overhim08 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 slept with an ex. after over a year of not being together. he's been trying to get with me for a while. i asked him is sex all you want - he said no but its a good place to start. not sure why i even listened to that bs. i can't tell if it was good or bad (physically), when we were together it was amazing, or may be i was dillusional because i was so in love with him. this time, i honestly think i enjoyed hanging out more than the sex. we were joking around like the good old times, he seemed really happy, may be i am dillusional again or reading into things too much. afterwords we talked for a while and then since he didn't officially ask me to stay i left. he didn't even say call me when you get home so that i know you're ok etc... felt horrible the next few days. he did call me "baby" - and he never calls anyone "baby" - and i said why - he said because that's what i used to call you. next day he made some silly joke on aim and that was it... should i contact him or wait for him to contact me? or just forget about the whole thing like a horrible nightmare.
lbj123 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I totally sympathize with the frustration of feeling like you've made a mistake by sleeping with the ex. I am really worried that I didn't handle my own situation the right way. I really felt so hopeful that my ex had realized he had made a mistake in ending things. He seemed so eager to keep in touch, and when I had dinner with him the other night, he told me how much he missed me and that he made a mistake. I let my emotions overtake my sensibility. My thought was that by not sleeping with him, I was showing him that I was serious about us and making things work wasn't just about sex. But unfortunately it happened...and while it was wonderful and special, something inside is telling me that it was a critical mistake in working towards a relationship. I hope he does not see me as just FWB now, and I hope that despite sleeping with him, we can get back together and have a committed relationship. Uggh...I don't know what to do from here! So frustrating!!
amaysngrace Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 I think it's best to move forward and not go backwards. Sleeping with an ex is a self-destructive behaviour IMO. And it usually leads to despair. Exes are exes for a reason.
Author overhim08 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 why i slept with him? because i was enjoying his company so much and was curious to see if the sex would be as good as well (i guess that is shallow, right) lbj - has he contacted you since? did you stay the night? honestly, at this point - i don't think that you screwed up your chances at the future. i think if it's going to happen it's going to happen regardless. good news for you - you actually felt special during sex... i didn't - that's the problem... it's not that i felt used per se (i am a consenting adult), it's just that i didn't feel special at all. not sure why... in any event i'm just going to let it go and not have any hopes or expectations. it was just a very strange feeling to not feel special with someone i've idolized for so long in my head.
lbj123 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 This just happened two nights ago. He came back to my place, and yes, he spent the night. And the next morning he waited around while I got ready for work and stayed until I was leaving so we both walked out together. He did email me the next day, just saying hi and checking in. I wrote him back something short but funny and cute, and that was our last contact. That was just yesterday. I don't know why I am harping on it so much, but I really have this gut feeling that I made a mistake. He missed me, so he saw me and got to have sex with me. He got exactly what he wanted so now he doesn't have to work towards anything... He is a great guy and I feel confident that his intention is not to use me or jerk me around, but if he has committment issues and I am giving him the situation of "I can see her and sleep with her whenever I want", then why would he commit?
Author overhim08 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 hmmm... i really wouldn't worry about it too much. did you ask him to spend the night or he just did? and he did email you the next day so that's a good sign. i feel like i should have spent the night... i felt "dirty" when i got home. but i also felt that he should have asked me to stay. or at least suggest it as i told him i should probably go... what do you think? in general i think we women obsess about the stupidest things..lol btw do you know if he's currently seeing anyone?
lbj123 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Well, I think that if he didn't make you feel like he wanted you to stay over, then you would have felt the same way, but just in the morning instead that night. Don't be so hard on yourself though...s!it happens. Do you want to be back together with him? I didn't ask him to stay, he just did...and I was so glad he did! I know for a fact that he is not seeing anyone else. He told me, and we also have a mutual friend who told me. I just hate the feeling that I should wait for him to bring stuff up again. And for that matter, when he does, I feel like I don't even know exactly what I want to say.
Author overhim08 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 you're so right about staying over. if we can have what we had in the past - i would definitely want that ... but i guess that's impossible. i think you should not think about anything at this point (let's both try this - go out enjoy yourself - i know it's easier said then done) and just believe things will work themselves out for the best. i always find when i stop thinking about something i want and just let it go and leave it up to the universe it always happens... start by thinking positive and believing!!! and then let it go completely... sounds scary but worth a try!
lbj123 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 you're right...I am going to stay positive and stop overthinking and overanalyzing. I hope it works out...I really want to express my feelings to him without coming on too strong.
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