zoilababy Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 i'm getting married in the summer and i was just told that my fiance will and his friends will be going to Vegas for a long weekend. Now, he has been told about what's acceptable and he agreed early on but now he's changing his tune. his brother wants to rent a room in a hotel and bring girls...nude girls. bottom line he says he's going whether i like it or not. What do i do?? this to me is cheating and he's never done it before. oh, in addition i overheard his brother saying to bring condoms(!) i'm ready to bail.
bozwa Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Ooooooooooh, i see your predicament...hotel, girls, condoms. Yes, I would definitely have an issue. Your best bet is to have a chitty chat with your fiance - ask him to, out of respect for you, to maybe lay off on some of the naughty naughty for the bachelor party, tell him what you heard his brother (brother, right?) say and it made you very uncomfortable. You don't want to tell him he can't go. He deserves a bachelor party, and you don't want him to resent you for taking that away. After that, you just have to trust him.... Wow, that's a toughy.
Lizzie60 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 If I were you, I would tell him that if he can have a party like that.. that you'll have one with your female friends.. with male dancers and stripers.. and that you will also need a few condoms... See what he says... If it's OK with him... then have one... what's good for one has to be good for the other.. it's the only way..
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 i'm getting married in the summer and i was just told that my fiance will and his friends will be going to Vegas for a long weekend. Now, he has been told about what's acceptable and he agreed early on but now he's changing his tune. his brother wants to rent a room in a hotel and bring girls...nude girls. bottom line he says he's going whether i like it or not. What do i do?? this to me is cheating and he's never done it before. oh, in addition i overheard his brother saying to bring condoms(!) i'm ready to bail. this has to be a joke. no one this rude (him) or naive (you) should be getting married.
michaelk Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 As I see it, you need two things from your fiancee. First, you two need to talk and make sure you agree where the line of fidelity is. Personally, I think it's fine for him to see naked girls at his party, as long as he isn't having sex. But that's for you two to duke out. Second, you need to have enough trust in him that he won't cross that line you've established. If the two of you can't do these things, then you're not ready to get married anyway.
sally4sara Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 I'd bail. Anyone who will tell you "I'm going to do it whether you like it or not" is still a child and will not make a good life partner.
OpenBook Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 When my fiance did this, I told him not to bring home any diseases. (And he kept his word, and we got married... and then we got divorced a few years later... but not because of the bachelor party!!) I just think there are more important things in life to worry about. Especially if the trust factor is already present in the R. Boys will be boys. It's no skin off your nose.
a4a Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Ooooooooooh, i see your predicament...hotel, girls, condoms. Yes, I would definitely have an issue. Your best bet is to have a chitty chat with your fiance - ask him to, out of respect for you, to maybe lay off on some of the naughty naughty for the bachelor party, tell him what you heard his brother (brother, right?) say and it made you very uncomfortable. You don't want to tell him he can't go. He deserves a bachelor party, and you don't want him to resent you for taking that away. After that, you just have to trust him.... Wow, that's a toughy. Who made this crap up? OP this will not be the first or last time this comes up. Find someone that has the same priorities in life that you do. Don't marry him. Sorry but this is a huge red flag. And I would say the same if it was a male posting about his "I don't care how you feel, I am doing it anyway" female fiance.
OpenBook Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Who made this crap up? OP this will not be the first or last time this comes up. Find someone that has the same priorities in life that you do. Don't marry him. Sorry but this is a huge red flag. And I would say the same if it was a male posting about his "I don't care how you feel, I am doing it anyway" female fiance. Actually, this IS a good point. My M ended because of this attitude - it was OK for him to do what he wanted, but the same rules didn't apply to me.
sally4sara Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 and please please, for the love of god or whoever, don't follow through with something because its only a month away and the invites went out and deposits have been made etc. Having a wedding isn't the point of a marriage, but having not listened to your gut is usually the point of a divorce.
pickylady Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 It's common practice and acceptable for a man to have his last taste at freedom before the ceremony (pun intended). It's just sex and he deserves that much for wanting to put up with one woman for the rest of his life. Give him a break.
Citizen Erased Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 It's common practice and acceptable for a man to have his last taste at freedom before the ceremony (pun intended). It's just sex and he deserves that much for wanting to put up with one woman for the rest of his life. Give him a break. Oh sweetheart you are in the wrong forum If I were you, I would tell him that if he can have a party like that.. that you'll have one with your female friends.. with male dancers and stripers.. and that you will also need a few condoms... See what he says... If it's OK with him... then have one... what's good for one has to be good for the other.. it's the only way.. I agree with Lizzie. First thing which came to mind when I read the OP's post.
sally4sara Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 It's common practice and acceptable for a man to have his last taste at freedom before the ceremony (pun intended). It's just sex and he deserves that much for wanting to put up with one woman for the rest of his life. Give him a break. PULEEEEZE! Aren't you the one being crazy and stalking your married boss' wife while going on about how frustrated you are that she won't just leave him to you?!?! Do you think you should be advising anyone on anything?!?!
pickylady Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 PULEEEEZE! Aren't you the one being crazy and stalking your married boss' wife while going on about how frustrated you are that she won't just leave him to you?!?! Do you think you should be advising anyone on anything?!?! I don't know what you're talking about- stick to the topic at hand please and stop trying to bring up an unrelated person's personal life into the mix. THX! There's NOTHING wrong with having one last fling before marriage imo! BOYS WILL BE BOYS!
sally4sara Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 I don't know what you're talking about I'll refresh your memory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141280/
blackbird Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 If you're not okay with it, it's not okay. If he's not okay with you not being okay with it, and he's not willing to respect your boundaries there, you both need to reconsider marriage. I think that concept of the 'last hurrah' before you're tied down to the ball and chain is deeply flawed. For my fiance's bachelor party, if he even has one, he's told me that I'd be invited, and I'm cool with naked girls/strippers being involved (we go to strip clubs together occasionally, and I bought us a couples lapdance last time), but that's us and our boundaries that we've discussed at length and mutually become comfortable with. What works for us may not work for you. The important thing is that what works for him, should work for you, and vice versa.
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 There's NOTHING wrong with having one last fling before marriage imo! BOYS WILL BE BOYS! Yes there is because it's CHEATING. Married or not, once one is in a committed relationship, let alone about to be married, one last fling is not allowed UNLESS BOTH people in the relationship decide together that it's okay. Obviously in this case, it's not and the original poster has every right to be upset and possibly re-think the whole marriage thing. Zoila, is your brother, a cousin or a male friend, or even your father going to Vegas too? If so, they could keep an eye on things there... Either way, you two need to talk and set some ground rules, and he has to not listen to his immature brother and be influenced.
michaelk Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Oh sweetheart you are in the wrong forum Do you think you should be advising anyone on anything?!?! What's the point in having an open advice forum if you're going to discourage differing opinions?
jmargel Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 The problems you have now before marriage are magnified by 10 after marriage. So if your fiancee is going to disrespect you this much now, it's a guarantee that he will do this more after marriage. He is easily influenced by his friends who are still living the single life. You will be living in drama with this marriage, and if you tolerate his behavior now then you are setting yourself up for his cheating on you in the future. He will be having sex at this hotel room, this is cheating. You don't get a 'free pass' for one night. For my bachelor's party, my wife wanted me to goto a strip club, but trusted me enough to know what is right and wrong. She didn't need to preach to me about what I can or can't do, or what is morally right. It's because I am not a little child such as your fiancee, and that is what you will be marrying. Good chance that if he's willing to put this marriage at risk for a one nighter, then he has no respect for you, the marriage and good chance he has done something behind your back before this.
Tripper Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 BOYS WILL BE BOYS! OP, this may be the case, but you want to marry a MAN with principles who will respect the boundaries of a committed relationship and what you feel comfortable with. Afterall that's what marriage is about. This sounds like a dealbreaker to you and I would tell him so. If he doesn't understand this before marriage, don't expect him to understand it after marriage.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 Tripper has it down right there OP. You gotta be firm, tell him what you won't tolerate, and that you won't accept it. And if he chooses to go against your wishes he will do it again and again in the future. You deserve some one who will respect your guides and morales. If this guy doesn't, then he cares more about worldly pleasures then the sanctity of marriage. Plain and simple.
twice_shy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 It's common practice and acceptable for a man to have his last taste at freedom before the ceremony (pun intended). It's just sex and he deserves that much for wanting to put up with one woman for the rest of his life. Give him a break. If he feels the need to have sex with someone else before taking "the plunge", then he doesn't need to be taking the plunge.
twice_shy Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 The problems you have now before marriage are magnified by 10 after marriage. I agree, and if a guy thinks that having sex with someone one last time before marriage is ok, then he will be a serial cheater during the marriage. Same goes for women.
Krytie TV Posted January 14, 2008 Posted January 14, 2008 i'm getting married in the summer and i was just told that my fiance will and his friends will be going to Vegas for a long weekend. Now, he has been told about what's acceptable and he agreed early on but now he's changing his tune. his brother wants to rent a room in a hotel and bring girls...nude girls. bottom line he says he's going whether i like it or not. What do i do?? this to me is cheating and he's never done it before. oh, in addition i overheard his brother saying to bring condoms(!) i'm ready to bail. Man... another one of those posts that just reeks of an overdramatized "one side of the story" rants. You say he's been told what's acceptable? Good for him for not being told what is right by you. If you two discussed it that would be a different matter. How's he changing his tune? What did you tell him was appropriate? Did he agree with you? Who was his brother talking to, your fiance or someone else? Anyway, I get the sense ALOT is missing from this story.
rainfall Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 It's common practice and acceptable for a man to have his last taste at freedom before the ceremony (pun intended). It's just sex and he deserves that much for wanting to put up with one woman for the rest of his life. Give him a break. Oh please. Cheating is not ok under any situation. Besides if a man really views marriage as giving up his freedom then he is marrying the wrong person.
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