a_torn_novagirl Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Hi. I have a best friend who is a guy, and he is at least 8 years older than me. We have the best relationship in the world, and we are planning on getting married. We also want to move to Seattle, Washington when we both finish school. We use to have sex, but we are now waiting until we get married. Everything was find between us, but he doesn’t want to make a commitment. He could have sex with me before we start dating, but he can’t start dating me officially. I understand he’s been through a lot, but I need the strong grip from a man sometimes. Recently I found one of my classmates through the INTERNET, and I wanted to see how he was doing. In high school he use to have a crush on me, so I just wanted to email him and say hello. This guy was so happy and surprised to hear from me, that we can’t stop email each other. He admit to me that he still likes me, and I think I’m falling for him too. Everything he says is perfect, but he is in Japan (he’s in the navy). Every since we started emailing each other I don’t know what I want anyone. I always wanted to move to Seattle, but now I want to say and wait for him. I have a guy right here in front of me, that doesn’t want to commit, but I also have a guy miles away who wants to commit. My best friend knows if I find someone before he’s ready for a relationship it’s his lost, but I don‘t want to hurt him. If I choose the guy in the navy, I will be very lonely. If I choose my best friend, I’ll still be lonely. Guys come and go, but my best friend can stay forever; even if he is the one I'm talking about. Should I take a chance and have a long distance relationship, or have no relationship and distance between my best friend? The guy in the navy knows about my best friend, but my best friends doesn't even know about him. Yesterday was the first day I actually talked on the phone with the guy in the navy, and it was amazing. He made me laugh, and we talked for hours (plus I was using my daytime minutes!!!!) My relationship with my best friend has changed, but maybe this is just a phase that I'm going through. I'm a 19 year old girl who is confused about everything in my life. I may seem young, but I've taken so much time to myself that I'm ready for a relationship. I just need someone’s opinion on this situation, and maybe I won't be so torn anymore.
katiebour Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 I have a best friend who is a guy, and he is at least 8 years older than me. We have the best relationship in the world, and we are planning on getting married. Why would you marry your "best friend" if you aren't in love with him? Marrying someone just to get married is a mistake. he doesn’t want to make a commitment. So you want to be married, but he doesn't, AND you're not in love with him? I have a guy right here in front of me, that doesn’t want to commit, but I also have a guy miles away who wants to commit. How long before Navy-guy gets back? Long distance relationships are horribly lonely. You can build up all of these expectations and this "committment" in your mind, but you haven't lived with guy #2, haven't seen him in years. That's not a committment, it's a long-distance crush. but my best friend can stay forever If he's really your best friend then he wouldn't want you to be unhappy, married to him (since you're not in love with him) and if he's truly a friend, he'll continue to be your friend even if you break off this farce of an engagement. Should I take a chance and have a long distance relationship, or have no relationship and distance between my best friend? Neither. You don't really know guy #2 and you're not in love with guy #1. What's the rush to get married??? You're only 19!! The guy in the navy knows about my best friend, but my best friends doesn't even know about him. If you'd treat your best friend/fiance as badly as you have (going behind his back and talking with other men...a.k.a. CHEATING) then you should break it off with him. He deserves better. I'm ready for a relationship. Relationship does not equal marriage. Why not date and find someone locally that you are romantically interested in, take a few years, get to know who you really are and grow up a bit. Going after someone half a world away to get out of a relationship you don't want is childish. You are by no means ready to make a lifetime, loving committment to one person.
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