lacie12 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 i'm new here but i have been reading a few of the posts, here's my story i'm a 38 year old mom of 2 teenagers. for the past year and a half i've been engaged to the love of my life but 21/2 months ago i broke up with him. we had a great relationship never lived together until the last 2 months. my daughters didn't like him very much because he was a heavy drinker and i don't drink at all so they had a hard time to accept that but we tried to work through it and that's why we didn't live together. but i truly thought he was the one ,we could finish each others sentances, say the same thing at the same time it was amazing except for the drinking. we argued about that a lot but through it all we stuck it out.i was married to an abusive person for 12 years he caused a lot of our problems but anyway in sept. of last year he stopped drinking and did very well his son and him moved in and things were fine then i started to get irritated with the way they would leave things laying around i felt smothered like i couldn't breathe, i knew nov.23 was coming soon and i guess i just freaked out and told him to leave, not really meaning it but i was scared . so he left. here's the problem 3 weeks after the break up he met a married women at the bar and a week later she left her husband and kids and moved in with him, now he talks to me occasionally saying he loves me always will and misses me but he's with her now and loves her. how can this be so soon after we broke up? we were to be married in 3 weeks and instead he's moving someone else in, that's when reality hit that i would never have him back and i've been devastated since, i still love him,miss him.. i can't accept how he did things so soon he couldn't of loved me, she's getting a divorce and their planning on moving into her house when it's final. was i played the whole time? did he love me. i call and we talk but we usually end up in a fight because he's not saying the things i want to hear. when he was drinking he was very verbally abusive calling me names and he threw a remote at me once, but the past couple months we were together were great, so i'm asking for advice on what to do, i'm 38 so i don't exactly have people knocking on my door, am i to old to find love again? how will i ever trust, and how do i stop obsessing over him i want to call and text all the time but reading posts here i see nc is the best way to go but i'm afraid if i do that he will forget about me and their will never be anything again.please someone tell me what to do. sorry this is so long i'm just desperate and lonely.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I don't think it was because he didn't love you that he moved on so quickly. Not that I agree with how it happened, but my boyfriend did the same thing. He got out of a LTR with a "girl" (I won't call her a woman), was deeply in love with her, but IMMEDIATELY bagan dating again. When I asked him about this, he said "what better way to get over someone than to find someone else?" It was a hard road because through the first 6 months of our relationship, I had to deal with him "getting over her." Your ex's new woman will be going thorugh the same thing. Beyond trying to explain that portion to you, I don't have any advice that you didn't already state yourself. NC is the way to go. You have kids, and even if he decided he wanted to come back and the same problems arise again, he would just be gone again which makes for a bunch of instability for your children. And you are NOT too old to find love again. For goodness sake, you've still got more than half of your life left. It's certainly not over. It's up to YOU whether or not you want love again and how you want to go about finding it.
sedgwick Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 what is the significance of nov 23? i'm confused.
Author lacie12 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 that is the day that we had chosen to get married. and i backed out on the 4th of nov. i hate myself so bad for it now i honestly don't know why when people get to close i start to push away and that's what i did and now i'm living with the regrets and dreading the first time i see him with her. also i'm just confused at how if he was so upset at the break up for a couple weeks then went to the bar 3 weeks later and moved in a married women who left her kids the next week, that says a lot for me. i know nc is what i should do but i just can't seem to do it, i miss him so much i just want to hear his voice, which usually ends in a fight. why did he lie to me say i was the one, want to get married then 3 weeks later live with someone???obviously he lied and that's what hurts the most and i don't know how to put him behind me.nov 23 was my wedding day sorry for not explaining it better earlier, any help or advice would be so helpful.
Kamille Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) Oh woah sorry for the turn this is taking. Of course you deserve support. Many reasons might explain why you are only getting a few replies. The first one being that your problem is very specific and not everyone can relate. Another reason could simply be that some of the posters here (mostly the ones with over 900 posts ) are long time posters. As such, we regulars have had long-term conversations with each other and are often in the act of 'catching up'. What might seem to you like people getting more replied could be nothing but the dynamics of group of friends. In your shoes I wouldn't turn away so fast from LS. My first few threads only got a few replies too. In your shoes I would simply keep posting. Part of the charm of this forum for me is that it helps me articulate my thoughts. Now, as to your heartbreak, I am very sorry for your pain and what you are going through. It is devastating. In my opinion, there isn't much to do here but for you to focus on yourself and forgive yourself. You did ask him to leave. Surely, at the time, that felt like the right decision? Might it just be the pain of the break up that is making you second-guess your decision? Edited January 14, 2008 by Kamille
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