SadShamrock Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 I know what to do. I just need some encouragement or something. My ex keeps bad mouthing me to all his co-workers and it gets back to me. He broke up with me 3 months ago. I stopped calling him a month ago, because I wanted to try to enjoy the holidays. 3 weeks into no contact- he called me (only the 2nd time since we broke up) on Christmas. And it bothered me a lot. He broke up with me in the worst way and basically treated me as a non-human since then. Honestly, no contact was so good for me, because I felt in control of my emotions and how I felt. So last night, I got a phone call from someone in his family. I spoke to her. It starts- you know <so and so> still loves you but he just thinks you are the one who caused so much distance between you. My response- oh ok, well, for a long time I blamed myself, too. But- I finally started to realize- it takes two! Then she went on to tell me how he was telling everyone at work- how he wished I would just get over him (I had not called him for a month and everyone was aware of this). He also told everyone that I really hurt him because he believes I lied and cheated on him. This is why we broke up. I did not cheat on him. It was a very big misunderstanding. Anyway- what is bothering me the most is that he told everyone that if I ever came to visit all of them again- he'd still bang me, but I wasn't worth much more than that . And now- here I am back at square one. I can't stop crying again. i Didn't sleep last night. I feel so hurt and disrespecdted. I would have been with him for 4 years this week. I was ok too! I of course- felt sad sometimes but I was living my life. Now I feel like trash again. I was with this man for 4 years and best friends with him for 4 before that! Not only that, but the thing that has been killing me the most is- I moved out of state to be with him. I was there for about a month. Everything was lovely until he thought I cheated on him. Then he initially wouldn't talk to me...then one day I explained to him what happened. He said he believed me but it would take time. Then we slept together. And then the next day- he said that was it. He said he never wanted to be with me anyway and he wanted me to move to him so he could break up with me in person. And then he said he slept with me that last time...because he was horny...and figured it would be a while before he got laid again. I gave this person all of my heart. I'm not a stupid person. I do well. I have an awesome family and friends. How could the person who I gave my heart to completely say and treat me like I am a whore. Can someone please help me? Please tell me why someone would do this to someone else? I feel like something is always going to come back and hurt me with this. I don't even know what to do. I feel like running until no one who knows him can hurt me anymore. I don't konw. Someone please respond to me and help me.
kymberann Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 I am so sorry you are feeling this way. AnNd having to go through this with an ex. I say continue no contact. Do not call him over these latest escapades. He is hurt regardless of who ended it and he is trying to keep his pride intact. You calling and telling him that you are hurt or to even put a stop to it will only keep the relationship going and he is getting omething out of you. I know this is hard to do but if you act as if what he has done hasn't hurt you then he won't get the response he is looking for and then that will annoy him more!
timjones0674 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I am very sorry you are crying and upset.... I know it hurts and I am sorry... As far is the guy... Let me give you a little hint from a guys perspective that you just might not have figured out yet... Anger or even talking about you stlll is love. Meaning, him simply talking about you means he still has allot of attraction for you, and there is little doubt there... So what should have have told your sister or anyone else that you talk to about this? Simple.. Put on the biggest smile you can muster and tell them that it really does not matter anymore, because you have found another guy who treats you wonderfully. Then proceed to talk about this wonderful guy you met that has just rocked your world!!! Also, are they still talking about it at work?? Great!!! Then just call your local flowerist and send yourself an obscene red rose arrangement, and watch the office chatter on that get back to your ex. Also, make sure you put in a great message on the flowers so that you can show all the girls in the office... Now tell me that getting a huge red rose arrangement would not help put a smile on that face of yours!! There is a reason why they say all is fair in Love and War!! Pick that chin up girl, put on a big smile on that face and get out there!!! No guy is worth making you unhappy... Good Luck!!
sedgwick Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 He wouldn't be saying that stuff if he really didn't care. He's saying it because he's hurt and he still has feelings for you. But you need to talk to him, not rely on what everyone else says. Can you tell the people you work with not to talk about him with you? If they start, can you just tell them that topic is off-limits? I'd imagine the soap opera is making it hard to do your job.
Lee725 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) How could the person who I gave my heart to completely say and treat me like I am a whore. Can someone please help me? Please tell me why someone would do this to someone else? One of my EX's still does this over a year after we broke up, i get the "OOhhhh come on... pwweeaassee.. i can make you feel so good" calls. even tho i have cut these calls out now i use to have 2 pretty standard responses, (both of them not nice). 1) OK, $300 an hour payment up front. (might as well get paid huh? not that it EVER happened) 2) "GET F****D". (charming i know, but with some men there is no other way of saying it). They do it because it gives some them a sense of power, they feel like they can have you at beck & call. They still have it "over" you. I feel like something is always going to come back and hurt me with this. I don't even know what to do. I feel like running until no one who knows him can hurt me anymore. I don't konw. Someone please respond to me and help me Men (&women) deal with hurt differently. Some men cant say "i feel sad or hurt", they say "she was a bitch anyway". Even tho it is disrespectful, don't let it get to you, it shows his capacity for communication & expression (which is evidently pretty limited). The higher educated people of the group will know the differences and i can assure you there will be some who even if they are not friends with you will look at him disgusted by the manner which he speaks of you. A man talking disrespectfully like that about any woman is not an attractive man, especially to other women. Hold your head high honey, he is only hurting you because you allow him to. You are stronger than this and you are a more respectful, caring and emotionally expressive person than he will ever be. Take pride in the fact that no matter what the eventual outcome to this is - you have not reciprocated his foul behavior and that will speak volumes. Edited January 14, 2008 by Lee725
timjones0674 Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 1) OK, $300 an hour payment up front. (might as well get paid huh? not that it EVER happened) 2) "GET F****D". (charming i know, but with some men there is no other way of saying it). [/b] So ah.. Lee.. Are you working the Atlanta area or somewhere else??
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I have to agree whole heartedly that he wouldn't keep talking about you if he was over you. The sending roses thing also sounds like a sneaky and awesome way to shake things up. My guess is that he actually does believe you cheated- that his ego is messed up over that. That is why he is saying the hurtful and ridiculous things he is saying. Can I ask what the circumstances were over why he thought you cheated?
Author SadShamrock Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Hi there everyone, I really appreciate your responses. You guys are great. The situation behind him thinking that I was cheating was this- We were in a long distance relationship for a very long time. I finished school, and I went to visit for about 6 weeks or so after I graduated, so we could start to make plans for a permanent move. I was there for four weeks. Everything was going very well. We were getting along better than ever. The whole time was very sweet. The day before everything happened- we had a long conversation about our plans- and how we were both very excited to make the next step and finally be together for good. The next day he woke up early to go to work, and he could not find his phone. So I told him to grab my phone and call his so we could hear it ringing. So he did. And after that he got kind of short with me, and started blasting the music (I was still in bed). My initial reaction was ok- he woke up cranky. Anyway- long story short- a text message was sent from an ex boyfriend that said stuff along the lines of I love you and I miss you- sure wish I could send you flowers. I had no clue what the message was about. Later found out it was sent by mistake (or so I was told). The thing is...this was the first time, he ever opened my phone or used it, and that was the first thing he saw. I know if the tables turned- I would have flipped out, too. The thing is- he didn't really flip out. He shut down. We finally talked about it a few days later. The next day- he just seemed so down- said he couldn't stop feeling sick to him stomach. I said- Is it because of me? And that's when he said yes. he told me that he knew for a long time he did not love me. One of the reasons why he had me come down for so long was so he could break up with me. He said that he was happy he saw the message because it gave him a great sense of relief, because it gave him an excuse to leave me. I asked him if he wanted me to leave immediately- and he said no that I could stay down for the next two weeks as we planned. I was devastated. His family found out about the whole thing. They had me move out of his place and in with them. At first he was kind of surprised that i decided not to stay with him at his place. He was nice and actually joked about the break up at first, too. He said we would be like the couple in the "Break Up". After I left for a couple of days- he shut down more. He refused to give me money to go home immediately and then I just broke down and told him that i needed to go home and be with my family and friends. He asked me if I wanted him to drive me home (Gulf of Mexico) to NY and I said all I wanted was if he could give me money to get tickets ASAP, and he finally said he would. We didn't talk again after that. Until a few days later when he took me to the airport. At the airport- we cried and held each other for 2 hours. He apologized. Said he could only see that text message over and over in his head. and that everything just clicked off. He said we could still be friends. But that did not work out after- because he just became colder and colder when I came home. He started to drink a lot and smoke pot and was just nasty when we talked. I asked him several times if we could talk and he refused to talk about anything. He would get snappy, cold- and tell me he would hang up on me if I talked about anything. Anyway- I guess after a month of trying to talk to him every now and then I stopped calling him cause I was just being shot down all the time. He kept telling me that i needed to go out and f-k other people. I needed to travel and see other people. I'm not the sleeping around kind at all. He called me on Christmas. We did not speak. I missed the call. So this weekend we spoke- because I called him after I heard he said stuff at his work about me. I asked him if he could stop saying mean things- and he was just like "yeah ok...whatever." The next day- he said more stuff about me- bad stuff....but then...he apparently told everyone...he'd like to stilil be my friend- cause he really liked hanging out with me, but he doesn't know how to be my friend now. Anyway- I'm hurt. I guess he is hurt. I don't know if he is hurt honestly. But he was always looking for a way out, and he really does despise me. I'm babbling. Sorry.
Author SadShamrock Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 I just read over my post- damn that was long! Sorry.
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