joybean72 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Does that REALLY play a part in someone's decision to cheat? I mean, I have gone out drinking...I wasn't tempted to cheat! My STBX was going out all the time...that was one of the reasons I left. He wouldn't answer my phone calls when he was out with his "friends".....I found out about OW after I had moved out, but know that he was seeing her even when we lived together. It's not the first time he cheated. I found out about the first one a year ago. He was seeing her when he was out of town working for 9 months. Is it the lifestyle or is a cheater just a cheater no matter what?
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 IMO, it ONLY plays a part in that it is a terrific excuse and it tends to free us from normally inhibited behaviour. But it's like being hypnotized -- alcohol is NOT going to influence or "force" one to engage in behaviour that one normally would not. (The urge for an affair and the belief that somehow it's going to be okay, will be pre-existing, IMO.) Cheating can become a habit, maybe -- is that the same as a "lifestyle"? -- my former bro-in-law did seem to be addicted to cheating regardless of how "good" his primary relationship appeared to the rest of us.
Curmudgeon Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 ...part of a reason but it's never a viable excuse.
Ariadne Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 He was seeing her when he was out of town working for 9 months. Is it the lifestyle or is a cheater just a cheater no matter what? Yes. No matter what. He didn't care about you so much. The alcohol just made it easier.
malaclypse Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 If he can still perform sexually, then he didn't have enough alcohol to seriously affect his judgement... Alcohol is just a convenient excuse for him.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 If he cheated on you while under the influence, then he was planning it while sober. Just didn't act on it at that time. In these cases people are already thinking about some one else they want to sleep with. Lusting, fantasizing, etc. The alcohol simply takes away the scared feelings and gives that "go for it" free attitude. The alcohol was a boost in the direction the person was already intending before they ever had a drop.
cj1988 Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Elven is right. If someone cheats under the influence of alcohol, they were thinking about it ahead of time. It does NOT just happen if they are drunk. I have been drunk many times and never cheated.
amaysngrace Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Yep agreed. My BF can be a fall-down alcoholic on occasion. He has been hit on by his friends' GFs back in the day, been offered blow jobs by them while the friends were passed out in the other room and stuff like that. He stood by his beliefs and didn't go there. He might be a drunk but he isn't a cheater.
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