Am I over reacting?

[TigerCub]

Here's some background info on me: I'm a quick giver-upper. I can't usually be bothered with issues that come up over and over again, so when they do ... I end a relationship. - it's not very good I know..

 

This time around, I'm trying to be nicer about these things and so I'm dating this guy, we're not "exclusive", but have been seeing each other for over 2 months. I really like being around him, he has a lot of qualities that I look for in a man, but...

 

Here's the problem:

When we first started going out, he invited me out to a poker game with his friends (although I made it clear that he can totally just go out and have fun with the guys without me). But he insisted, and the night of the poker game, he calls me as he's on his way to his friend's place and just chit chats and doesn't even bring it up - so he pretty much stood me up.

I told him the next time we talked that what he did was extremely disrespectful because I wasn't insisting on going in the first place and he pretty much had me set aside some time for him and then blew me off.

He appologized and promised it wont happen again.

 

Fast forward: - yesterday we were supposed to hang out. I had a little medical emergency, so I called and left a message on his cell telling him that I needed to cancel and asked him to call me at home later and I'll explain why. He didn't call, so I thought he might be upset that I cancelled with him again (we were supposed to do lunch earlier in the week but something came up so I couldn't), so I called again just to see if he's upset, and he didn't answer so I didn't leave a message or anything.

 

He calls me 10 minutes later - so obviously drunk, and from the conversation I find out that he didn't get my earlier message, and he had spent the day hanging out and getting hammered with a friend he hasn't seen in a long time. I was realy upset about that because as far as he knew we had plans but he got drunk instead!

So when I said it (in a not so pissed off tone), he tells me that he just lost track of time and one pitcher after the next he just forgot.

I mean even if he saw a friend that he hasn't seen in a while and he wanted to postpone our date and he had just called, I wouldn't have been upset at all - it would have been just fine.

 

But isn't that standing me up again?! My instinct is to just say "ya know what, you obviously don't respect my time, so screw you" and just end it. But I'm a quick giver-upper as I've mentioned so I don't know if I'm over reacting.

But I don't want to just keep letting **** like this slide and let him think that he can just blow me off and walk all over me!

 

any thoughts?

I really don't want to keep my old habbits of getting fed up quickly, but we're early in the relationship and I don't want him to get the wrong message about me either.

 

Thank you

[amaysngrace]

I don't understand something...if you called and cancelled because of a medical emergency then how can you think he stood you up?

 

And the poker thing...you could have always said you wanted to go. You didn't. Instead you got pissy about it. After telling him you were cool with him going by himself.

 

Are you trying to sabotage your relationship? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

[tanbark813]

The poker thing is kind of gray because you said he could just go without you. I'm on the fence about that one, personally.

 

I think it was lame that he didn't call you to let you know that he was hanging with a friend but at the same time it was the second time you cancelled on him. It's understandable about the second time since it was a medical emergency but I'm assuming the time prior to that wasn't. (?)

 

I don't know. It doesn't sound like either of you are that good at sticking to plans. But I'm also super anal about making plans and sticking to them.

[TigerCub]

I don't understand something...if you called and cancelled because of a medical emergency then how can you think he stood you up?

Because he didn't get the message, so as far as he knew we were still on, and he still decided to do something else without as much as a call.

 

And the poker thing...you could have always said you wanted to go. You didn't. Instead you got pissy about it. After telling him you were cool with him going by himself.

I didn't care if I went or not, it was the fact that he insisted that I go, and told me that he's call and pick me and he didn't - the fact that he went without me when he made such a big deal of wanting me to go ... that's just rude. If he changed his mind, all he had to do was just call me earlier in the day and say that maybe we can do it another time - at least that way I would have time to make other plans.

 

Are you trying to sabotage your relationship? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

Don't think I'm trying to sabotage the relationship - I do like him, but I find what he's doing frustrating

[TigerCub]

The poker thing is kind of gray because you said he could just go without you. I'm on the fence about that one, personally.

Yeah as I explained to the other poster, all he had to do was call ahead of time and tell me that plans changed instead of having me set aside some time for him - because he insisted, and then be blown off

 

I think it was lame that he didn't call you to let you know that he was hanging with a friend but at the same time it was the second time you cancelled on him. It's understandable about the second time since it was a medical emergency but I'm assuming the time prior to that wasn't. (?)

The first time wasn't a medical thing, it was just circumstance, but I was considerate enough to let him know a day in advance.

 

I don't know. It doesn't sound like either of you are that good at sticking to plans. But I'm also super anal about making plans and sticking to them.

hehe, yeah it doesn't seem like we are does it - but at least I am polite when I need to change plans

 

Thanks for the feedback

[amaysngrace]

Okay I'm still confused. He got the message that you cancelled plans because of the medical thing right?

 

I think if you really like him and you want more from the relationship than just a bunch of non-committal plans that are easily breakable you need to have a sit-down with the guy and let him know how you feel.

 

Otherwise he won't take you seriously if you don't have conversations that show that you'd like it to be more than what it is. But if you play it light he'll do the same.

 

Just remember not to be all self-righteous about it when you pretty much treat him the same way he treats you by making plans and then bailing on him. You've done to him the same thing that's making you feel like you haven't been treated right. You guys really need to talk.

[TigerCub]

Okay I'm still confused. He got the message that you cancelled plans because of the medical thing right? .

No, that's why you're confused maybe. I said that he didn't get the message where I was cancelling because of the medical issue - so as far as he knew (since he didn't check his messages) was that we were still on for the evening - yet he did something else, without so much as letting me know that plans have changed...that's where he and I are different. I'm polite enough to let him know if plans are changing, he isn't, and that's what I find frustrating and rude.

 

I think if you really like him and you want more from the relationship than just a bunch of non-committal plans that are easily breakable you need to have a sit-down with the guy and let him know how you feel.

 

Otherwise he won't take you seriously if you don't have conversations that show that you'd like it to be more than what it is. But if you play it light he'll do the same.

 

I completely agree with you. I think we should have a talk to at least be sure we're on the same page about where this relationship is heading and what the expectations are.

 

thanks