous, and cares about what I do. SHe says she misses me and that she wants to go out to our old dating places. So.. last monday she tells me she dumped her abusive bf... ok.. then.. says she would like to go to dinner with me soon. I say "ok let me know" SO today I was just fed up with all the dancing , undertanty general stupidity of this situation. I texted her "hey , wanna grab some dinner tommrow?" Then 4 hours later, i get a text that says "hello friend" I text back "hi..? whats up?" and nothing back. Is she insane? Is she scared? Does she just want to be friends and see where it goes? I need some advice here people. She wants to hang out, then when I ask her to, she gets cold and is scared off. There are some options A-She just wants to be friends B-Shes testing the water to see where i'm at and trying to get a reaction out of saying "hello friend" C-Shes just doesn't know what she wants C- I can really believe, beucase she is always uncertain about things, always changing jobs etc. I was the only stability shes had in a long time. She goes to that new guy, then dumped him within 2 months D-SHes just generally insane. Help me get my sanity folks.. just please.
Tony T Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 She's jerking you around. More than likely she's playing games with her ex...and maybe they will get back. When people break up, they are depressed and highly vulnerable. They look for anything nearby to comfort them. For a bit of time you were that. Now she's found something else to distract her and likely it's her ex. Of course, there will be a time when in the process of trying to get back together with him she will want to make him a little jealous and that's where you fit in. You don't know whether or not her boyfriend was abusive. It's likely she told you she dumped him because of that but the truth may be a whole lot different. Even abused people often want to return to the abuse...it's nuts but don't take my word for it, ask the experts. Make a rule for yourself. Don't go near babes who are out of a relationship within four months...even then you are taking your chances but that number is fairly safe. People who are healing from a relationship are confused and hurt and they will grab onto anything. Don't be what they grab onto...yuk!
Author Rowen Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 She's jerking you around. More than likely she's playing games with her ex...and maybe they will get back. When people break up, they are depressed and highly vulnerable. They look for anything nearby to comfort them. For a bit of time you were that. Now she's found something else to distract her and likely it's her ex. Of course, there will be a time when in the process of trying to get back together with him she will want to make him a little jealous and that's where you fit in. You don't know whether or not her boyfriend was abusive. It's likely she told you she dumped him because of that but the truth may be a whole lot different. Even abused people often want to return to the abuse...it's nuts but don't take my word for it, ask the experts. Make a rule for yourself. Don't go near babes who are out of a relationship within four months...even then you are taking your chances but that number is fairly safe. People who are healing from a relationship are confused and hurt and they will grab onto anything. Don't be what they grab onto...yuk! Well for christs sake... can't she use someone else to do that dirty work? Not the ex that still pines for her? It's horrific and emotionally abusive to me and probably her ex.
torranceshipman Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Lol Rowen seriously she is a D! Really give this girl no time, she is messing you around. My ex did exactly the same, due to confusion or something - who knows - so anyway, I went NC, then load of other things happened, basically he flirted for a long time, but I acted unavailable as I wasnt interested in a guy who flirts but cant follow through, then he flirts behind his girlfs back then I give him hell and tell him not to, unless he is single, then a few weeks later they split and eventually (a few weeks after that) we started dating again a coupla weeks ago...excellent! But I am not sure he is the right guy for me, but dating is fun-we're taking it v.slow-n we'll see. It's a nice end for me tho, even if it didnt work out this time round, its a kind of closure for me - I'll never wonder 'what if' anymore, and I now think it might be that we're better as friends anyway! Anyway lol, wasnt trying to threadjack, the whole point is, if I'd taken his flirting seriously I'd have been a mess for months!-and if I hadnt been so hardnosed about no contact, etc, he might not have chased me and wanted me back so much! So lay it out to her, say what the heck is goin on, then I say she is out of line, then dont give her time anymore. Then in the end if she really does want you back she'll go the extra mile to get you! Might take a while tho... I dont know why my ex n your ex do all the flirting etc, when they blatantly didnt have intentions of following thru, but thats how thy are. Nuts really, I dont understand it! Anyways, Good luck!
Author Rowen Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Lol Rowen seriously she is a D! Really give this girl no time, she is messing you around. My ex did exactly the same, due to confusion or something - who knows - so anyway, I went NC, then load of other things happened, basically he flirted for a long time, but I acted unavailable as I wasnt interested in a guy who flirts but cant follow through, then he flirts behind his girlfs back then I give him hell and tell him not to, unless he is single, then a few weeks later they split and eventually (a few weeks after that) we started dating again a coupla weeks ago...excellent! But I am not sure he is the right guy for me, but dating is fun-we're taking it v.slow-n we'll see. It's a nice end for me tho, even if it didnt work out this time round, its a kind of closure for me - I'll never wonder 'what if' anymore, and I now think it might be that we're better as friends anyway! Anyway lol, wasnt trying to threadjack, the whole point is, if I'd taken his flirting seriously I'd have been a mess for months!-and if I hadnt been so hardnosed about no contact, etc, he might not have chased me and wanted me back so much! So lay it out to her, say what the heck is goin on, then I say she is out of line, then dont give her time anymore. Then in the end if she really does want you back she'll go the extra mile to get you! Might take a while tho... I dont know why my ex n your ex do all the flirting etc, when they blatantly didnt have intentions of following thru, but thats how thy are. Nuts really, I dont understand it! Anyways, Good luck! Thank you for the advice everyone. I have this sinking feeling that during the period where she said she dumped that guy, she has got back together wtih him or something. THis is really unfortunate if true, becuase A-Shes weaseling out of dinner with me and B-shes just going back into a realationship that was a disaster from week 2. She's gonna get hurt again.
Author Rowen Posted January 13, 2008 Author Posted January 13, 2008 Well I just looked back onto my cell phones call history. And saw a "private" call I didn't notice went through on monday january 7th. Ironically this was the same night my ex told me she dumped her bf. She came on msn later and I didn't talk to her.. she didn't talk to me. Then she dissapeared again..... Wonder if it was her. IT's happend about 4 times since the breakup in the last 4 months.. I had never have it happen to me before.
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